Did you 'just know' your partner was the one?

Monday | November 25, 2024

Love Letters Dating

Did you ‘just know’ your partner was the one?

Speaking of the theme of this letter … if you love reading about other people’s weddings, check this out. We have a new weddings column that is quite wonderful. It’s more about how people found love than the party itself.

You can also apply to have the Globe write about a Big Day in your life. Maybe it’s a kid’s or a grandkid’s. Honestly, it’s been really nice to read nice stories about connections, as opposed to a zillion other depressing things. I highly recommend.

I am 33, single, hoping to find that big love (ideally in time to have a family, which adds a layer of distracting pressure). I’d love to know: how much questioning is normal in a relationship? If you’re with the right person, should you always “know”?

I have a fantasy that meeting the right person will mean that the decision to be together will be easy, but I am indecisive by nature and worry I will pass on a good thing because I’m looking for perfect. Also – how do I live with the fear of never finding the right person?

– Just Right

Some people are going to question everything. That’s you – for now, at least.

Your baseline is curious, careful, and thoughtful. That means it’s harder to go with your gut – because it is your gut that’s telling you to slow down and consider all the outcomes before making decisions.

It might help to understand that there isn’t a perfect, right person. Even if someone is amazing now, they might annoy you when you’re 52. You’re picking one of many people who could be good for you. The goal, I think, is to find someone who seems not 100 percent right for you and think, “Huh. I want to be with them anyway – because not having them around would be worse than them irritating me sometimes.”

Please know: I am a worrier, too. Making decisions became easier when I realized that if I spent my life fearing mistakes, I’d make a ton of a mistakes by missing out. I also discovered that even if something doesn’t work out (work, romance, a move, etc.), I don’t need a partner to make it better. I am resilient on my own. Having someone who loves me is a bonus, but I can trust myself to deal with most things.

That can be a goal for you, too – to believe that no matter what happens, you can take care of yourself. When it comes to making decisions, that attitude lowers the stakes.

– Meredith

Readers? Were you 100 percent sure your significant other was right for you? Was the decision easy? Can you be sure and then change your mind? How certain is anyone?

Send your own question. I want to hear what’s on your mind about exes, dating, love, loss, frustrations, hopes, friendship, marriage, etc. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].