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Conspiracy theorists have been proven right once again, as Representative Jeff Van Drew’s claim that an Iranian mothership was behind a rash of drone sightings has been confirmed by the CIA, FBI, NASA, Project Blue Beam, Project Jim Beam, and other government agencies.
Official confirmations of the Iranian space vessel’s identity followed the mothership’s landing in a backyard at 920 S. 5th St. in Camden, New Jersey, less than four miles from the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard where the 1943 Philadelphia Experiment permanently shattered the boundaries of space, time, and human reason.
According to internet sleuths, the backyard in question is a rundown house currently rented by 22-year-old Iranian immigrant Keshti Madar, a Mortuary Sciences major at West Chester University of Philadelphia. According to sources familiar with Madar’s social media profile, the unfortunate student had been living exclusively on Top Rameen noodles for nearly six months prior to his mother’s surprise arrival.
Following the ship’s amazing landing, an oval portal opened and Mrs. Mader slowly floated to the ground in a beam of blueish light, carrying grocery bags full of ingredients of the delicious and nutritious Iranian dishes she flew to America to cook for her undernourished, cadaverous son.
Since landing Thursday evening Mrs. Mader has prepared an impressive array of classic Persian dishes including Khoresht-e Ghormeh Sabzi (five-herb kidney bean stew), Baghali Polo ba Mahiche (broadbean rice with lamb shanks), Zereshk Polo (blueberry chicken), Shirazi Salad (featuring mega-minced cucumbers, onions, and tomatoes), and most importantly Khoresht-e Fesenjan (duck stew) in anticipation of Keshti’s eventual wedding.
Keshti’s neighbors, attracted by the delicious aromas wafting across the Camden slums, have been lining up for leftovers and expressing their fondest hopes that more Iranian motherships should land in Camden.
Reached by phone at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump said the mothership’s landing proves that Iranian culinary scientists are on the verge of building a food bomb that would blow away all other cuisines, especially American and Israeli ones. The president-elect also expressed support for Israel’s targeted assassination of Iranian chefs, and promised to obey Netanyahu’s orders to drop millions of Big Macs on Iran and “eliminate their culinary program and bomb them back to the fast food stone age.”
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Thanks for the smiles. Much more entertaining than so-called real news. And you really know your Persian dishes, so I’m wondering if you might have tasted their delicious cuisine, either in their country or another. 🥰
Made me laugh!
I would have written from a Blackhawk down angle tho, where the mothership was having engine trouble, it’s fuel tank of probed assholes having sprung a massive leak over DC, and the outnumbered aliens having to engage in running firefights with the brown rag-tag guerrilla rabble armed with Glock switches and purloined deer rifles. Their insane human wave attacks against the aliens are powered by the rumor the ship is full of Space Air Jordans and Interstellar Crack, known to be impossible for Earth street pharmacists to create.
Things are going poorly for the aliens until they break out the jew-M rifle that fires a mixed-media beam so powerful it actually turns any black hit by it into a data analyst or physician. Any Hispanic hit turns White.
From 2013 to 2019 I visited Iran at least once a year for conferences, several of which were at the five-star Parsian Azadi Hotel. I have to admit I enjoyed the food (and the warm Iranian hospitality in general). Then in 2019 Trump appointed an Israeli, Sigal Mandelker, to run the US Treasury Department sanctions program. Mandelker slapped sanctions on the NGO that had been sponsoring most of the conferences. (Israelis don’t want Americans and Iranians to get along.) The FBI warned conference invitees that they would be arrested if they attended any more New Horizon conferences. Would-be attendees urged the FBI to arrest Mandelker, not us. She resigned not long afterward. https://kevinbarrett.heresycentral.is/2019/10/bye-sigal/
Dont know who is more of a staggering nincompoop, the governors or the governed in the US….
How many will miss the implied /s?
Thanks for the reply. I’ve been reading your articles for years and now think I remember your telling about being warned not to attend the conferences. Too bad our country is controlled by idiots. Agree about their food and warm hospitality from experience of both.
Got any idea how I can get one of these Iranian Mother Ships to land in my backyard? I am not a Persian but can play one on TV, if necessary. I could really relate to some of that good Persian cooking, but cannot afford to rent a room at a 5-star hotel in Tehran.
I am quite willing to do the cargo cult routine, but rather imagine that a runway with signal fires will be entirely unnecessary. Will a raised, circular landing spot surrounded with blinking light suffice?
Lastly-that congressman from NJ who is obsessed with Persian Mother Ships-is that Linus van Pelt, all grown-up now? Does he still carry a security blanket around with him?
I hope the Iranian Mothership, piloted by Snoopy, drops a big plate of Persian rice on Jeff Van Pelt’s head.
Reading twice and picturing the menu Keshti’s mum banged up for him, my stomach began growling fierce. Reminding my self that adults must often delay gratification, I instead focused on the best method of attracting such a mothership to my own wide open backyard. Luckily the Persian waiter at the Mexican joint next door helped me craft a “traditional Mothership Welcome message” in Farsi which my array of LED digital signal lights now urgently blink toward the heavens. So I got that going for me.
…and Thx for all your excellent serious analysis in addition to providing laughs when I need ‘em