You didn’t tell us how old you are. I assume you’re young, but please know: this kind of confusing thing can happen to older people, too.

Before I say anything else, I want to make it clear: this is not about whether you’re good enough, pretty enough, or worthy of this guy’s feelings. Dating involves strange chemistry. Sometimes people seek out what they know they can’t have, or someone who sees them as a blank slate.

Coupling with you, after all this bonding, would have been pretty serious, right? Getting a girlfriend who’s brand new to the scene is a bit less … intense.

You’re hurt, so please feel those feelings. Then remind yourself that this guy stayed true to his word – at least to you. He told you he wasn’t going to be your boyfriend (in his own way). Actions matter, but words do too! If someone says they’re not moving a situation toward romance, believe them. Then decide how much attention you want to offer.

Feel free to ask straightforward questions in your next relationship. As in, “If you were interested in dating, would I be on your list?” You’ll get to the answers you need. I wasted a lot of time in my teens and early 20s imagining that people were working their way to dating me. The reality was that they very much enjoyed my company, but wanted something else. In some cases, they had no idea I wanted more.

Leave this friendship with the confidence to ask for what you want. Mixed signals are less fuzzy if they’re not signals at all. Use your words.