Foolish foodies duped into thinking Greggs salads are posh nosh

Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

Did you order the Oasis Soup?

Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

As soon as anyone mentions Greggs - I just think of a factory somewhere with an enormous Whisky sized vat, with a mixing hook the size of the titanic's rotor, stiring a pink mush with the dna of 10000 dead pigs, with blood being added until the original grey sludge is just the right shade of Gregg's pink, slowly being squeezed out through a hole, the diameter of a small child, ready to fill some pastry somewhere.

Now if they brought that setup to a food show, I'm sure everyone like me, would immediately associate that with Greggs.

I think it was, they just renamed it.

Taste is very largely about smell (ask any wine buff about the importance of a big glass which you only half fill).

And the greasy smell of a pie shop sets the tone, even if some of the food itself might be entirely different if taken out of that context.

I ordered "beef en croute" in a small town in Scotland once - and got a Findus crispy pancake

rustlers microwave burgers

The disappointment of the drop in performance (0-tasty time went from 60 to 70 seconds) is only exceeded by the disappointment of the flavour...

People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

Okay, I will step up and defend microwave burgers. You do have to make them right; no matter what the instructions say, toast the bun separately, do not under any circumstances put it in the microwave. Fold a paper towel around the meat patty when you cook it, it will soak up the excess moisture released during heating. In the case of Rustlers burgers, throw away the Rustlers sauce, it's disgusting, and apply your proper condiments of choice instead. If we're talking cheeseburger, an extra slice of cheese does not hurt, as the one slice provided is generally lacking in flavour, as well as quantity.

None of this will make it into a gourmet experience, don't get me wrong. But it is actually a passable snack if done right, and in my case, significantly superior to the burgers available from the eastern European guy around the corner, whose food safety standards are distinctly questionable.

At the A/C, re: people eat any old shit.

You're CMOT Dibbler aren't you? I claim my money! =-D

Re: Greggs the pie shop

Really? I can't imagine any small-medium sized town doesn't have a baker and a butcher. It might be a trendy baker but round here even the larger villages still have traditional butchers. And we have greengrocers. Outdoor markets are also popular though again a bit more trendy; farm shops are also pretty au fait these days.

Re: Greggs the pie shop

We have a butcher, an baker and a greengrocer. Of course, I live in an achingly hip part of London and the butcher is organic and the bakery French.

Re: No coffee I bet

The competition for shitty coffee at a high price is incredibly strong:: basically most places use beans that are not suitably roasted.

Re: No coffee I bet

Even most of the posh coffee places serve shit coffee. NO! I do not want an americano! If I want espresso, I'm man enough to drink it without it being watered down. But if I want coffee, then I don't want something that's been over-roasted so that it makes good espresso, as that means it makes shit coffee. Get me something light or medium roasted and use a filter of some description. Surely it's not that difficult?

Re: the queue to punch this guy...

I was thinking of going to that food festival, but decided against. Lucky break, if that was the standard of tosser I'd have been within earshot of.

Re: the queue to punch this guy...

Damn, there was me hoping Floyd Grossman was dead

Re: the queue to punch this guy...

If not, the punchin' queue forms right over here. A quid a pop.

Do I get a bulk discount with a tenner? (maybe a bakers dozen)

Re: Wait a minute

I think it might have been someone working for SugaRape magazine.

Re: Wait a minute

darling surely you meant to say a la mode ne c'est pas?

Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

My overriding curiosity is this, though: who on earth—really, who—actually buys that grotesque filth?

I've never actually tried one, they could be ambrosia of the gods for all I know but instinct tells me not to find out.

We all need some mystery in our lives.

Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

"My overriding curiosity is this, though: who on earth—really, who—actually buys that grotesque filth?"

Probably the same people who do their entire weekly/monthly shop in Farmfoods and Iceland and think 4 microwave meals at 10+ minutes each is quicker than spending 20 minutes making a cheaper better meal for four with decent ingredients.

Re: Snobs

As opposed to those who don't care what it tastes like, as long as it has alcohol in it? Enjoy pruno, do you? How about OJ that's been left out for a week or three? Poor bastard.

Re: Have always liked Greggs

I've grabbed a Gregg's pie when I've only had a short lunch break. They do the job when needed. And I prefer their iced buns to most retailers'. e.g. Waitrose, who seem to add vanilla or something which just spoils the natural sugary thingness of it.

Re: Have always liked Greggs

Greggs Belgian buns are excellent. Also their bread pudding slices are pretty damned good too. Their ginger cookies are too bad.

But their jam doughnuts are an abomination, for not having been properly fried, so you might as well be just eating bread and jam. Worse than Sainsbury's poor effort.

The cheese and onion pasty is nice and the sausage roll is OK. If you don't think about what's in it. Sometimes you just need a sausage roll.

Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

or "Pretentious people" have no opinions of their own i.e. they are just yet more sheep waiting for group concensus to be delivered from the leaders of their flock.

Greggs (the shop) sells to people who know what they like even if they do not recognise healthy food

Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

Like the iPhone.

Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

That would explain modern so-called "music", then.

HEY YOU KIDS, GET ORF MY LAWN!

I've found ...

... that listening to my other half is a sensible thing to do.

For what it's worth, the Greggs next to the 72 stop is still there :)

Re: Food snobs...

The marketards really have your number, don't they? What flavo(u)r was the koolaid?

Re: Food snobs...

The food snobs might be arses. But varying degrees of food effort, taste, healthiness and presentation are necessary. I paid £70 two weeks ago for scallops followed by beef wellington. Best not think about the drinks bill... The food was excellent and beautifully presented. The service was superb. That was a posh, expensive place in London for my brother's 50th. Last weekend I had friends over who needed feeding, and I knocked up a ragu in 15 minutes that kept us all nicely fed, with a bit of pasta. All from fresh ingredients, but very little effort. This week I ate a Greggs sausage roll for lunch, because it was nice. In a couple of weeks I'll spend many hours in the kitchen prepping a family meal, because it's nice to have nice things - and there'll be some poncing around making it all pretty.

All these things are good. In their time. It's horses for courses. Main courses if I have my way, it's delicious.

Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

If you can't find proper bread, bake your own. It's not exactly rocket science ... People have been doing it since before we had electric/gas/coal ovens.

A couple pointers: Homemade bread is always edible (unless you over salt it, or incinerate it). Get and use a peel and a baking stone. Learn to make a sourdough/leaven/chef with wild-caught yeast & lactobacillus. Stick with it for a couple weeks until you get it right; you'll never buy store-bought bread again (unless you can't avoid it). Don't get fancy at first, stick to flour, yeast, salt and water (crawl, then walk, then run). Throw boiling water on the floor of the oven a couple times in the first couple minutes of cooking (unless you can afford a steam-injected bread oven).

Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

Just had one of the chicken and mushroom pies from the little Greenhalghs' van that comes round our offices, it was superb, far better than the skinny filled flat pastries that Greggs up on the retail park offer.

Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

Ah Greenalghs... and Pooles Pies, before Whelan stuck his dirty thumb in...

Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

To follow on from Paul Hollywood, he did a book that's just called 'Bread'. I've no idea if it's better than other bread books, but it was £5 when I picked it up, and it has various different kinds of bread, how to make them and how the baking actually works. Which then means you have an understanding of the baking process, and so can experiment with knowledge. It was an excellent investment of £5.

Get yourself a baker's scraper, if you're going to hand make bread. It's basically just a tall bit of unsharpened metal with handle (or the top bent over to make one) but helps quite a lot.

But if you don't fancy starting by making it, I also use a bread maker. If you keep all the stuff in a corner of the kitchen, ready to hand, you can have a loaf on the go in 5 minutes - then 2-4 hours later the machine goes ping. Hey presto!

If I want to experiement, I'll probably work it by hand - as you can feel if you've made a dough too wet, or say put too much cheese in it so it won't bake properly. At which point you just add more of the other ingredients in proportion until you've corrected your error.

A baking tray of water on the bottom of the oven gives you crustier crusts. Yum. Fresh bread and butter is the way to lunch on a weekend.