man, my bro count orlok? he doesn’t have sex, he FUCKS.

…anyway! Everybody in my theater hated this. They thought it was too tragic, too horny, and most of all, too dark. And if that doesn’t scream a good horror film, then I don’t know what else will.

Nosferatu is great, and it’s a damn good example of how you remake a movie. Robert Eggers took what make the original work and along with his signature folklore feel to it,…

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

Oppenheimer is the best movie of the year so far, hands down, no contest. Christopher Nolan has done it again with some of the best writing, acting, cinematography, SOUND DESIGN, editing, and use of practical effects I’ve ever seen in a modern day motion picture, so much in fact I can’t believe it exists and how it’s getting this much traction mostly because of the Barbenheimer trend, which by the way, I don’t recommend watching this immediately…

Daffy Duck shakes his ass and gets cancelled. Why haven’t you watched this yet?

The fact that Warner Bros. almost wrote this off for taxes and had to give it to a random indie studio to release it is mind boggling as fuck, but man, I’m so glad that it seen the light of day, because I had a very good and very fun time! The humor while still having a bit of kid centric gags is very charming and…

Warning: do not go into this expecting straight-up horror. Instead, go into this expecting a dark comedy with lots of gore and cartoony antics. Trust me, it’s better that way.

Because while Longlegs is undoubtedly scarier, The Monkey is just way funnier, and you can technically even call both the yin and yang of Perkins’ filmography. For starters, all the kills here are all great, brutal and ridiculous while also being hilarious at the same time, and at points it…

Ո—ↃↃL, :ᒕ ∴L⏁’Ω— ⨀Ω•⊥ᘰↃ•⨀:⊥\\ ⨀Ո:ᘰ, ⨀Ո—⊥…\\LL⊂ ⊓L//. ⊥L⊔, ⨪Ↄ—•ᘰ— \\L L⏁⨀ᘰ:⊂—, :⨀’ᘰ ⊥:V— Ω:\\Ո⨀ ⊥L⊔, ⏁⊥Ↄ—ᘰᘰ ∴L⏁’Ω— :⊥ ᒕↃLΩ:⊂•, ⨀Ո—⊥ ⊂L⊥’⨀.

OKAY um…well that was something!

I knew almost nothing about this film. I was not aware of the insane marketing campaign going on and the only thing I got from it when it came out was that it starred Nicolas Cage and it was a crime horror ala The Silence of the Lambs. But HOLY SHIT did that prove…

WHAT THE FUCK.

I’m in utter disbelief right now. Who would have thought that fucking MUBI, the one streaming service movie YouTubers sometimes shove down our throats, would one day just release something as psycho and deranged as THIS. Because hooooooooollllyyyy shit. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. The Substance is fucking nuts. It’s the equivalent of Darren Aronofsky and David Cronenberg having a baby that has the personality of a Charli XCX song. And the fact this even got nominated for Best…

There are few films that generally wow me to the point where in the first few minutes I immediately call them perfect.

This is one of them.

Now, Stanley Kubrick has done some phenomenal films, but I think in my opinion he’s at his best here narratively and technically. In the two and a half hour runtime, a single minute of this is never wasted (yes even with the intermission and 2-3 minute long music opener). The film is mostly…

I’ve never played a FNAF game before, I know what they are and I’m familiar with the lore but I’ve just never got around to them, so for this film I just entered it as a casual movie goer.

So, after almost a decade of development hell it’s finally out AND…I mean it’s far from good but I kind of like it?

Five Nights at Freddy’s is fucking stupid and can be pretty corny and out of touch with the…

This is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

This is my favorite film of all time.

This is a film where it seems to never escape my head.

This has some of the most human characters I’ve ever seen in all of film.

This film has in my opinion the best script ever put to screen, from the oh so wonderful Charlie Kaufman.

This film has an amazing score, and while it’s only used in the promotional material, whenever I…

Paul Reubens, the guy who played the title character Pee-Wee Herman, passed away today at the age of 70 due to cancer.

While outside of this movie I haven’t watched a ton of his other works, he was a talented man who had a clear vision for what he wanted to achieve, and the character and style of Pee-Wee Herman proves that, for this films case he and Tim Burton blended two different styles and perfectly executed them together, with…