On my blog entry entitled In a Weird Place Today, Michael posted the following comment:
I have yet to come up with a satisfactory solution to how does one celebrate the successes of this [healing] work.
Using Faith as an example she wrote “I feel sad and lost but not suicidal.” I understand on some level what an accomplishment that is and how hard the work was that she did to make this a reality. What does one say to honor this?
… Sometimes I see a sculpture in my head. It is kinda a tree. I see it as a place for people to put notes or prayers if that is what they do for all those than never were listened to when they told. ~ Michael
I dedicate this page as a Healing Tree to anyone who needs a place to honor your healing work or to say what you have previously been unable to say. You may post your message in the comments. If your message is private, consider writing your message at home and posting “private message” in the comments so that your message can still be honored.
Blooming Lotus 
[…] Healing Tree […]
I was just reading Michael’s entry when you posted this. I too was touched, getting visual in my head of what he was saying, and seeing so many notes attached to the tree.
I love this idea, very important and very cool. I will come here often in silence, prayer and expression. Trees will always hear and the wind will carry the whispers to other trees (if one wants this). I often do this with real trees and now this tree is here , growing, a special place for us all, individually and collectively. Great idea.
I give honor and praise to all here, for the path has been decided and all here are walking their path of healing and self gathering. The strength and love I see here, amongst everyone here is beyond anything I’ve ever seen, truly I say this.
May the Love and Strength within us continue to grow (they never died, just hid away) and may we all continue to be who we truly are. Through these healing we do become more and more who we are, whole and unhidden. Bit by bit this is true.
*sits in silence, deep in thought and care*
This is lovely. What a great idea.
My son once made tiny paper hearts with people’s names on them that we love for the purpose of hanging them on our Ficus tree. He got the idea from an episode of Barney… who knew??? He called it a friends and family tree.
This reminds me of the spirit of that small but very potent gesture my son made, and it really did lift us up to make all the hearts, hang them, and then admire them when we’d see them hanging there. This idea goes even deeper that, and I love that there is a special area dedicated just for growth and success.
Much love and blessings,
m
HI I’m new here . What a great blog! ❤
I struggle to find information / example of the subtle or less talked about experience of DID.. I want to bring up a topic about intimacy & sleeping. And hope others understand , empathize and have some new insights..
Im recently in a new 'live in' relationship with a lovely man, whom I share everyday life with. Most of us ( 30+ alters ) love having a partner but it is much easier for me to feel & behave "normally" when I'm single, which is challenging given most of me I doesn't want to be alone any more
.. for instance
Going to bed has always been (difficult even on my own ).
I must ritualize the process with 'protective' activities before hand or Little'ies threaten me with no sleep…I often wait till I'm delirious before I can make my self go.. if I'm traveling I have to put suitcases against doors to magically protect me.. I always must wear clothes etc…Though once I'm all done and dusted safe and have slept .. I'm in this relaxed safe trance zone. Often im unnamed children alters …to be touched in this space can feel like being burnt without pain or like I have no skin to protect me, involving primarily feeling of fear & invasion ..I will full on shake( pseudoseizure) if I'm touched expectantly in this safe head space … Its making morning hugs difficult & my partner feeling rejected … .. his alarms go off now each morning at 6am.. often hes awake & horny , He just starts touching me ..( because he see the world in a 'normal" way … but we feel like throwing him angrily against the wall for the unannounced invasion , like he should know how many imaginary walls I have had to put up to sleep safely next to him … I don't know what to say or how to explain my solitary tower of safety to him effectively with out alienating him in the bed or making life all about my condition…. any ideas or thoughts ? .
(p.s Im poly DID 15 years post diagnosis .. and 10 years of therapy .. highly functioning ..with co- consciousness)
Hi 🙂
I did not suffer any near the level my wife did, (we’ve been together for 12 years all together, married 5years) she suffered greatly with child sex abuse. When we first got together and for a number of years similar situation with intimacy was in our lives. I knew there was something big she hadn’t told me and my awareness made it easier for me and her. Overtime she felt safe with me and it allowed her to open up bit by bit to me (when your ready you will allow him into your safety. Hopefully he will make you feel safe more and more, already it seems he gives you some safety). I believe if he makes you feel safe in time to come then you will find the answers you are looking with him. I hope this path unfolding for you is your Soul’s wish coming true and you both can grow as my partner and I have, with trust and safety.
I’m sure your man would like to understand and he would listen to you and when you feel safe go for it 🙂 Hopefully this helps.
Take care , peace within
To trruthelookingglass, My husband and myself ae considering a Christian Sex therapist. He has just recently opened up a small window of his life he was molested by his Catholic lay person teacher. He has fetishes that are demeaning to me. He is OCD about lingerie, bras and matching panties, I constantly have my weight loss side tracked with the fear of his obsession getting more and more extreme. I weight 60mlbs more than when we got married. He now understands the importance of staying away from porn as well as not doing double takes which I always felt diminished me, as a person. I have a rare form of cancer that is slow progressing the most damaging psychological speaking about my disease is it affects my skin. Which at this point a nice loving lights out would be for me. The book that a therapist recommended to us to read together was “Every man’s battle” written by Steven Authburn (spelling of the last name is spelled wrong, but the book can be found in the Christian section under marriage. Hope this helps or amazon. It seems that life and it’s constant array of normal problems are more difficult to deal with.I was diagnosed in my late twenties or thirties with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Normal life issues that affect over 50% of marriages almost killed me. My husband cheated on me. We when to two years of counseling with an excellent Christian therapist. Another taboo subject is erectile dysfunction, He in his uncommunicative brain figure it most be my fault, that he was not attracted to me maybe.so her had to break or marriage vows to prove that he was a man. Already having Post Traumatic Stress from my childhood. The therapist realized that I now had two Post Traumatic Stress Disorders. That a physically or sexually abused child, when re abused PTSD can occur again with a whole new set of triggers. It would have been easier to end the marriage but the easy way sometimes isn’t as easy as one would think. Go luck and God Bless
today I just feel sad, and I wonder if my ability to ever be happy with just myself, was destroyed. I wrote this today and want to pin it to the healing tree:
I Dare Not
I dare not make a face, no no
To show my sad state;
I dare not feel
I dare not be real
I dare not oh no
I dare not let me show
I dare not think of me
I dare not disagree
I dare not show I’m sad
But I must always be glad
I dare not feel
I dare not be real
I dare not oh no
I dare not let me show
I love the idea of a healing tree. This is a great concept. I’m new to this blog and I have to say I’m extremely greatful for it. It’s the first blog I have ever read or written in. I’m so private and scared to open up my experiences. This blog has given me some healing to be able to open up more. But the healing tree is great. Thanks for the idea.
I wrote this song/poem for my wife as she was beginning to know herself beyond the pain. Hopefully people here will gain something from it also.
A child so quiet,
with a soul trying to see.
Some one searches, searching to be free.
Beginning their Soulsong, singing to be wild and free.
Stepping out of the clouds,
Remembering my Soulsong, lives deep within.
Knowing my Soulsong, my heart is forever strong
Knowing my Soulsong, my heart forever sings out loud.
Once a starving flower forced into a pot,
with dark clouds all around.
Pained eyes that could not see,
then I felt and then I heard, a hidden sound,
a secret sound from deep within.
A beautiful sound that now truly begins,
it is the soul that now truly begins.
A child so quiet,
with a soul trying to see.
Some one searches, searching to be free.
Beginning their Soulsong, singing to be wild and free.
Stepping out of the clouds,
Remembering my Soulsong, lives deep within.
Knowing my Soulsong and my heart is forever strong
Knowing my Soulsong…., my heart forever sings.
I really love your blog and the healing tree 🙂
❤
thank you for the idea of healing tree i think it will help me to create a new me.
Dear Healing Tree,
He spoiled normal for me,
I created my own normal,
It didn’t fit…I didn’t fit.
Slowly light shone in,
At first deep over whelming
Then love poked a finger through the darkness and bit by bit it grew
But by
I was sexual abused as a child by my father from age 4 to 10. I had blocked all the memorys of it out and I chould not remember anything but I knew there was something wrong. In this last few months I have started having memorys come back. I’m in a relationship and I have not been able to have a ogasim with someone though I can do it on my own. I have come close but when I get there I get an overwelming fear and feeling of pain and then shutdown. I have been getting very dicoraged over this and it makes sex not enjoyable but dicoraging. Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas on how I may be able to overcome this?
For some excellent info that really helped me, search Faith’s blog for “orgasm” (use the site search at the top of the page). Similar issues are what brought me here the first time. Both the posts and comments were very helpful! Hope you can find some insight there…and will be helped as I was.
Love this concept! Thanks for sharing Faith.
a poem i wrote today:
a humiliating epiphany
i binge drink
to excess
to the point of blacking out
not good
making an utter fool of myself
unpredictable
not stable
quite sad, actually
i have a problem…
this –
i now see
(and truth be told)
i wouldn’t want to date
me
a humiliating
epiphany
A Poem that I wrote long ago, I realize now that it was in third person
…She was born
but was not allowed to live
She met death
but was not allowed to Cry
If only we knew why
we won’t need to cry…
CRLanger
I’ve been inspired by Faith to begin an invitation only blog. Not yet ready to take the courageous step she has made that blesses so many of us. Perhaps someday.
Despite that, I see it very much as a “healing tree”. Even though I didn’t realize that until I read this entry. Being able to come to the point of sharing some of “my stuff” with someone besides my therapist, when so many others cannot or have not had that chance is a blessing and privilege I don’t take lightly.
SO, I officially dedicate my blog to those who weren’t allowed to heal and those who are not yet to that point. I also dedicate it to my children (and hopefully their children to come even more so!) who are able to have the chance to experience life from a different point of view than survivors do –because of the work we are undertaking and the chains we are breaking!
Thank you Faith, and all of you, for your willingness to make yourselves vulnerable and by so doing inspire me to continue forward, bless my life with your courage and wisdom gained from experience, and make it possible for others to do the same a little at a time.
I try to always honor my children, personalities by accepting their gift that they by necessity had to take with them ,temporarily , when they left for a while. I always knew I would be back to pick them up. And bring them home to our system in the future!!! I somehow protected my incredibly strong warrior children and I later issued a clean bed and clean bathroom and later felt the pain I had to feel to be complete. I knew how to create personalities So I created Daddy One and am in the process of healing. Each and every time I remember the pain I receive a new gift and stop the pain of the revolving door the cult put in. Oh do not get me wrong, I still have a lot of work to do. Thank you for listening!!!
i have been reading a lot of the entries. i have been diagnosed with DID and am still trying to figure out what I know and what I don’t. It is really hard to understand to me b/c it seems like one of me knows everything, but can’t access it. and then others come in and try to protect or reveal and that is hard to deal with. i have a history of cutting to keep memories away, and i think it is to keep alters away too. does anyone understand what i am saying? i know i have a long history of abuse due to the years of therapy i have endured. just trying to figure out what to do and how to understand what is happening to us. thanks to anyone who understands.
Hi, Madison.
Yes, I can relate to what you are saying. My experience was that DID enabled me to process the trauma a piece at a time, which wound up being a blessing because it helped me learn to pace myself in healing. My turning point was learning to invite the alter parts/memories out (one at a time) so I could love the part back into my core and process the pain.
~ Faith
to all those who told
the truth
with innocent eyes
horror unspoken
too big for their soul
words too small
to be powerful
to all those who never listened
who shut the door
to understanding
locking the child out
with the monster
dedicated to faith and michael, and all those who were never listened to when they told. in celebration of the successes of healing work by all here on this very special blog, and beyond. personal copyright waived.
a massage to every one no docter can cure you ,and you will not go nto hell for it..thier are not enought support groups , some support groups even degrade for it . if it did not happen to them theres no fucking way they will ever understand you,and they like to think they have the answers,im 53 now and have been looking for a cure for over foerty years i dont think there is one but that does not mean stop hoping ,thier always christ you know he does make a differance esspessaly when he realy knows your planning to harm your self in
the most seriouse way he is always thier
the worst attack is porn mixesd with drugsor even livin with people who constantly see you as worthless ( thats one bad mix )
in what ive been reading may not be so happy ,but you could make some great songs with a great mesage im a music teacher and christian ,and that is what keeps me going ,every one has a god given gift and no docter has the right to burne your brains out with medication .they like to keep heavy problems quite . as far as im concernd they are all demonic they also like to make out your a scyzorinic well that always works forthem .as soon as you open up to them they attack you with guilt .
Is anybody out there that has not just been sexually molested by their father as a child but then he killed himself?? I mean i sympathize with all children that have been molested, but really, can just one person out there tell me they went thru the same thing?? Im so alone, is there anyone in this world that can relate. I was molested as a child, but in a loving way. We had a bond. Then he killed himself when i was 7. So i got the double blow. And all i can do is miss my dad. And im well in my 40’s. For me time does not heal, im still a mess.
Dear Audrey, There is,happily no one like you. My dad killed himself slowly by getting further involved with the cult. My dad used to tell me I was a better lover than my mom. That really hurt! The only way I got through it all was by separating, in my mind from what was happening. I also created a loving caring dad personality to help cure the others. I also promised all the personality’s that I would come back later and rescue them. You are not alone, You never have been.It only felt like that! I love you!With all my heart! I will see you forever!!!
I just wanted to say that I miss reading your updates. I hope you are well.