SAUCY SECRETS: A shocking shower discovery has me worried I'm marrying a sex addict
Dear Jana,
My wife and I have found ourselves in a rather, well, unique situation, and I figured you were the perfect person to offer guidance.
We've been together for 10 years. Our sex life is great, and one reason for that is that we have good communication. Recently, we started talking about ways to spice things up and my wife confided in me that she's bi-curious.
Now, I deeply value her happiness so we have decided to have a threesome with another woman. This is one small way I can support her on her journey.
So, with the decision made, my question is: what next? Where do we meet women interested in MFF threesomes? And when it does go down, how can my wife and I make sure the the experience strengthens rather than complicates our marriage.
Ron.
Dear Ron,
Can I start off by saying I'm obsessed with how seriously you are taking this threesome! And thank you for doing God's work by supporting your wife's bicuriosity. Truly, it's very noble of you to take one for the team.
Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking gives her trademark sassy advice to Aussies needing help with their love lives - or lack thereof
But let's be real here, Ronnie boy - between me and you, you're quietly chuffed about the idea of sleeping with two women, aren't you? You cheeky devil.
But enough about that. Let's get down to business because this threesome isn't going to plan itself. Luckily for you, I've come up with three easy options that'll help you navigate these sexy, uncharted waters.
Option 1: An escort
If you're nervous about how this might play out, you could always go for an escort. No shame in that game! But, Ron, this isn't the time to be frugal. Spend a bit of cash and treat yourselves to someone experienced who knows how to put a nervous couple at ease.
Think of it as a mini relationship investment (I wonder if you can claim it back on tax?) She'll know exactly how to keep things fun and stress-free while making you feel like randy teenagers.
Option 2: A 'friend'
If an escort feels too transactional, you could ask your wife if she has a friend in mind. I know, risky business, but hear me out: there's often that one flirty friend in every girl group who's secretly dying for this kind of invitation. (*cough, cough, me*)
Just be mindful - if you go this route, set some solid boundaries beforehand. The last thing you want is your wife dreading book club because 'threesome Sarah' keeps winking at her over the cheese platter.
Option 3: Get swiping
There's some wickedly saucy apps on the market at the moment, like Feeld, that exist specifically for adventurous couples like you. It's basically Tinder, but tailored for people who want threesomes. Swipe together over a glass of wine - and beware of catfishes.
Perhaps ask for a Facetime chat first before you meet the lucky lady. Whatever path you choose, remember: communication is key. Don't forget to set boundaries and expectations before anything happens.
Trust me, there's nothing sexier than knowing you're all on the same page. And don't forget the post-threesome debrief - yes, a little chat afterward is essential to make sure everyone's feeling good and there are no lingering weird vibes.
This week Jana doesn't hold back when dishing out advice to a woman whose husband is spending way too long on the phone with his ex-wife
Dear Jana,
My husband is still in regular contact with his ex-wife, which I understand is necessary because they have children together. He says their conversations are strictly about the kids, but the other night, I checked his phone (not my finest moment) and I noticed they talk for up to an hour a couple of times a week.
I felt like I had been punched in the gut. She was the one who left him, and while he's reassured me countless times he is over her, seeing his call record makes me think otherwise. There's always been this little voice in the back of my head that fears he never fully moved on and that he might've married me because I'm younger and prettier - just to show her what she lost.
Is it normal for divorced parents to communicate this much, or is this a possible red flag? I really want to trust him, and maybe this is just a part of navigating blended family life, but it doesn't feel like it.
Julie (not my real name).
Dear Julie (not your real name),
Commiserations on a yuck discovery.
Like I always say, snooping through someone's phone never ends well, and this just proves my point.
It seems you're the J.Lo in this little love triangle. Yes, just like Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have always seemed a little too friendly during those 'kids drop-off' paparazzi moments, my gut tells me your husband might still be holding a tiny flame for his ex.
And that's not the end of the world - most of us still carry a tiny flicker for a past love - but those hour-long conversations? They're not exactly screaming 'strictly about the kids'.
Let's call a spade a spade: the ex-wife clearly isn't shutting these chats down. If anything, I would say she's encouraging him to stay emotionally available to her. Bad ex-wife!
Most of the blokes I know would rather get a rectal exam than sit through a drawn-out phone chat. So yes, super suss.
It sounds like you've already brought up your fears, given the whole 'he's reassured me countless times' situation.
But maybe it's time to get a bit more direct. I'd flat-out ask him, 'What's the deal with these hour-long calls to your ex?' If he's genuinely committed to you, he'll realise these chats are blurring boundaries and step up to reassure you.
But if he brushes you off or doubles down, well, let's just say you might want to dust off the ol' Tinder because you deserve a partner who's all in on you.
God, I hate competing with the ghosts of girlfriends past. But hey, congrats on being younger and hotter, I suppose.
Dear Jana,
Is it possible to masturbate too much?
A recent conversation with my partner has left me feeling a little confused and unsure about what's considered 'normal' in this area.
For context, I typically masturbate once a week or so - usually when my partner is travelling for work or on those rare occasions when intimacy doesn't fully satisfy me, and I still want an orgasm. To me, that feels like a healthy balance.
However, my partner revealed that he masturbates every single day - usually in the shower. WTF! That can't be normal?
Now I'm wondering if that makes him a sex addict or - worse - am I not enough for him? He has never given me reason to think that before, but now I don't know if I should I be taking this personally.
Please give my overthinking brain a remedy.
Anonymous.
Dear Anonymous,
Oh Lord, forgive me if I'm a little blunt, but this is a very easy one to answer: no.
Your partner having a daily wank is not a sign of sex addiction, and it absolutely does not mean you're 'not enough'. It just means he's a living, breathing man with a functioning libido and access to hot water.
So, to further answer your question, is daily masturbation normal? Absolutely.
I mean, Jackie O recently confessed on her podcast to using her vibrator up to eight times a day. (Yes, eight!)
Meanwhile, here I was thinking my once-a-day morning 'buzz-buzz' was a bit much. Turns out, we're all just trying to live our best orgasm-filled lives - and honestly, good for us!
Also, side note: I heard that masturbation is good for your health because it uses muscles you don't normally engage in a workout. Sure beats jazzercise.
As for your partner? He's probably just taking advantage of the convenient privacy of the shower. Hardly scandalous.
Masturbation doesn't mean you're lacking as a partner - it's just a different kind of release. People masturbate for all kinds of reasons: habit, boredom, stress relief... it's rarely a reflection of their feelings toward you.
So, what should you do?
Nothing. Leave that poor man alone to wank in steamy silence.
But if you're feeling playful and want to spice things up, why not turn his solo habit into something the two of you can enjoy?
Maybe surprise him in the shower one morning or leave a cheeky photo where he'll find it. Keep yourself 'front and centre' in his mind while he does the deed.
Kinda hot, right?
