• Toopy and Binoo The Movie

    Toopy and Binoo The Movie

    ★★

    Binoo is hands down the best character, if only for the fact he actually moves the plot forward. Most other characters meander around until he's able to solve the issue.

    Toopy on the other hand is a transphobic rat that uses weaponised incompetence to get his way and never take responsibility. I have never seen a more one sided relationship in my life.

    #BinooDeservesBetter

  • Frankenhooker

    Frankenhooker

    ★★★

    Building your partner up, taken to an extreme. Tia would appreciate the bratz doll aesthetic of Elizabeth.

    Besides for a questionable ending, this Frankenstein... redo had no right to be this good.

  • Fifty Shades Darker

    Fifty Shades Darker

    The amount of leering these two do is insane. This film would get an extra star if Ana tried to speed run bankrupting Christian.

    Edit: bonus points for somehow giving me a panic attack 25 minutes after watching! 🐀

  • Clue

    Clue

    ★★★

    Peer pressuring your friends to commit murder, a great house warming party idea.

  • Borderlands

    Borderlands

    Not even bad, just disappointing. The worse thing you can do with a movie like this is make me bored.

    Every character is a blackhole of charisma and the plot does nothing with it's source material. The only hope for the movie would have been it's comedy if not for the neutering it received in post production, leaving me wondering what the point of slapping the borderlands logo on it was.

    Krieg was at least cute

  • Miffy's Dream

    Miffy's Dream

    ★★★

    Makes me want a björk burger

  • A Very Potter Musical

    A Very Potter Musical

    ★★★★

    In a better world, this made it to Broadway.

  • A Princess for Christmas

    A Princess for Christmas

    ★½

    A prime example of why we should bring back the guillotine.

  • Subservience

    Subservience

    Detroit: Become Human without the social commentary! Should've been a lot of different things, unfortunately ends up just being a M3gan rippoff with oddly enough Megan Fox being the only really good part of the movie, most other characters are either stiff or children so 🤖🤷🏿‍♀️.

    The real question is why do all these service bots have built in sex toys. Are we really fucking the robot maids in the year 20XX. All I can say is these things should probably have a bill of rights, but it's the states so give it another 200 year.

  • Horror Hospital

    Horror Hospital

    I'm convinced they spent the entire budget on that terrible ooze suit 🧟‍♀️.

    A truly terrible film that only further proves the English are terrible.

  • Godzilla × Kong: The New Empire

    Godzilla × Kong: The New Empire

    ★½

    I'm scared to think Hollywood will never get over the poorly placed 80s soundtrack.

    Definitely need a nap and an art house movie after this shlock.

  • Twisters

    Twisters

    ★★★

    Maybe geo engineering is a bad idea. Twisters is a stupid movie by concept, but does improve on the original as a more intense and overall better produced movie, though it loses some of its sincerity as a result. And what was that camera work near the end!!! Overall kind of fun

    Finally, get fucked Javi. You useless mf

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