Today is another foggy, drippy morning. The world outside is so lush and beautiful, I can almost taste it. Such a stark difference from several weeks ago before the rains came. And that pretty much sums up my current state: the stark difference between what consumed my energy and what I’m doing now.

I’m savoring a cup of coffee and watching bread rise while Little Man catnaps. Who am I anymore?

Jeffrey and I went to the dairy to get in on a little harvest action. I wore him in a front pouch and he promptly fell asleep as I scrambled up the side of the cutter. For a brief moment, I was back. The radio chatter, the delicious smell of fresh silage, the grind of the well organized harvest wheel- one tractor and cart loading at a time… It felt so right. Who am I anymore?

The garden is doing well. The colorful canning shelves smile at me from the basement, reminding me of how blessed we are. Somehow the one zucchini plant outsmarted all the pests in the land and is CRANKING out zucchini. We eat it for breakfast, lunch and supper and share it with whoever we can just to get a bit of variety. And while my garden is still very much a joy in my world- it’s hard to figure out how to manage it around nap schedules and feeding times. Sometimes I have a small manager who goes with me. But his willingness to be there is typically short lived and sends me hurrying back to the house. Who am I anymore?

And the blog sits silently on the shelf, collecting dust: replaced by books about farm animals and nursery rhymes.

There are times that I remember the old days of travel adventures with a fond tug at the Ol heartstrings. Admittedly I got a strange lump in my throat when I revisited the harvest crew.

But then Jeffrey stares at me with the most trusting eyes and gives me the best grin. He waits until Dad comes into the house and proceeds to take over the conversation babbling to Dad about his day. I play silly games with him and he laughs like I’m the funniest thing in the world.

I might not have any clue who I am anymore- but I do know this: this is the best midlife crisis ever.

I’m so thankful that our Heavenly Father is constant in the ever changing seasons of life and that His Grace is Sufficient.

Kendra

Morning had arrived at Glen Oaks Farm. The sky was a clear blue and the little sunbeams merrily skipped over the Blue Ridge Mountains and found their way straight to the earthen front door of Gertie the Groundhog.

Slowly she stuck her nose out the door and drank in the fresh air.

She looked over at the big towering Oak Tree just in time to see her neighbor Scarlet the Squirrel doing the same thing.

“Gggggggreetings, Gggggert!” Scarlet chattered “it’s ggggggonna be a ggggggood day!”

And it was. Gertie had just found a recipe for a beet top salad and she happened to know where some were growing.

Her last conversation with her cousin Greg was about these beets. Strange that he’d never returned from there after he told her he was going to check their progress… Gertie paused a minute but then shook her troubled thoughts off- who could worry about the unknowns on such a lovely morning.

And she grabbed her market basket and was off. Humpity Humpity Humpity

Up the hill she went. She stopped for a brief moment surveying the view. Who doesn’t love stopping in front of the well stocked shelves of the grocery store.

Ah yes, there they were. Right where Cousin Greg had said. He’d mentioned that they were getting a little low in supplies, but it looked like it had been restocked completely.

So she went right to work, cleaning the patch 😫

As luck would have it, Mr R happened to be finishing up his morning coffee and looked out the window in time to see Gertie and her market basket rounding the corner.

But as luck would also have it, Cousin Greg had mentioned a hideout right under the AC unit in between the house and the garden.

And as luck would have it, Mr R left for work, leaving protecting the borders to his wife and 10 week old son. Things are definitely in Gert’s favor.

I looked out Jeffrey’s bedroom window in time to see Gert peeling around the corner of the AC unit and disappearing into the garden, and by the time I grabbed the gun and joined her, she had disappeared completely.

But as I frantically searched up and down the rows of vegetables, I remembered the Peter Rabbit story from my childhood: All my life I’ve felt bad for poor, scared Peter who was simply disobeying his Mama and sneaking vegetables. He got chased by Mr Mcgregor (who was out scritch scritching with his hoe) through the entire garden until he lost both of his shoes and his blue coat with the shiny brass buttons. He made an escape by hiding in a water can (filled with water) and ended up sick in bed with his mother serving him chamomile tea.

And it suddenly hit me: I am Mr Mcgreggor and He is not the bad guy.

I called mother to share my discovery and she laughed and said “Perspective is everything”

I’m sad to report that at this point Gertie is safe at her home again, tossing a beet top salad and sipping chamomile tea.

Kendra Mcgregor Rohrer

Bonus Pics:

This is not Gertie’s market basket and she does not get a shot at everything we’re growing around here 💙

Dad, it is my wish that these little hands will catch big fish,

That I’ll be there fishing with you, I know you’ll teach me what to do.

You’ll show me how to bait my hook, when we fish in lake or brook

And how to find a fishing hole… the proper way to cast my pole…

Dad, I know you’re dreaming too, of the special times I’ll share with you! -Unknown

It’s been over a month since we took these pics on a windy evening at the pond… I was trying to mail out our baby announcements before I posted any of them online- so we see how long that took me 😏 🤦🏻‍♀️

But here are a few of my favorites. Tazia Byler did a great job capturing this special stage.

Thanks Aunt Em for this photoshoot, we’ll refer to these pics time and again 🥰

And most of all, thanking God for gifting us these days, 💙💙

Kendra

Bonus Pic:

Even got a pic of the ground crew 🥰 what would we do without Grammy?

We blinked 2x and we’ve sailed past the one month mark with our little man.

One incredible month- chopped into 3 hour feeding sessions (that’s about 240 times of snuggles with my buddy 💙) Also atleast that many diaper changes, and a number of outfit changes too. No wonder everything starts to blur together.

Jeffrey has met so many new friends and we’ve just been amazed at the generosity and love poured into us as we celebrate and adjust to this new life. 🥰

We’re finally venturing out of the house a little. Jeffrey got his first truck ride with Dad- a short run to drop the truck at a local grain facility. The Jake Brake didn’t faze him. 💙

Yesterday he got introduced to harvest with Grandfather. Another snooze session. 💙

The biggest shocker recently was when Aunt Em organized a brunch for the family at Grammy’s and Aunt Deb walked around the corner. Nate gave Deb a trip to Virginia to meet Jeffrey for Mother’s Day. In doing that, I feel like he gave me a Mother’s Day gift too- such a fun whirlwind of a weekend. The bummer was when Deb’s layover was in Orlando and her connecting flight got canceled. So she rented a car and drove all night by herself to get here. Definitely some of Father’s trucker gene showing up there 😂💪🏼

Em fired up the pizza oven at the pond to celebrate Deb being around and continues to perfect the art. We’re learning as we go-on a number of fronts. This is a good life.

Julia asked me what my thoughts were on my first Mother’s Day. I laughed and admitted that I don’t have the brain space to even think extra thoughts. (Waking up every 3 hours is taking its toll)

But IF I could think anything extra- it would be this:

For years, I’ve kept a bucket list of random travel experiences. I’ve been blessed to check off many of them. But “stand out under the Northern Lights and watch them dance across the sky” remained untouched. When I was gifted this journey of motherhood- I knew that my adventure loving heart was going to need to change courses. I recognized that the travel bucket list needed to be permanently replaced with other goals. I’m so thankful for this tremendous blessing. I still have a bit of trouble believing that this is my life now. 🥹 But my midlife crisis lifestyle change has been…significant…

20 days after Jeffrey arrived, I’d just tucked him in for the night, and was preparing to catch a few minutes of blessed sleep myself, when Ben came hurrying in from his final round at the chicken houses. “KENDRA! Come out here!”

The last time he’d summoned me outside had been to hear whippoorwills, so I went outside expecting to listen. But instead, the sky above us danced with purple, pink and green. The beams shot across the sky, and faded and then came again. God brought the Northern Lights to Virginia!

Impulsively, I got Jeffrey back out of bed and we drove out to an open field where we met Em who was roaming too- drinking in the beauty and the rareness of the experience. Amazing.

The significance of God bringing my most prominent, unfinished, travel bucket-list wish, to my own little backyard, on my first Mother’s Day weekend- is not lost on me.

I’ve stressed a lot about how the logistics of these newborn days would unfold, but it’s passing by quickly, one wake window and tummy time session at a time. And as if sending angels with meal after meal to our doorstep wasn’t enough- God sent the northern lights as a spectacular reminder. He is Able. We are being carried, provided, and cared for.

And that, my friend, is my post Mother’s Day, sleep-deprived ramble: 10 days late; in true newborn fog fashion. 😂💙

May we all have eyes to see God’s creative generosity meeting the needs of our heart beyond what we can ask or think… All Glory to Him

Kendra

To our friends scattered to and fro,

It goes without saying, but March blew by like a strong gust of wind.

Definite highlight was the 3 visitors that were here for 2 weeks 🥰

But honestly do Deborah and her children count as visitors? It been almost a year since she’d spent more than a flying weekend here- so we savored a more relaxed time. Alexander got a truck ride with Grandfather and Maria was VERY willing to get in on the experience too.

Deborah turned Mothers kitchen into a calzone factory and Mother and I both have a stash of breakfast, pizza, cheeseburger, and chicken bacon ranch calzones in the freezer. I’m trying to save some til after the baby comes- but it’s not easy 😂

Julia won Aunt of the year by bringing a large plastic watering trough into the garage and filling it with soybeans. The kids spent HOURS playing out there. Farm life at its finest.

They also put a few more miles on Grandfathers pedal tractor collection. The big boys are strong enough to drive them now. The one year olds- not so much- but that didn’t keep them from attempting to claim their spots. Some occasional refereeing was definitely needed 😅

Nate was on tour with We Care, and it was super special to have him around for one day when they stopped in Dayton for a banquet. I stole this pic of him and Maria off of their Facebook page. 🥰

I’m not sure if it was more fun listening to the twins and Zander and their innocent chatter, or trying to chase down the 1 year olds. But there was plenty of entertainment all around.

And I was glad for it. Ben had the chance to help a friend run a load to Portland, OR and so he jumped at the opportunity. They reloaded with apples in the Yakima Valley.

I attempted to keep the home fires burning and enjoyed the photo feed, but was so so thankful when he arrived home a week later. What an adventure!

Another very special event was an open house/baby shower that kind friends threw for us.

I’ve kinda been looking for anything jungle/lion/ROAR (hoping Baby Rohrer 🦁 is a tame one 🥰) and they did such a cute job including that with the shower. (Side note: Father gave the little bootie flower vase to my mother a few years ago when their oldest daughter was born 😅🥹❤️)

Sweet and Savory Crepes with so many options, yogurt parfaits, and egg and ham cups.

I looked longingly at this sugary goodness, but the low sugar muffins were a real treat too.

Bless these sweet ladies for all their hard work!

The kind ladies at church threw us a shower too and I set everything out for Ben to look at once he got home. It hit me again what a gift community is. Our baby has no idea how loved he or she is already. Such an undeserved blessing 🥹❤️

After Mr Rohrer had properly acknowledged all the gifts, we got the nursery all set up and everything more or less in its new home. Now to wait… 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

And so waiting we are.

Savoring lots of good memories in the mean time,

Kendra

Bonus Pic:

A shower is a very confusing event when you’re 3 and 4 years old. Deborah said that Alexander could not wrap his brain around what a “shower for Aunt Ken could be and why people were invited to it” 😂

Here’s a screenshot of FaceTiming the Showalter boys because they wanted to see our shower gifts. They got a pack of jungle animal masks and they were excitedly watching to see which animal gift I’d show next- they’d rush to find the appropriate mask : “A MONKEY! WAIT! DON’T MOVE!” 😂😂

Inspired by all the adorable Resurrection Gardens that are popping up all over social media, I lumbered out into the woods behind our house.

I asked Ben where he suggested looking for moss, and he calmly stated “I hate to sound smart, but the north side of a tree” So armed with bucket and a small shovel (and a compass 🤪) I began the search.

The woods are just coming alive and there’s something invigorating about wandering through them. I wished I had my nephews with me, because the project was for them- but all the moss in their neck of the woods is charred at best. Oh well, satisfied with my finds; I loaded everything up and headed to Paradise Lane.

The twins just started Sunday School and they are very enthusiastic about their Bible knowledge, so we had a brief recap over the Resurrection story: how Jesus died on the cross and was put in a tomb but He didn’t stay there! He rose again and if we believe in Him, His death covers our sins and we can go to Heaven to be with Him.

(I’m not sure we totally understood the story- at one point one of the 4 year olds asked in a hush tone “Was Mama there?!” No bud-this happened a bit before Mama was born 🫣)

Then we got to work.

At first they just watched me laying out the tiny terracotta “tomb” and the stones and covering everything with moss. But they warmed up more and more and had opinions about the placement of the cross and different rocks. They rolled the stone back and forth across the empty grave and their excitement grew.

“AND we need a campfire!” This motion was proposed, seconded, and carried and the meeting adjourned before Aunt Ken knew what happened.

“Oh well, it’s their project, and I love the creativity” I thought so I carefully started laying out stones while my excited helpers rushed outside to find twigs for a campfire for the Resurrection scene. “Four year olds” I smiled to myself.

It wasn’t until I got home that the significance of the campfire over Easter weekend hit me.

Remember how Peter promised that he would stand by Jesus no matter what? Even after Jesus warned him that he’d deny him 3 times, Peter was confident in his unwavering loyalty.

Mark 14 tells us that Peter was sitting with the guards “warming himself by the fire” while Jesus was on trial in front of the Sanhedrin. A servant girl stopped and said “aren’t you with the man on trial?” And Peter denied knowing Jesus.

He moved away from the fire, but stayed in the entry way and vehemently denied the next two accusations that he even knew Jesus.

And then Jesus turned and caught Peters eye and a rooster crowed and Peter left and cried brokenly.

I’d never stopped to think about the campfire in the resurrection story and how personal it is to me.

But if I’m being honest- I’m spending way too much much time by that campfire. I’m just hanging around, watching, thinking about the uncertainty that’s ahead of me- I know Jesus is able. But what if the amount of blood thinner that I’m on creates a major problem during the birth of our child?

I’m hunkered over it, pondering the unstableness of the chicken world and wondering what’s ahead.

My eyes fill with smoky tears and I feel so sad and defeated. And yet there I stay: wrapped in my own thoughts, worrying and overthinking-keeping my pain for myself and denying giving it over to Jesus.

I could be kneeling at the cross and dropping these burdens and resting in the fact that Jesus knows the end from the beginning and nothing is too big for Him to handle.

Or I could be dancing with joy in front of the empty tomb- Praising God that He is victorious and faithful and will always make a way.

Jesus knew what He was saying when He referenced learning from little children. I’ve got a lot to ponder on.

I believe, help my unbelief!

Kendra