PERFECT

This is EXACTLY what I used to say to Husband! (never getting married, never having kids, never buying a 'mommy mobile'...........)

He claims he was duped.

Throwback Thursday

Husband's side of the family.

WOYWW

Testing paper weight for postcards (and what my *&$#%* printer will accept!)

How to Commit Fraud…or not

The two bookkeepers were young mothers.

They were always complaining about money and their lack thereof. About how expensive everything was. How the kids were just money drains. How their husbands were lazy and didn’t help.

Yadda yadda yadda.

Suddenly, one day we noticed their complaining stopped. And shortly after they stopped complaining they started showing up with new stuff.

New expensive clothes.

New designer purses and shoes.

Jewelry.

At Christmas time they went out on their lunch hours and came back with bags overflowing with all sorts of goodies for their kids.

Their explanation was the lazy husbands had finally gotten jobs. 

Seemed plausible.

This went on for quite some time.

Then just as suddenly their money troubles were back.

Turns out their plan for funding their money scheme was ‘floating’ their credit cards.

But you can only do that for so long until you have to make an actual PAYMENT. Once they maxed out their credit limits they had nowhere else to ‘float’.

I guess they hadn’t really thought it through.

They started borrowing money from anyone and everyone they knew.

Getting deeper and deeper into debt.

They never said which one of them had the ‘light bulb’ moment. But at the time it seemed like a good idea.

They always meant to pay it back…….

After all, they were the bookkeepers.

How hard could it be to pad the numbers here and there and pocket the extra cash?

They got away with it for some time.

I guess they just never thought about the company auditors.

The funniest part of this whole story is when they were caught they were never prosecuted or fired.

They were just demoted to operator (I told you it was the lowest of low jobs in the company, lol) and allowed to keep working.

I assume the company allowed them to keep working so they could pay back what they had embezzled. 

And possibly to save face……if it ever came out that the HUGE COMMUNICATIONS COMPANY had been duped by a couple of high school educated bookkeepers it would have NOT been good for their image! 

Punny Monday

A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.

The Story of Tom

The Setup:

Tom was a young man who, like me, took the job of operator to temporarily pay his living expenses so he could continue his schooling.

He really wasn’t invested in the job. He didn’t like the job (none of us did, actually.) He wasn’t particularly interested in keeping it.

So…….

The Situation:

In the building where we worked there were two offices. One was 24/7. The one where Tom and I worked closed at 11:30 PM. 

That meant at precisely 11:30 PM the people whose shift ended at 11:30 PM would walk out the front door and go home. But those whose shifts continued would walk next door, through a different door, to the 24/7 office and finish their shift there. Once next door the supervisor would do a head count to make sure everyone was there.

The Sting:

The funny thing was, on the nights Tom worked, they were always one person short. They would count heads again and check to see how many people they should have…..and it was always one person short!

They would scratch their heads and mumble among themselves and try and figure out why the count didn’t add up. But it never occurred to them to check the schedule to see WHO was missing!

Granted, there were several hundred people who worked in the office but……those of us who worked the night shifts were usually the same.  As were the supervisors. What I’m saying is we KNEW one another. You’d think after a while they would have caught on…….

But in all the time he worked there they never figured it out! They never caught him.

Rocket scientists they weren’t!!! 

Which could explain why it took them so long to figure out the bookkeepers were embezzling…..but that’s whole ‘nother story…….

Throwback Thursday

Future Husband circa 1961-ish

DUH!!!!

Okay, so I’m not a techie. I’m not up on the latest and greatest. Not even close! And I’m easily impressed.

But this has to be the greatest thing since sliced bread, as my mother used to say!

I’m reading a book on my Tablet, “Grow Your Handmade Business: How to Envision, Develop and Sustain a Creative Business" by Kari Chapin.

In she lists various artists and their websites.

Usually when I’m reading a hardcover book like this and it has links I find myself running to the computer and typing in the address to go to the site.

Well, I no longer need to do that!

Hosannas and angel choirs!

In the digital version the links are ‘live’!!!

As I come across a link I just tap on it and voilà! I’m there!

Like magic I’m whisked away in cyberspace! Without having to type anything!

It even opens in a new tab so I don’t lose my place in the book!

Who knew????

Certainly not me!

Okay, so I’m late to the party….I told you I was easily impressed!

My First REAL Job

I was in college and still using my parent’s car. But it became glaringly apparent that accommodating all our various schedules was becoming impossible.   

I needed a car of my own.

In order to buy a car I needed an income.

To have an income one needs a job.

I needed a job.

As it turned out the BIG COMMUNICATIONS COMPANY was hiring.

So, I filled out an application.

When they found out I was still going to school they said they wouldn’t hire me. I (naturally) lied and said I was taking ‘a sabbatical’.

They needed an official withdrawal.

 Official withdrawal obtained and delivered, they scheduled me for their assessment test.

It turns out the BIG COMMUNICATIONS COMPANY was rather picky about who they hire.

The day of the test I was with 29 other applicants. 28 of them were recent graduates of the local high school.

The testing lasted ALL DAY. There were aptitude tests, IQ tests, logic tests, directions tests (I kid you not! One test was a map and you had to follow a route without backtracking!)

Then we waited while they scored our tests.

Finally a woman came and took me into her office. 

Turns out, of the 30 of us who were tested that day, only one other guy and I passed!

At one point she told me I qualified for ALL the different positions they were hiring for.

I had my choice.

I could be a technician (the highest paid non-managerial job in the company) a clerk, a business rep or………and here comes the funny part……an operator.

I chose………yep…… operator.

The lowest paying (and lowest in rank, only one step above lunch lady, as it turned out.)

The reason I chose this lofty profession was many faceted;

1. My mother was an operator.

2. The office was only a mile from home.

3. It would work around my class schedule being shift work (as it turned out, not so much.)

In hindsight it makes me laugh when I think about it. But, I did learn a lot about people.  I did have some fun times. But best of all, it’s where I met Husband.

Without that awful job I wouldn’t be where I am today…………

Punny Monday

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

I Did It!

And now I know I never want to do it again! LOL

Throwback Thursday

The reason I like this picture: my beloved Pinto is in the background......and Husband's first Corvette is there too!

WOYWW

I have no idea why I’m so obsessed with this! I was determined to learn how to text wrap in Word. I did that. Now I’m obsessed with turning some of my stories into a zine. I’m sure no one will be interested in buying it, or even reading it for that matter. But I can’t stop playing with it! LOL 

Lard and Turpentine (and Enemas) Oh My!

My father’s side of the family was very homeopathic about medicine.

Well, maybe not homeopathic as much as home remedy-pathic.

They were great believers in ‘do it yourself’ medicine.

Almost everything could be cured with an enema.

Have a fever? Flush it out!

Upset tummy? Flush it out!

Picked up a ‘bug’? Well, you get the idea.

I was NOT a fan of my Grandmother’s remedies.

The one that I hated most (almost as much as the dreaded enema) was the lard and turpentine cure.

This was her (cheap) version of Vick’s VapoRub.

Whenever you came down with a cold, or in my case my semi-annual bout of bronchitis, out came the special pot.

She would heat up some lard and send my Grandfather down to the basement for the turpentine. She mixed them together and when the concoction cooled down she would rub it all over my chest.

As if that wasn’t bad enough she would then pin a piece of flannel to the inside of my pajamas (to protect them) and smooth it out so it would stick to my skin.

UGH!

It was AWFUL!

It felt terrible, it stank to high heaven and I HATED it!

To this day I can’t stand the feel of anything wet or sticky against my skin!

You know, looking back I’m beginning to understand why my father had some of the issues he did……….

Punny Monday

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

In Order To Get To Where You Want To Be, You Have To Know Where You Want To Go

It’s kind of a ‘Catch 22’ isn’t it?

In these first days of the New Year I find myself reflecting on where I want to take my art.

Problem is I have NO FREAKIN’ IDEA! 

I’m conflicted.

Do I want to really knuckle down and take a course on how to market myself? Do I want to spend more time on the computer, do the hard work and push my way into your mailbox?

Do I want to look for commissions?

Do I want to take more courses and join more groups?

Do I want to make more journals?

Or would I rather just draw?

I find myself flattered when asked for more of my art to sell at the galleries. On the other hand I find myself resentful of these requests. They take away time from what I WANT to do….whatever THAT is!

Ungrateful of me, I know!

I wonder if I really want to ‘be famous’ (you know what I mean…….. a name that is recognizable in the ever expanding ‘art world’ we’ve built here in cyberspace.)

The demands would increase and I wonder if it would be as fulfilling as I think it would be.

Or would I just become more resentful?

Could I teach classes? Either online or in person? What do I know that anyone would want to learn from me that they couldn’t just find on YouTube? (and then there’s the technical learning curve…..yikes!)

Would I be pigeonholed? Expected to always do the same things?

Would it bring me joy?

I watch some of the artists I admire. Authors, illustrators and art makers.

They go to conferences, teach art retreats, mingle and put themselves out there.

That makes me uncomfortable.

So, I think I’ll just stay here and do what I do.

Safe behind my monitor…….. just us.

The cozy little community we’ve formed.

I’m comfortable here.

I like it here. 

Throwback Thursday

WOYWW

Well, it's what's on my virtual work desk......a work in progress.

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy!

Somebody was paying attention when I mentioned I always wanted a Spirograph when I was little.

The other day the doorbell rang and when I opened the door….this was there! 

I'm having so much fun!!!!

Thanks Deanna!!!!! 

Punny Monday

I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

Perfectly Normal

Throwback Thursday......sorta......

I’ve decided not to make new year’s resolutions……..

But to make New Year’s declarations!

So here goes.

You make a baby.

For nine months you carry it around, protected by your own being.

Then it’s born.

You’re amazed at this creature that is a combination of two separate people.

At first you’re terrified.

Then you settle in and get the hang of it.

You spend years inputting experiences and data.

You sometimes wonder if it’s getting through.

Then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, there standing before you is a fully grown, whole and complete person.

With their own ideas and opinions.

And you are dazzled!

Your wit and intelligence amaze me.

Your kindness inspires me.

Your ideas astound me.

If I could choose, from all the world, two people to be my sons I would choose you!

Because you are awesome!

It had to be said!