When real things happen to imaginary people

This past weekend included going to a friend's birthday tea party. Part of the entertainment was getting to smash thrift store tea cups, which was SO CATHARTIC, omg. I wore my new dress made from pink chiffon with pink velvet bats and felt very cute. (Everyone loved the dress.)

Sooooo of course when I finally saw the video of me smashing things, the Body Image Demons started shrieking. Ugh. When I see other plus-size folks, I think they're gorgeous and amazing. Can I apply that lense to myself? Hah. This is part of the reason I'm in therapy again.

(Link to video on Twitter, as DW won't let me add a screencap.)

 

While I still get a little angry about this vague ketogenic eating plan that I'm on (I miss grilled cheese sandwiches so much. So, so much.), but. Um. I've lost 19 pounds so far.

No, I'm not doing this for weight loss. Eating this way has reduced the systemic inflammation and chronic pain. In fact, between eating this way and the Botox injections, I haven't had this low of an overall pain level for years^*.

But I'm also really damn happy about the weight loss.

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In other news, it is going to be unbearably hot for the next few days. (Note to self: remember to put out extra water for the crows!) I am full of sympathy and slightly worried for my friends in PDX, because they're going to have it worse than Seattle.

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The Great Uncluttering went a step further this weekend: the work space had to be cleared even more, because my fancy motorized standing desk arrived and needed to be set up! So everything got rearranged. I love my standing desk so much. Sure, my feet hurt after using it all day, but I've had standing desks before, and after a week or so, my feet stop hurting, and my back feels better because I'm not slouching all the damn time.

Maybe this weekend I'll tackle the next part of the Great Uncluttering: The Library. Depending on the weather and if I've melted.








^*Welllllll, except for when I do something foolish like have a chocolate croissant. No, self, you can't have that much gluten anymore. Stop hoping you can occasionally indulge in more than a bite of something.

I am now visiting the land of Migraine Hangover, which is much better than the ... 3? 4? days I spent in MigraineLand. I woke up this morning, realized that why yes, something in my neck was out, this wasn't just a reaction to the ridiculously changeable weather we've been having. So I went to the chiropractor. A bunch of hideous grinding and crunching noises later, my pain levels have dropped substantially.

My chiro has no idea why my neck/atlas keeps going out of alignment, but has suggested that I look into Indian Club exercises to improve the strength in my arms, shoulders, and neck. Okay? He loaned me some starter clubs, and I'm going to watch some tutorials on ye olde internets. Apparently it's ... swinging clubs around. Sure! Let me learn to wave sticks around in a possibly menacing way!

(I asked him if I could just use parasols instead of the clubs. He sighed and told me no.)

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The new(ish, I've been doing it for a little over a month) low carb eating regime is actually helping with the general inflammation and pain issues I've been having. It also has been helping with brain fog. On the one hand, I miss mac&cheese SO MUCH. On the other hand, having a much lower level of background pain on a daily basis is AMAZING. And, I won't lie, this is also leading to weight loss, which means that the Body Image Demons are being quieter, which is really, REALLY nice. That's not the reason I'm doing this, but it's a nice side effect.

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Sometime this weekend, I really need to write a To Do list for everything I need to get done before Bats Day and Vampire Ball. But hey! The stress levels from work are dropping, which is something I kinda despaired of ever happening. Even the looming presence of multiple 6am planning meetings next week isn't making me want to run away and hide! I mean, I'm not thrilled about 6am meetings, but this time it won't be just me reminding everyone about documentation.

Good things:

- Modern pharmacology. I am a lifelong insomniac - I have memories from around age 4 or 5, being wide awake through the night and playing very quietly with my toys so I wouldn't disturb mom & dad. My life has been transformed via sleeping medication, and I am VERY THANKFUL for it.

- The never-ending earnestness of the upcoming generations of goths. Any time I start to feel jaded about The Scene (and that does happen, even to me), I go look at some of the tumblrs of the young 'uns out there, or I reread the email the younger babygoths send me. All of our spooky world is new to these kids, and their excitement is infectious.

- Triple-cream Brie. I am a simple creature, and triple-cream Brie makes me happy.

Ridiculous fashion pondering:

Firstly, tumblr is a wonderland of fantastic images of plus goth fashion. You knew that, right? Go take a look at this tumblr, it's one of my favorites.

Anyway, I've been seeing a lot of elastic cage harnesses. Like these two from CorvusCorone93 on Etsy.





I love the idea of them. I love how they look on the various plusgoth ladies I've seen photos of. I love the idea of wearing one with a severely tailored black high-collar Victorianesque blouse and a flowing skirt. My Body Image Demons love laughing at the very idea that I would wear such a thing.

::sighs::

Stupid Body Image Demons.