Meli🐢🎄🎧’s review published on Letterboxd:
Last Friday night I got a drunk text asking if I’d already seen La La Land already which made me howl so fucking hard and that made it the ultimate reason for me to stop skipping this one because if someone’s drunk and the only thing they can think about is La La Land then you just know in advance that the movie is a masterpiece. AND IT REALLY WAS.
I started to watch La La Land all cozy in the middle of the night with my dogs, I just wanted to go through it all in one sit to finish it as soon as possible and just go to sleep. I was not feeling it at all at the beginning which it’s kind of a bad sign for me because normally in musicals I’m already all cheered up since the first musical number and even if I liked the song, I was more focused on checking if they were lip-singing properly than in letting myself go and enjoy this, the other like two musical numbers were the same and I was so sure I was feeling nothing and I was not going to be heartbroken as everybody else was once the movie ended because the only emotion I thought I was feeling in the first 22 minutes was laughter because for some reason Ryan Gosling moody aaa angry man embittered with everything character was so hilarious to me; but then minute thirty came in, Mia is at a dinner with her at the time boyfriend and her in laws, she shouldn’t be there, she should be with Sebastian at the movies, and he’s just waiting her at the outside of the movie theatre, all suited up, he thinks she’s not coming, so he gives up and he enters the theater thinking he got stood up and fuCKING HELL MAN AT THAT MOMENT, EVERYTHING JUST WENT DOWNHILL, BECAUSE I CAUGHT MYSELF COVERING WITH THE COVERS AND BITING MY BLANKET SCREAMING IN IT BECAUSE HE FELT THAT SHE JUST IGNORED HIM WHEN IT WASN’T LIKE THAT, I EVEN JUMPED OUT AT THE REALIZATION THAT WITHOUT ME BEING AWARE, THEY MAKE ME CARE FOR THESE FOOLS TO BE TOGETHER ALREADY, AND WE STILL HAVE AN HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTES LEFT. It was so exciting for me, the beginning was so enemies to lovers coded and I’m not the biggest fan of it but it worked in this so flawlessly, I fucking adore Damien Chazelle. HE DID MAGIC, once it ended I had to rewind to that beginning scene to watch it all over again because now I was so fucking sad that it ended that I had to stimulate myself again with the film, and maaaan, I don’t know why I didn’t caught all that amazing camera work of the beginning, my jaw dropped, literally, this film it’s pure perfection from start to finish, and this time I could finally connect my earpods to my tv, so having the songs and Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling voices all the time straight to my ear it was just so other-wordly.
I love musicals so fucking bad, I think it’s my favorite genre of films ever, even more than horror and that’s a lot to say, but since I put this one on my watchlist -which happened a long time ago, I started on Letterboxd around 2019 and this one was one of the first films I added to my watchlist- I just wasn’t excited at all for it. I knew I had to watch it because like hellOooO the cast??????? But since it was a romantic film after all, that held me back through all these years.
Everybody at this point I think knows already the reputation that La La Land has, and that was something that I knew that when I got to watch it, it would make me feel so weird about myself. La La Land captures so perfectly accurate how it feels to fall in love. I’ve just experienced it once in my entire life (which I’m so eager to share because despite how it ended, it’s a story and a person that to this day I still remember very fondly, it has the plot of a book for real lmao but that’s another story for when I write my review when I get to watch The Notebook), and it’s not like if I got so traumatized that made me hate the feeling, because despite how much it hurt at the end, the whole experience it’s genuinely so euphoric, so sad, so happy, so mad, I mean Taylor Swift has a perfect song that describes this lol and people that have been through this already knows how it is too, Damien Chazelle knows how it is, La La Land knows how it is, I know how it is, and I don’t want it anymore, not because I’m hurt, because I’m not anymore, not because I can’t have it because I know that if I wanted to I could have it right now, but because I genuinely don’t care about having a significant other anymore.
And I’m not mad about it honestly, but it does make me feel weird not having the ability, the need, the want anymore of wanting to have a partner, not now, not anytime. Like when I get to like somebody I don’t want them as a partner, I like them because I like our talks because that’s the way I like to bond with people, and I just want everything to be a platonic not romantic/sexual relationship. Relationships are always very overwhelming to me, I can’t handle them at all, I mask a lot when I’m on one, starting on the talking stage, and when I’m too tired to do it they think something’s wrong or that I’m mad when I’m simply not just talking because I don’t want to mask anymore since it’s exhausting, and they don’t believe that, they just think I’m mad like bro why would I be mad, don’t cause an unnecessary fight because if I’m telling you I’m not mad it’s because I’m genuinely not mad?????? It’s my mistake for masking I know, but don’t tell me I’m mad when I’m not telling you I’m not mad because I’m truly not mad because if you keep doing that, now I’ll get mad lmao. I’m too selfish about my time, I don’t want a relationship, I just want to be friends and to be left alone. Don’t take it personal bro my first and last kiss was when I was like twelve with a “boyfriend” (I’m using quotations because that wasn’t really a boyfriend) so lmAO IT’S NOT JUST TOWARDS YOU, IT’S TOWARDS EVERYBODY. One time I admit tho that I wasn’t clear since minute one, I fucked up bad, I hurt the other person, I’m still really sorry for that to this day. If I ever do that again, which I doubt I will because I’m just avoiding that kind of interactions at all costs, I’m just praying karma will get my ass lol, so that’s a no no for me, it already made me pay for that one.
But where am I going with all this ramble? It was very odd for me to watch La La Land even if it’s automatically one of the best films I’ve seen this year, because seeing people in love it’s so beautiful even if that always comes with a heartbreak, it made me want to ache for something like that during the movie but once it ended, even if I kept thinking about it a lot and I’ve been like that the whole day today, I came back to my reality and made me accept that something in my behavior or maybe even sexuality has changed a lot. La La Land for me, apart of obviously being a happy and tragic torture because of the ending of the main characters, it has also become a torture for me for seeing something that I could have if I wanted, but I just don’t want it anymore, a torture for me because I might be now euphoric for a lot of stuff, but not anymore towards another person, not because I can’t have them, but because I don’t want and I’m not able to. Can’t wait to watch this beautiful torment all over again though, Mia and Seb will always be my end game. Love my babies so mUCH
