Despite its cute ending, this thing is very poorly written, pretty poorly acted, seriously under researched, and quite amaturishly filmed at times. The supporting actress was a better actor (and honestly, prettier) than the lead, the sisters Hawaiian shirt wearing dad was trying to hide his Irish accent and so just came off confusingly queer, and the lead soccer star's mom got literally no shit for profiting off her sons sports stardom. Laila and I were also confused the whole…
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Christmas Island 2023
Honestly this is a lot less silly than what I expected. Sure, the premise is odd, and yeah, everyone is way too nice and normal on this relatively remote Nova Scotian island, and yes, it defies belief that these islanders go about their Christmas season duties with only T-shirts and an unbuttoned flannel, let alone the stranded L.A. based family doing the same (or even more unbelievably, in cocktail dresses and a jacket), but it's all pretty harmless and charming.…
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Deck the Halls 2006
"You go along, thinking you're doing all the right things, for all the right reasons.... then you blow up your house."
A succinct quote to cover many of life's events. Such as:
Your Christmas feud with your insane neighborYour middle aged crisis
Your unpermitted kitchen conversion from electric to gas
Your Jinx cosplay getting too literal
Your forgetting that in order to UP your house, the balloons go on the outside
Your calling 911 because of a medical emergency…
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A Merry Scottish Christmas 2023
This one's a bit weird. Party of Five siblings Lacey Chabert and Scott Wolf reunite as, well, siblings, who are a bit out of touch with each other and find that becoming inheritors of a Scottish Castle is just the thing to bring them back together. It's a bit odd that instead of a central romantic "love story" there is a familial "love story" of sorts, and the romantic stuff is off to the side with Lacey being woo'd by…
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Haul Out the Holly: Lit Up 2023
Well, shit. In my review of Haul Out the Holly I said "Quite simply this is one of the most unhinged holiday movies I've ever experienced", which I do stand by, but this thing, this fucking thing, is on another level. Now the HOA president, who red pilled poor Lacey Chabert in the previous entry, is getting Christmas cucked by some asshole influencers!
Shoot all these motherfuckers to the moon! Not only do we have the original cast of HOA…
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Hot Frosty 2024
I'm sorry, was I not supposed to like this?
Dude needs to hydrate though. Christmas isn't about vascularity, I don't care how Hot and Frosty you are.
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Haul Out the Holly 2022
Quite simply this is one of the most unhinged holiday movies I've ever experienced. Basically, a nice woman wanting a relaxing Christmas vacation with her parents is immediately abandoned by them, leaving her to deal with a bunch of psychopathic HOA cultists led by an insane man who looks like a budget mix of Jeremy Renner and Nathan Fillion, who summarily neggs her until she's red pilled into believing that she was wrong, they were right, and he's someone worth…
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A Biltmore Christmas 2023
I was led to believe that this time travel holiday jam, set in the Biltmore Hotel, was the crème de la crème of Hallmark's Christmas output.
My wife Laila and I disagree.
I applaud the effort on trying something a bit more high concept than "do or do not fall in love with a hot dude during Christmas" but maybe Back to the Future in the Golden Age of Film is too much of a high bar to set for…
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Merry & Bright 2019
Ok, I've got thoughts. Or.....let's just say, I've got thoughts but I'll put those aside because I've got one major question that I can't shake.
But first, just so we're clear, I'm not mad at this movie, nor annoyed, nor let down. I knew what I was getting into (thanks to Jade talks too much). My wife knew what we were getting into. I chose this little nugget as our Christmas filmic kick-off for a reason. And that reason is,…
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Fantasia 1940
I saw this film at a very young age. I didn't really understand what classical music was nor (obviously) interpretive art. All I knew of animated filmdom was the Disney classics like Bambi, Snow White, The Jungle Book, and the uplifting tale of uncomplicated and neverending friendship that is The Fox and the Hound. I was more than familiar with Mickey, Goofy, Pluto, and all their shenanigans, but I wasn't prepared for what this was. My brother has oft told…
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Anthony Jeselnik: Bones and All 2024
If you enjoy the fine art of a well crafted dead baby joke, then you'll probably enjoy this.