• Cats

    Cats

    “And on the pedestal, these words appear:

    My name is Tom Hooper, King of Kings;

    Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

    Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

    Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare

    The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

  • Gotti

    Gotti

    1 star for Travolta’s scenery chewing. Everything else was an incoherent mess. Easily one of the year’s worst.

    Shoutout to the person who played John Jr.'s wife. In her first scene, she was 16 years old, despite looking mid 30's. The next scene she was in, she was getting married. Did the production team use any makeup to make her look any older? Of cooouuurse not.

    Grade: 1/10

  • The Snowman

    The Snowman

    ★½

    Fact: I really liked the book this was based on.

    Fact: Tomas Alfredson made one of my favorite movies of all time in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.

    Fact: Fassbender is one of my favorite actors working today.

    Fact: This is the most painful 1 1/2 stars I’ve ever given.

  • Batman & Robin

    Batman & Robin

    ★★★

    This movie is a blast you’re all just snobs.

  • Justice League

    Justice League

    ★½

    #ReleaseTheSnyderCut or whatever. 

    Even a partially finished version of a Snyder/Terrio disaster is a hell of a lot more interesting than this ugly, boring waste of time.

    Why’d I watch it? Morbid curiosity and a tinge of self-harm.

    Grade: 2.5/10

  • The Circle

    The Circle

    ★★★½

    The key to power, and the currency through which you can obtain it is information. James Ponsoldt understands this, and that thesis is why The Circle will go down as one of the year's most underappreciated movies.

    If you have a shred of critical thinking ability, this movie should scare you just as much as any horror film. What sets this apart is that there are no nuns, blind men or evil goats, there's just the fallibility of human nature,…

  • Independence Day: Resurgence

    Independence Day: Resurgence

    ★★★

    I think if you're in the right state of mind, like I was, you'll have a great time with this movie.

  • Dark Phoenix

    Dark Phoenix

    ★★★

    Hot Take: as someone with absolutely 0 attachment to the Dark Phoenix storyline, I think it's been pulled off fine between this and the underrated The Last Stand I'm sure I'm missing some context, but really what else is there? She gets possessed, goes nuts and a sacrifice has to be made to get her under control. Someone (other than Josh) let me know if I'm dumb.

    While the pointlessness and awkward finality linger over this like a dry fart,…

  • Wonder Woman 1984

    Wonder Woman 1984

    ★½

    I’ll say this of Wonder Woman 1984: Chris Nolan (and many others before) said in a recent interview that the only time he’d ever felt like he’d wasted time at a movie is when he didn’t feel like the filmmakers thought it was the best movie ever.

    In that sense, I did not feel like I wasted my time watching Wonder Woman 1984.

    The last act, with so many other things happening, is a plea to everyone to be better versions…

  • The New Mutants

    The New Mutants

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Years and years of delays and this thing is bookended by the Two Wolves cliche. Bruh.

    I like the concept of what Boone was going for, but the way he got there left a lot to be desired. You can feel the script getting away from him a few times, but some of the visuals were undeniably creepy.

    As probably the best actor in the movie, the direction they took with Anya-Taylor Joy’s character was bizarre to say the least. But this is a major star turn for Blu Hunt, so it all evens out.

  • Dark Crimes

    Dark Crimes

    ½

    *opening credits are cut between clips of women being abused by dudes in suits*

    What kind of perverse monster would start off a movie this way?

    *cuts to logo of Brett Ratner's production company*

    Oh that makes sense.

  • Serenity

    Serenity

    ★★★

    Without the twist, this would have been a cool noir thriller with a couple of movie stars devouring the scenery.

    With the twist, it's a semi-trainwreck, but in a good way.

    As far as January movies go, this one ain't bad.

    Grade: 6.5/10

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