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Let’s get one f***ing thing straight: WWDC is supposed to be *for developers*.
You know, the people who actually build shit. Who dig into SDKs, APIs, system frameworks.
Who care about real updates like “What the hell is the new SwiftUI lifecycle doing?”
or “Can I finally use fucking private entitlements without jumping through flaming hoops?”
So why the hell does Apple keep opening its most important developer event of the year
with Craig Federighi doing goddamn *skydiving*? Or *parkour*? Or some *Fast & Furious parody*
with an F1 helmet and sunglasses? What the actual f*** is going on?
This isn’t Saturday Night Live. This is supposed to be a showcase of what we’re all supposed
to build our future on. Vision. Platform direction. Architecture.
Instead, we get Craig zooming through corridors in slow-mo like he’s auditioning for
Mission Impossible 9: MacBook Drift.
And it’s not even funny anymore. Maybe the first time it was *kind of* charming.
A little wink at the audience. But now? It’s just fucking cringe.
Wasted time. Wasted bandwidth. A glossy, over-produced middle finger to every developer
watching, notebook in hand, waiting for the actual meat.
Do you sit there thinking, *“Wow, this is such a great use of my time!”*
> “CUT THE SHIT, CRAIG. SHOW ME THE FUCKING TOOLS.”
We’re being sold a fantasy — not a platform vision.
What should be an opportunity to say,
“Here’s how Apple wants developers to think in the next 5 years,”
becomes a shallow PR reel of stunts, shots, and skits.
Developers want **guidance**, not gimmicks. **Vision**, not vanity.
Instead of 3 minutes of Craig pretending he’s Neo in a hallway full of Mac Studios,
how about showing us the **real** architectural shifts in Swift,
or a **deep dive** into low-level memory optimizations in macOS?
How about finally explaining wtf is happening with `SwiftData`?
Or *anything* that makes us better builders?
We could have had 20 more seconds of **clarity**, not costume.
WWDC is Apple’s time to inspire, to lead, to fucking **guide** the ecosystem.
But lately?
It feels more like we’re watching the Craig Federighi Variety Hour.
And I didn’t f***ing subscribe to that.
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