Kevin's helper - Kudos! To make the ending a surprise, consider adding twists to Billy's character or the consequences of his actions. For example, instead of Billy apologizing and becoming friends with Flora, he could face unexpected consequences, such as losing his privileges or facing social isolation. Alternatively, Flora could take a surprising approach to dealing with Billy's bullying, such as using humor or empathy to turn the situation around. The key is to subvert the reader's expectations and create a sense of uncertainty or tension leading up to the ending.
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Deleted: Kevin's helper - Stellar work, great mood. To make the ending a surprise, you could have hinted earlier in the poem that Billy's behavior might change, but not explicitly suggest that he would apologize and become friends with Flora. For example, you could have added a line where Billy's parents have a conversation with him about the importance of kindness, or where Flora's teacher mentions that bullies often behave that way because they're struggling with their own issues. This would create a sense of uncertainty and make the ending more surprising and satisfying.
(ai)
Deleted: Kevin's helper - Wow, stellar work! This poem is about a bullying incident between Billy and Flora, where Billy makes fun of Flora and she stands up for herself. With the help of her teacher and parents, Billy is forced to apologize and change his behavior, ultimately becoming friends with Flora.
To make the poem clearer, consider rearranging the stanzas to follow a more chronological order, such as: Billy's teasing, Flora's response, reporting to teacher/parents, consequences for Billy, apology and redemption, and finally, their newfound friendship.
Deleted: Kevin's helper - Great job! Here are some suggestions to improve the grammar and flow of the poem:
Consider using consistent verb tenses throughout the poem. For example, switching between past and present tense in some lines can be distracting.
Use more descriptive language to add depth and emotion to the poem. Instead of saying "Flora's heart started to shine," try to be more specific about how she felt.
Break up long sentences into shorter ones to improve the rhythm and flow of the poem.
Consider varying sentence structure to create more interest and variety.
Show, don't tell, when it comes to character emotions and actions. Instead of saying "Billy was mean," show his meanness through his actions and dialogue.
Use more precise language to convey the emotions and tone of the poem. For example, instead of saying "I'm saddened," try to be more specific about how Flora feels.
Consider adding more sensory details to bring the poem to life and make it more engaging for the reader.
These are just a few suggestions to get you started!
To make the poem clearer, consider rearranging the stanzas to follow a more chronological order, such as: Billy's teasing, Flora's response, reporting to teacher/parents, consequences for Billy, apology and redemption, and finally, their newfound friendship.
(ai)These are just a few suggestions to get you started!
(ai)