Don't Talk About The Rabbits

So, I am a certain number of years old, that probably puts me officially into no longer young territory. Possibly even... middle aged. I have also been, for most of those years, a nail biter. All attempts to stop have pretty much failed horribly due to stress, and weak nails, and STRESS, and what not, I am convinced my nails are sub-par, probably some type of vitamin deficiency, other people's nails don't shred like this, so it probably hasn't even been my fault, if they were normal, it wouldn't matter that I constantly chew on them! Also stress.

We put on all this sparkly glitter polish for Club Vivid this year, and I don't know why, but for some reason, that was what it took to do the trick. Sparkly fucking nail polish. After literally decades of different attempts. By this week, I had nails long enough that I have been repeatedly accidentally stabbing the crap out of myself. Also it's been really goddamn difficult to get the contact lenses in and out. I stabbed myself in the eye last night and went to bed cranky and convinced I would be blind by morning. How do people cope with having nails? They seem dangerous! Since I don't actually know what I am doing, and have zero nail-maintenance skills, and since I have something coming up where I actually need to look put together, I decided to take the unprecedented step of getting a manicure for the first time in my life.

I went in thinking "I will explain to them that I have no idea what I am doing here and might as well be on another planet and they will understand" but this never happened, because they were very busily efficient and also, there was something of a language barrier. Still, they directed me right over to the racks and racks nail polish. I stood there a while until they gave up on me coming back, and came over to help. I was like "SOMETHING NEUTRAL PLEASE" so they picked out a nice pale colored one for me.

So then there was cleaning of nails with some type of agent. And some gunk on the cuticles, followed by soaking the cuticles, and then cutting the hell out of the cuticles. She asked if I wanted to keep the length of the nails, and I was like "you can cut them back a little, I type," but I admit, I was mainly thinking that a small bit back would be good, so I could stop accidentally gouging bits of flesh out with them. Instead, I ended up with nails just as short as they usually are with the biting. Oh well. They will grow back stronger and better this time, perhps?

Then there were layers and layers of stuff. We started with some type of bonding agent. Then another layer of something completely unknown, and clear. I think it might have been a strengthening thingummy? Next, two layers of nail polish on one hand, and three on the other. (I have a problematic thumb nail on one hand, the result of slamming it in a door two years ago. Nothing I have tried has fixed it, and she was pretty determined to try and hide the damage, since it looks like I'm mutating). Finally, two layers of lacquer. By the time we were done, I was like "Will I be able to lift my fingers, under the weight of all these layers?" But instead, they seem lighter and smoother than my half-assed efforts with a bottle I bought shortly after Vividcon in my attempts to extend the non-biting process.

In between all the layers were TINY HAND HEAT LAMPS that you stick your hand into, like a suntan tanning bed! Or possibly some tiny hand rotisserie devised by aliens to lure us into sticking our hands inside them willingly? And also tiny little fans! (the ones that go around and around not the ones that read fan fiction). And then, as I thought we must be done... LOTION. I was like "AAAGH, LADY, my arms are HAIRY and you really don't have to..." but she took me too much by surprise, and I did not actually say this. But that was weird, I had no idea that was involved in something I consider to be mostly about the nails.

So now I have these nails that are all slick and even and shiny, and also blunt. Weird, I had no idea that professionally done nails were so squared off at the top, I had thought they were all roundish, and stuff? I can't seem to stop touching them. I, uh, hope I get over that soon.

The other new thing we tried tonight -- Margaritas, the restaurant. I had read online a post by someone who compared it favorably to On the Border, which happens to be a favorite of ours. Worth a shot! we decided. Except no, really, it wasn't. Pretty much awful all the way around. Queso more like melted velveeta, steak fajitas as unflavored and as bland as anything I had ever eaten, even the rice was pretty awful, which takes some kind of extraordinarily special lack of talent, really. And it was more expensive than OTB?? Possibly that's because the Town is a slightly more upscale one, but good lord, it was certainly not better food worth the money. I couldn't make it more than halfway through before just giving up.

So we got sundaes after to help recover from the experience.

Don't go there. It was baaaad.