How NOT to Cook Kale Chips

*Also file under:

 ‘How to Fill House with Smoke’ or ‘How to Set off Smoke Alarms’.

I can be such a dork sometimes.

Yesterday was one of those times.

I’ve been hearing about kale chips for a while now.

How they’re supposed to quell your craving for potato chips while being much better for you because they have redeeming qualities. You know, that whole leafy greens are good for you thing.

So off I trudge to the grocery store.

Here are my nine easy steps of how NOT to make kale chips:

Step 1.  Go to store.

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Step 2.  Find the damn stuff. (I’ve never actually been aware of kale, or what it looks like. But I finally found it without having to show my stupidity by asking someone.)

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Step 3.  Pay for it and and bring it home. (I say this because I have been known to ‘lose’ things between the grocery store and home.)

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Step 4. Let kale sit in fridge for several days, forgetting all about it until it starts to look wilted then figure I better cook it before I just have to toss it.

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Step 5.  Wash kale, cut into chip sized pieces, toss with olive oil and sea salt, and spread out on baking sheet in single layer. Roast at 425° for aprox. 20 minutes.

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Well, sort of………

Here’s the problem.

I FOLLOWED the directions and set the timer for 20 minutes!

By the time the smoke was filling the house and the alarms were going off it was too late!

Step 6. Run into kitchen, turn off oven and take out baking sheet with burnt kale.

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Step 7. Go to garage and get ladder to reach smoke alarms to TURN THE DAMN THINGS OFF! (Our house is ‘open concept’ {all rooms open to one another, except the bedrooms. Great for living, not great for containing smoke!} and the ceilings are all vaulted {10' to 17'} which is where the smoke alarms are located!)

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Step 8. Open doors to 

A. let smoke out of house and 

B. 90°, humid, Florida air into house.

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Step 9.  Eat the damn things anyway because after all I went through to make them I wanted to see if it was worthwhile to try this again!

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YUM??? (it was an.....interesting flavor! LOL)