I didn’t expect this to be as emotional as it was, and I think it’s elevated more by Eisenberg and Culkin’s great chemistry and awkward dialogue. It’s a movie that could happen in real life, and it probably has at some point. Looked very pretty also, and don’t even get me started on that ending.

Writing wise though it isn’t all that noteworthy, and can be pretty slow and uninteresting at points, but overall I had a good time here. I’m glad to see Eisenberg getting to do some more cool stuff now after being in that rut for a minute. Keep it up!

First NEW movie of the year!

And um…yeah Leigh Whannell did not make a bad movie. Leigh Whannell also did not make a good movie. Leigh Whannell instead made an okay movie, and I’m fine with that.

Wolf Man has some great practical effects and cinematography, decent ideas, good performances, and werewolf shenanigans that will make it an overall fun and entertaining monster romp, but man, I expected so much more here. The storyline is VERY basic with  characters that aren’t super memorable outside of our main lead, the dialogue can be pretty cheesy at points, the scares themselves (minus those first 15 minutes) weren’t really all that impactful, and of course, the themes of how generational trauma impacts someone are portrayed not so greatly and felt forced and used as an exposition dump more than anything.

I also wish it was committed enough to more risks than what actually ended up on screen. The first 15  Most of the film is just normal mediocre Blumhouse January junk, but there are points that actually wowed me on a conceptual level. The whole film being a homage to The Fly was awesome, and it brought some cool scenes with gimmicks such as the night vision and sensitivity to sound, but I wish we saw more of that. Add a POV shot of the wolf or something! Do some more bad shit insane angles and movements with the camera! You got it in you Leigh!

But if there’s one thing that makes this movie a mixed bag for me, it would be the werewolf design. Now, I can defend it because (again) this is a homage to The Fly and is a pretty slow transformation, and I also like the more realistic take on it. But I also just want to rag on it too because MAN it looks corny at points, if you’ve seen the movie you know what I’m talking about, but if you haven’t, imagine Gollum but with more body hair and jeans. That’s the design here. I wish it would have become an actual wolf-like design because of how…interesting it looks, but whatever. again, I think it can defend it due to its homage and sense of realism.

But for what it’s worth, I think this is a decent enough time to buy a ticket to. Will it rock your world? No. Is it as good as Whannell’s The Invisible Man? Also no. But if you want an actual GOOD werewolf/creature feature, this is one of the better options.

…btw silence your phone please, I heard about 20 Snapchat, Facebook, and Samsung notifications going off at my showing, not only that, but someone also cracked open a fucking beer. FML.

Celebrating the life of Lynch tonight by FINALLY getting to his most popular film, and the one that’s been rotting on my Criterion shelf for some time now.

Mulholland Drive while not Lynch’s most accessible film, is certainly a very unique one. It makes sense that this was originally considered to be a pilot like Twin Peaks, because with how much shit is going on and the whole dream aspect of the story, it makes its pacing and ending feel more like an episode of TV rather than an actual movie. This isn’t a bad thing at all obviously, but I’m just so confused and I think this shit’s a little too complicated for me at the moment, even as a Lynch fan. It’s a phenomenal story don’t get me wrong, and I LOVED all the characters, but as someone who spent 20 minutes in the bathroom crying over Lynch’s death, I think I need to sit on it for a while and fully soak into it, you know?

But in my opinion, it’s the visuals and bizarre delivery from everyone that makes it for me, kind of like what Inland Empire did to me when I saw that a while ago. This is a beautiful, beautiful looking movie, with whites that are bright and blues and reds that pop out, and the shots just look better and better when the film keeps going and going. And the performances (especially with the two female leads), start being weird and just keep that energy up until the last 2 minutes, where it just says fuck all and brings you a visual nightmare.

I understand why this is his biggest film, with a cast featuring Naomi Watts and Justin Theroux and the fact that this is his most…I guess normal (?) film, it makes sense why people would eat it up. And hey, even if it’s confusing as fuck, I ate it up also. Thank you for everything, David.

“Keep your eye on the donut and not on the hole.”

David Lynch is a name I’ve heard since I was a kid when I accidentally stumbled on his animated web series Dumbland, and ever since then, he has always stuck around with me one way or another. Though it wasn’t until a couple years ago where I saw my first film of his, which also ended up being his first, that being Eraserhead. It was the second Criterion Blu-ray I ever bought, and I remember watching it and being so weirded out but also so entranced by what was happening on screen. The visuals were gross but dreamy, the dialogue and performances were bizarre but stellar, and the style while surreal and unique was very beautiful and mind blowing. For my teenage mind, this shit was insane, and I’ve been a fan since, though not a big enough fan.

I still have movies to watch, I still need to finish Twin Peaks, I still have albums to listen to, I still have a whole side of crazed hair madness and fear that I still need to discover. And that will come eventually for sure, but the fact that this film introduced me to a world of movies that I would have never imagined, a world where reality is lost and the madness over took it, a world of surrealist expression and grounded folk, a world of nightmares, a world of dreams…

…and a world of films that wouldn’t have been noticed or become influences to me and my work if it weren’t for my discovery of Lynch, is quite amazing. Celebrity deaths never make me cry my eyes out, but this is an exception. I’m devastated, as he was definitely one of my top 5 favorite filmmaker’s, but the fact that he was able to exist and give us all of this shit to begin with because of how passionate he was is amazing.

It’s a beautiful day with golden sunshine and blue skies all the way. And everyone, go do him a favor and watch or listen to one of his projects tonight. Watch any of his films, revisit Twin Peaks, go listen to one of his albums, look at his art, just go celebrate him and his legacy. There will never be another David Lynch, but the fact that we got one to begin with, is quite beautiful.

And I hope in Heaven, everything is fine.

R.I.P. David Lynch, I’ll miss you so so much.

I worked in retail. I had to deal with crap like this, having to go in when people don’t want to, long and mundane conversations, seeing a bunch of weird folk make conspiracies and complaints that aren’t even remotely realistic, and of course, have those friends that would want to break the rules just to have a bit of entertainment. It was bullshit from time to time, and after two months I did leave (due to college/school, and it was just a summer job after all), but it was also strangely fun and definitely opened my eyes for just how fucking stupid people can be. Would I work in that field again? Fuck no. Will I remember it for the rest of my life? Definitely.

Clerks is the closest film that I’m aware of that would replicate the same feeling I had back then. And while yes it’s slow and yes it’s kind of boring, I appreciate it a lot more now than I did when I first saw this at age 14, where I only bothered to watch it not for the realism but instead for the explicit dialogue. Because, you know, wannabe adult trying to watch a wannabe NC-17 movie. I was stupid back then.

This shouldn’t be as good as it is. There isn’t anything real innovative with the story, the humor is very juvenile and crass, and the animation itself isn’t the prettiest thing to look at, but it all works greatly thanks to how much of a genius Mike Judge is with his writing and satire. This is one of the funniest films I’ve ever seen, and while it’s not going to be for everyone with how stupid it all is, at least it knows that it’s stupid and isn’t trying to hide it and be some metaphorical masterpiece of high art. It’s fucking Beavis and Butt-Head, you should already know what to expect.

Watched this in a PlayStation VR headset to test out the 3D Blu-ray I bought recently. Is seeing this in 3D the best way to watch this? Maybe. It sure looks impressive and clean, but here’s the thing, it’s not 2012 anymore. I don’t think anyone wants to invest in a defunct media format with specific players and TV’s that aren’t even made anymore, or a bulky VR headset that’s pricy as hell. If you got the tech for it, try it out, but I think 2D is good enough. Not to mention, my head is now very sweaty and my eyes now hurt a little bit.

…anyway good movie! I don’t think it’s the best Alien film by a LONG shot but it’s ambitious and thoroughly entertaining. I’d watch this over Alien: Covenant any day.

I bought this shit on Blu-ray. I spent $5 of my well deserved money from my paycheck on a copy of Seth motherfucking MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of motherfucking Cartoon Comedy, in glorious 1080P quality. Have you ever seen someone who’s willing to tell the internet that they spent actual money on this? You haven’t? Well, I’m not surprised. Now, people like to claim that everything I say or watch on my profile is satire, and they aren’t wrong for saying this. I do like to go so deep within my terrible sense of humor that people look at it and think “oh god, is this real?”, but it gets to a point where you ask yourself: when is it satire and when is it not? Everything just starts to blend in together consistently to a point where you don’t even know anymore. You may critique it and will make theory after theory whether or not it’s all true, but you’ll never know. You’ll never know how my mind works, you’ll never know if this will be blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah 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You won’t. You fucking won’t. And you know what? That may be for the better.

…

…anyway if you’re into “edgier” and “unused” Family Guy cutaway gags then go for it but I think this overall just fucking sucked cock so 2/10

Looks both dated as fuck and pretty stylish for today, with it having some nice Evil Dead-like shots. The story though is pretty basic with that twist coming from a mile away, and good performances weren’t exactly the most consistent part of the film, but I was entertained all throughout and thought it was just a fine film at the end of the day.

Yeah, I don't think I need to watch any other movies this year. This filled me up just well.

So, Wallace and Gromit are back! For the first time in over 15 years! How exciting! I mean who doesn’t love these guys? I’ll tell you who, assholes. If you don’t like Wallace and Gromit, you’re an asshole, but not just any asshole, an asshole who has no joy whatsoever and wants to ruin everyone’s day. So if you’re like that, you can go fuck yourself.

Anyway, this was pretty good! I don’t think it’s a masterpiece by any means and I’ll prefer The Curse of the Were-Rabbit over this any day, but it’s charming and very entertaining for its whole runtime. The animation is also very stellar, the voice acting was solid (Wallace’s new VA was great specifically), and I think the story revolving around AI fits right at home with these characters. Sure it’s humor is not laugh out loud funny and I do think Wallace can be a bit of a dick, and I believe this could have been more tighter if it would have chopped off about 20ish minutes, but fuck it, I’m just happy that Netflix was bothered enough to bring these guys back for another movie. It’s been too long, I missed you lads.

like a road runner cartoon if it was drenched with breast milk and sand (maybe water too)

This review may contain spoilers.

the kindest movie of the year, nothing but sunshine and fingers

aww boohoo seth macfarlane was forced to make an episode that he didn’t want to make just so he can direct his movie ted, he just wanted to cancel it but fox wouldn’t let him, and just had to acknowledge it in the opening crawl, oh BOOHOO!

…this kinda sucked, was pretty bored tbh. nothing special happens besides them bringing in American Dad! and The Cleveland Show characters for some reason. now why did I watch all of these in a row tonight instead of that new Wallace and Gromit movie again?

A bit more fun than I remember it being. It’s still more of the same with the fuckass pop culture references I don’t really find funny, but at least here the gags are a bit stronger and I found the jabs at FOX to be pretty great. Visuals were decent too.

I have Adult Swim on in the background, and I don’t feel like changing the channel so…here we are!

I’m not a big Star Wars guy, and I’m also not a big Family Guy…guy. So because of that, I just find this to be whatever. It’s not bad but I don’t know, the style of humor Family Guy has just isn’t my thing. I prefer other shows like South Park and Smiling Friends with its more dialogue-centric humor with strongly written characters rather than just pop culture references and cutaways, but hey, who am I to judge. I laugh at dumb shit anyways.

I love the FX show of the same name so it’s no surprise that I loved this as well. Everyone (besides Stu) is such an asshole here that it makes almost everything they say a joke, and added with everyone’s dumb as hell but amazing performance, it delivers a strong and entertaining romp into madness that’s unlike any other horror comedy. Not to mention it being just super fucking funny overall.

I think I prefer the show as its characters are a bit more memorable to me compared to the ones featured here, but come on, the show has absolutely nothing compared to those last 15 minutes, it’s so fucking nuts that I just have to laugh at it. No spoilers, see for yourself.

OKAY so I realized just now that every single New Year’s Eve since the creation of my Letterboxd profile, I watch a movie with some pedophilic theme or character. 2022 was The End of Evangelion, 2023 was May December, and now in the year of our lord 2024, we have Happiness. I have no idea why this is always happening but fuck it, I guess this is a yearly tradition now.

And what the fuck. Happiness is a film in which I can’t possibly really talk about it without spoiling, and while I can do that, I think most of your enjoyment from this film is if you don’t know anything about it at all. It’s a fucked up film with a twisted as hell sense of humor, and you’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you’ll definitely feel miserable by the end of it. One of the most uncomfortable but funniest films you may ever see, and even if it’s disturbing and deserving of that NC-17 rating, you may want to see it again. Not for a while though!

…oh and happy new year I guess? blegh.

Probably the biggest surprise of the year, because like most people, I was originally NOT interested in this film at all. I’m not a Transformers fan to begin with and added with the fact that the marketing made it look like this was just another generic kids movie, I ended up skipping its theatrical release in favor of more adult movies, cause I AM a near adult who doesn’t watch kids movies! Not at all! I’m not a boy! I’m a man! Why watch this baby shit when REAL films like Joker 2 are coming out just a week later? RIGHT? I don’t care!

…I was stupid a few months ago okay? Yeah, the movie came out and yeah people were raving about it, especially that one Twitter account that was lurking underneath every single post for a while, and yeah it was at this point where I became intrigued and wanted to see what the hubbub was about. And yeah, it kinda kicks ass.

Transformers One is what I’ve been wanting from a Transformers movie in forever. No humans, no dumbass narrative, no stupid masturbation scenes, just Transformers doing what Transformers do best and delivering some great action and character development to boot. It’s still a kids movie at heart but don’t fret, it’s not as annoying as the trailers look like it’s going to be…or at least after the first 20 minutes or so. The first act does feels a bit too kiddy for me, and the humor all throughout wasn’t that great (minus the first joke haha), but later on it does gets more interesting and feels like a proper family film rather than something just for 8 year olds. But other than that, I think the animation looks pretty solid (minus a couple corny faces here or there), the voice cast while being all celebrities can be great with these characters and I love how Chris Hemsworth specifically sounds more like Peter Cullen the further we get into the film, and of course the third act was really, really great and made the whole film for me.

I’m impressed, this was a complete 180 for me and if I’ll be honest is probably the best Transformers film ever? It’s great, it’s not a masterpiece by any means as the humor kind of sucks and the story isn’t really groundbreaking, but it’s a pleasant surprise to not only Transformers fans, but just people wanting a good animated film in general. Bummed that my idiot brain decided to see Joker 2 over this, as it didn’t deserve to bomb at all. Fuck you Paramount, I’m not even a fan of the franchise and I still want a sequel.

Because at the end of the day, that Twitter guy was right all along.

This review may contain spoilers.

The 2024 catchup begins!!

Everything that is not story related is nearly perfect. The set design, performances, directing, sound design, and especially practical effects and cinematography were all amazing. When it comes to an Alien film, I think it’s wonderful and Álvarez did an amazing job. This is the most he’s ever wowed me since his Evil Dead remake in my opinion.

But ho ho ho that fucking writing man! It’s just so bland and uninspired for what it’s wanting to achieve, it tries so hard to do its own thing (which I’m up for), but at points it just HAS to tread back to the corporate nostalgia-bait bullshit Disney has been spitting out lately with their legacy sequels. And it gets to a point where it’s just boring and makes me feel nothing, and come on, when you’re bringing back DEAD people as CGI abominations for main roles, you know you fucked up. I’m just saying.

Álvarez tried though, he really did, and again, everything that isn’t the narrative is phenomenal. It’s the best film he’s made in a while, but it makes me so sad knowing that he still had to deal with the cliche and tiring studio mandated legacy sequel trademarks that make it feel a little underwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good movie, but it could have been a GREAT movie you know? Because he has the sauce.

I wonder if that Alien: Earth TV show FX is doing will have more of what I wanted out of this. We’ll see though.

This review may contain spoilers.

ORLOK. FUCKS.

…anyway! Everybody in my theater hated this. They thought it was too tragic, too horny, and most of all, too dark. And if that doesn’t scream a good horror film, then I don’t know what else will.

Nosferatu is great, and it’s a damn good example of how you remake a movie. Robert Eggers took what make the original work and along with his signature folklore feel to it, brings a remake that is not only fresh and exciting to nobody who’s seen the original, but also rewards the people who know the 1922 film by heart. It looks absolutely stunning with its visuals, has some of the best practical work I’ve seen all year, a haunting and beautiful score, and features some (dare I say) phenomenal and sometimes Oscar worthy performances. Bill Skarsgård alone is a fucking beast here as the villain, and his physical appearance and voice is so haunting yet so memorable at the same time. But everyone else was just as great too. Willem Dafoe obviously is amazing, but I got a kick out of Lily-Rose Depp the most. When shit gets psycho, she can go incredibly nuts with her physical performance, which makes any scene she’s in more hard to watch. It’s amazing.

It’s not perfect though!

Some of my main issues involve the runtime and pacing. 2 hours and 12 minutes doesn’t sound too long, but there are moments around the second act that I thought were SLOW. Thankfully, it wasn’t super egregious and it did pick up more around the third act but yeah, it was a little rough at points. I think if it chopped off 20 minutes or so it could have went a bit smoother, though that’s just me. And also about the whole “it being too dark” sentiment that was plaguing my theater as soon as I left was…pretty valid if you ask me! Have I seen darker shit in my lifetime? Of course. But for a modern horror flick goes, the themes of necrophilia and borderline sexual assault definitely made me uncomfortable and while worked for the films favor for sure, can be a bit of a conflicting taste for some, even myself personally. It’s not really going to be a horror flick I will go back to often unless if I’m really in the mood. Not a fault for the movie itself though, in reality it’s just me. Shit can get pretty dark, be forewarned.

But other than that, yeah this was worth the wait. Do I think this is Eggers’ best movie? No, as The Lighthouse is still on top for me when it comes to his storytelling and visuals. But it’s still pretty great and definitely one of the best horror films I’ve seen all year, and it makes me excited for what Eggers has in store for us next.

This review may contain spoilers.

I completely forgot that Scrat fucking died.

Anyway, the nephews came over, and my mother turned on the Disney Channel just cause why not. So yeah, that’s why I’m here.

And the movie’s okay. The Ice Age films aren’t masterpieces in family entertainment but they’re okay for trying to be just like Shrek but with snow instead of swamps. I like the 1st and 3rd one enough but this one is kinda boring and uninteresting from a story perspective, but hey, I think the performances are fun! The animation looks decent (sometimes, but that water looks fucking amazing)! And that score FUCKS.

It’s fine as a family movie, and you can deal with much much worse stuff out there. The kids will love it, I mean I was a kid once and I watched the shit out of my DVD of this so yeah, though I won’t deny that most of my time was spent going through all the bonus features. I mean, the DVD did come with not only a sneak peek for The Simpsons Movie BUT also a random ass 15 second Ice Age-themed Family Guy cutaway gag so…yeah I’d say it was a win.

Now why am I watching this before I go see the Nosferatu remake?

This review may contain spoilers.

I hate it when immediately after talking to Satan I go to a bonfire and just float up to the trees with a bunch of people and start laughing uncontrollably, kinda gets super fucking annoying after a while if I’ll be honest…

anyway yeah good movie good performances good music good cinematography good theatrical debut good job robert eggers.

would have been a somewhat decent action romp if it wasn’t trying to be like Deadpool and be all edgy and cool, and also if h. jon benjamin had the ability to shut the fuck up

cheese grater scene slapped though

This review may contain spoilers.

only the best movies ever made have their main characters fucking kill jared leto

Looks and sounds amazing, but that script felt pretty underbaked and I wish it could have pushed its ridiculousness and surrealism even more. Because Perkins (visually) has something here!! I can tell!!

but who was flickering the lights?

It’s exactly what you expect, groundbreaking for its time for sure (it’s a century old for fucks sake!) but nowadays I think it’s just an okay silent film if you ignore its historical significance. With that being said though, I am in fact looking forward to Eggers’ remake.

You have 15 minutes to spare, just go in blind and see what is waiting for you. If you’re a fan of Radiohead/Thom Yorke’s work or if you want to see PTA go nuts with his directing, you will be in for a treat.

what do you think

the nostalgia kicked in again.

I randomly found this for $10 while browsing around my local DVD shop today. I never heard of it but since I love Radiohead and this record I bought it anyway. It’s an interesting analysis for sure, but I wish they could have gone deeper with what essentially is a pretty complicated album with its themes. It’s a neat little documentary though, and a pretty cool thing I now own.

I reviewed the actual album over at my AOTY profile which you can check out here if that interests you! And yes, it’s also not a very complicated review either but I tried. And also yeah, I do not have good taste in music.

Thank you!

holy shit

how fucking ableist can these reindeer be?

that magician committed fucking murder, frosticide if you will

the bear is my spirit animal

One of the best kids movies ever made, as it’s so damn charming. I was smiling the whole time back when I was a 7 year old, and I’m still doing that at almost 17. I love this movie then, and I still love it now, and if I ever have kids, this will definitely be on their radar for sure.

It’s good! Is it high art and was worth going to the theater for? I think that’s debatable! But is it a fuckton of fun and has some genuinely great action? As well as David Harbour being in a very great and appropriate role? Yeah! I think so!

I still can’t get over the fact that a family at my screening years ago brought their 5 year old children to this violent as hell movie though! That’s certainly something!

Is it a bit of a mess writing and performance wise? And do I think it could have benefited from being a R rated film instead of a PG-13 one? Yeah, but who really cares honestly. It’s ridiculous but the film knows that, and it’s just an overall fun and entertaining popcorn horror movie to throw on during the holidays.

And they kill Justin Roiland too so that gives me some extra points right there.

…the fuck was 14 year old me thinking when I gave this four stars?

Okay so the fact Adam Sandler starred in this and Punch-Drunk Love at around the same time is fucking bonkers. But with that said, is it as bad as everyone says it is? No, because Adam fucking Sandler (trademark) has made WAY worse since then. Is it still good and a very underrated gem? Ehhhhhhh…

Eight Crazy Nights stands as a weird film to really properly enjoy in my opinion. Yeah, it has some amazing animation and some great songs, but with the terrible asshole we know as Davey being our main character, the annoying and lame PG-13 humor it presents, and the dank meme status it’s gained thanks to the likes of OneyPlays and that one fucking poster (iykyk), it’s hard to really like or critique anything from this film seriously. It’s fucking stupid, and it’s joined the same cult status for me as Freddy Got Fingered and The Room in my eyes, where yeah it’s bad but it’s actually kinda good and might as well accept the madness. I don’t like it as much as those movies, but you know what? Again? I’ve seen way worse. If you’re up for an animated Adam Sandler musical with some good animation and songs, but terrible humor and mean spirited characters, go for it. If not, then what’s the point unless if you’re too invested into the memes.

Don’t even get me started on that egregious product placement though, because goddamn.

Watched in my American Literature class, and despite it having some nice colors and shots, it gets bogged down for being so fucking boring. I do not give a shit about anything that’s going on and Daniel Day-Lewis can’t even save it. Blegh.

It’s slow and undeniably experimental (like most A24 horror films), but even if you’re not in the target demographic it’s made for (I’m definitely not), there’s still plenty of material that will certainly stick with you. The film looks absolutely fantastic with an amazing concept and beautiful music to boot, and the whole 90s Nickelodeon-like TV show approach they have with The Pink Opaque brings a whole bunch of creative concepts that end up working splendidly. Everyone’s performance is great too, and the whole message of the film with how it ties into what it’s like being trans/queer is really thought provoking and will definitely leave a mark on someone. I may not fully understand this film, but if I showed this to any of MY trans friends and had a in depth conversation with one of them, then I could see myself putting the pieces all together. In fact, I kinda wanna do that one day.

Also it’s creepy as shit, though creepy in the sense of how you would view a David Lynch film, surreal and bizarre but beautiful and impactful. This is how you do a PG-13 horror film folks, cause what the everlasting fuck was that ending.

Goddamn. Emphasis on the DAM in damn.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind for people who think adam sandler movies are the jesus of comedy (aka most parents out there)

The way Paul Giamatti says goddamn and fuck are just as warm and smooth as the rest of this film, that’s impressive.

well at least they gave me an awesome old man fight

terrance fletcher would be the music teacher in hell, do i need to say why

I cannot believe this is already 20 years old.

Little known fact about me, but I love SpongeBob SquarePants…for its first three seasons. Yeah, I know it’s not the most original or unpopular opinion out there, but the first three seasons, in my opinion, is some of the best television Nickelodeon has ever produced. I can live without any of the other seasons/movies after Stephen Hillenburg’s departure, though that's not me saying that it’s all terrible, but I agree with everyone and say that it should have ended after this film. Because holy shit, call me nostalgia blind since I haven’t seen this in years, but I feel like this is probably the definition of a perfect “ending” to a cartoon.

Everything that the first three seasons were building up to is on full display here. Everyone’s performance is just as strong as the show (besides a couple of outdated and risky guest stars), and while most movies based on TV shows feel pointless as a film and feel like they could have been just a normal (or even double-length) episode, here the story itself is big enough to where I think it deserves the movie format. And going to the humor, even if every other scene has become a meme and permanently engrained into my mind, it’s still super fucking funny all these years later. It’s just as sharp and surreal as the show, and with Hillenburg and most of the staff being on writing duties, it makes sense for the writing to still be this strong. The animation is also extremely lively and fun, with the colors being a great mix of colorful and cartoony and desaturated and cool. The live-action segments are also creative and interesting, the score is really memorable (it also doesn’t help that this was my introduction to some of my favorite bands, aka the Flaming Lips and Ween so bonus points there), and come on, it’s an entertaining and extremely fun family movie altogether, even if you don’t know anything about the show. Also, David Hasselhoff is there. Perfect. 

And fuck it, I’d personally call this one of my favorite animated movies, due to the amount of love and nostalgia I have for not only the source material but also just how good of a movie (and ADHD/LSD trip) this is. And come on, who doesn’t love SpongeBob? Assholes, that’s who.

Thank you for everything you have done, Stephen, and may you rest in peace. 💛🩷

This is the best film of the year, no contest. In only 57 minutes, this fucker will gut punch you and bring some of the best visuals of any modern anime film. The story is beautiful, the score is breathtaking, and that MOTHERFUCKING reveal (iykyk) just took my heart and obliterated it to shreds. I normally don’t get emotional to anime, but fuck…man this was a rough one to not get teary eyed to.

It’s on Amazon Prime, and it’s from the same guy who made Chainsaw Man, so if you’re interested, go check it out. You will not regret it.

not gay enough

I found out that we’re watching a movie in my American Literature class, it was from 1941. I became kind of skeptical, then I saw the Criterion Collection logo, I had a little bit of hope.

And you know what? It’s…okay! It’s boring yeah and slow yeah but I’ve definitely seen much worse stuff in class, and come on, a Criterion movie being shown in high school? You don’t see that every day.

OH and I guess I now know that one Simpsons reference!

This review may contain spoilers.

imagine getting dumped for being an asshole, and then when you get home you accidentally create the biggest platform ever for 40 year old mothers.

Reboots, sequels, and some cool original stuff, also AI! FUCK AI!

1. Look Back

   YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

2. Dune: Part Two

   god he’s literally me

3. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

   the road only has room for furiosa

4. Hundreds of Beavers

   i counted. the title isn’t lying.

5. I Saw the TV Glow

   what the fuck was that tv chest scene

6. Longlegs

   nicolas cage is a fucking freak here and i love it
   
   “hail satan”

7. Nosferatu

   i vwant to fwuck your viener!

8. Transformers One
9. Kinds of Kindness

   go emma! go emma! go emma!

10. MaXXXine

    god I wish she can do that to my balls

...plus 19 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• What We Do in the Shadows
• The Skeleton Key
• Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy
• Mulholland Drive
• A Real Pain

Jesus Christ, my wallet!

• 12 Angry Men
• All That Jazz
• Anatomy of a Fall

  
  

• Before Sunrise
• Before Sunset
• Before Midnight
• Blue Velvet

  
  

• The Breakfast Club
• Chasing Amy
• Come and See

...plus 26 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

it could’ve been worse (update: it got worse)

• 3 from Hell
• 9
• 28 Days Later
• (500) Days of Summer
• 2001: A Space Odyssey
• Akira
• American Psycho
• An American Werewolf in London
• Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
• Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

...plus 191 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

my fucking wallet

1. Pi
2. Twelve Monkeys
3. 21 Jump Street
4. 22 Jump Street
5. 300
6. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
7. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
8. Adaptation.
9. The Adventures of Milo and Otis
10. After Hours

...plus 389 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I was a kid at once, so most of these are kids movies. I swear I’m nearly an adult and I watch real films, it’s just that back then (even today) my local theater barely played anything that doesn’t have the word “Disney” or “superhero” attached.

Everything post 2020 I still have the tickets to.

• Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted
• Ice Age: Continental Drift
• Hotel Transylvania
• Wreck-It Ralph
• Turbo
• Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2
• Paddington
• The Lego Movie
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• The Boxtrolls

...plus 67 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I still need a new hobby.

1. Oldboy
2. Taxi Driver
3. Her
4. Poor Things
5. Anomalisa
6. The Godfather
7. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
8. The Silence of the Lambs
9. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
10. Requiem for a Dream

...plus 133 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

sorry dad

1. Cowboy Bebop

   AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2. FLCL

   a drug trip stretched to 2 and a 1/2 hours.

3. Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

   YES

4. Neon Genesis Evangelion: The End of Evangelion

   Have you ever had a mind rape? This is the film equivalent to that

5. Look Back

   WHYYYYYYYYYY

6. Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt

   how the f**k is this better than Akira

7. Akira

   what the f**k is happening

8. Cowboy Bebop: The Movie

   ask dna hits harder than my own father

9. Neon Genesis Evangelion

   this went from pervert jokes to existential terror in a heartbeat

10. Ghost in the Shell

    I counted like 30 anime titties in this film

...plus 2 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I love horror films, I love October. I might as well do a marathon during this month to get in the real mood for Halloween. Let’s see how far I can go.

EDIT: 32 films, 3 short films, and a music video. We were on a goddamn roll this month.

• Bad Moon
• The Fly
• An American Werewolf in London
• They Live
• As Above, So Below
• Get Out
• Hocus Pocus
• Final Destination
• Cujo
• MaXXXine

...plus 26 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Ranked from best to worst.

1. 12 Angry Men
2. Napoleon Dynamite
3. The Truman Show
4. The Dark Knight
5. Back to the Future
6. Ghostbusters
7. Ratatouille
8. The Wizard of Oz
9. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
10. WALL·E

...plus 46 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I have seen movies this year! That’s cool!

1. Poor Things

   Bella’s old husband gets his brain swapped with a goat and just does nothing but go on all fours and eat grass.

   10/10

2. Oppenheimer

   I guess you can say it was…THE BOMB

3. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

   OH MY GOD.

4. John Wick: Chapter 4

   John Wick can cum on this fat di-

5. Godzilla Minus One

   HOLY SHIT

6. Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

   This doesn’t count but I don’t fucking care, peak.

7. Scavengers Reign

   I feel so bad for missing out on this because HOLY FUCK

8. The Holdovers

   The whole chase scene fucking killed me.

9. BlackBerry

   They should of just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system!

10. Asteroid City

    teehee scarlet johansson showed her boobies teehee

...plus 37 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

2022 was a year, wasn’t it?

1. Everything Everywhere All at Once

   A24 just can’t stop making hit after hit after HIT

   and somehow they made the best film of the year like it’s a normal thursday afternoon like WHAT

2. Nope

   vagina suck

3. The Banshees of Inisherin

   THAT FECKIN DÖNKÆ

4. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

   you didn’t have to be this good pussy cat

5. Weird: The Al Yankovic Story

   thank you

6. Bo Burnham: The Inside Outtakes

   wake up every morning at a quarter to 10 like am i dying is this real oh right it’s this again

7. Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

   a fucking animated movie about a little shell is better than the batman

8. The Batman

   SOMETHING’S IN MY ASS

   MMMMMMMMMMMM

9. RRR

   bromance!!!!!

10. The Whale

    haha he’s fat and gay

...plus 35 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Horror usually does nothing for me, and when I mean by that I usually am talking about their main appeal, that being obviously their scares. I love the genre, but outside of maybe a jumpscare here or there they don’t frighten me in the slightest.

THESE FILMS THOUGH, holy shit somehow actually make me feel uneasy and uncomfortable to the point where I’d call them scary. Whether it being due to some past trauma watching some scenes or giving me immense anxiety, these are the ones that really get to me.

Ranked from most terrifying to least.

• Requiem for a Dream

  Okay, this one doesn’t really count as a “horror” film. But GODDAMN IT is it horrifying and easily has the most anxiety-inducing scenes ever in film, those last 40 minutes especially. It’s miserable. And the fact that Aronofsky can make a fucking refrigerator scary is mind-blowing.

• Black Swan

  Like Requiem for a Dream, there were MANY holy shit moments that really got to me. The transformation scene near the end of the film was insane and the whole ending gave me chills. Jesus Christ.

• Inland Empire

  David Lynch’s films never scare me, they weird me out and the contexts are creepy and dark, but they never actually make me feel frightened. Inland Empire is the opposite.
  
  For being a three hour movie, it pulls you in with a beginning hour that’s right at home with other Lynch films with the weird acting and world. However, as soon as it passes the 70 minute mark, we get 2 straight hours of visual and narrative hell. It’s his most surreal film, and it’s also a nightmare.
  
  There are two jumpscares here that I saw out of context before I sat down and watched the film, with the Phantom scare near the end being so fucking funny without said context. With it though, even when I was expecting it, I actually got fucking startled and screamed a bit. It may look cheap and goofy, but with the knowledge of what happened prior, it’s horrifying.
  
  What’s worse was that I watched this before bed, oops!

• Nope

  UFO’s and aliens don’t scare me. But in NOPE, the UFO (or Jean Jacket) looks so fucking real (especially in the night sequences) I got anxious as hell. It’s worse when you’re watching this on a massive screen, IMAX was meant for this.
  
  OH and the Gordy scene? Complete and utter nightmare fuel, damn.

• An American Werewolf in London

  This one doesn’t scare me as much anymore. But when I saw that transformation scene when I was 8 on YouTube unsupervised, I thought it was real and thus traumatized me and soon enough got nightmares for weeks. It wasn’t until I was 12 where I actually watched the film and found out it was partially a comedy. Even now, I still feel anxiety for the first hour until David eventually transforms. The buildup here is wonderful, and the transformation scene in itself is amazing. Rick Baker is the king.

• Evil Dead

  The gore is what sells this. It looks so real and it enhances the terror that these dumbass characters are going through.

• Skinamarink

  Yeah, this is very boring and not everyone will get into it. But Skinamarink shines for me with how relatable it could be in terms of being a kid in the dark late at night taking a potty trip. You don’t know what’s hiding or if anything is in the shadows, and it makes it all the more uneasy.

• The Descent

  This one technically doesn’t count, and I’ll explain.
  
  The first half of this film is horrifying. Just being lost in a claustrophobic area and getting stuck really gets me, and it’s perfectly portrayed here. The second half though is not scary. It’s just an action film at this rate with some jumpscares. It’s a 50/50 for me, but damn it that first half is deserving of being here.

• Talk to Me

  The violence is dark and miserable, and is used incredibly sparingly. Like with the Evil Dead reboot, it all looks real and it makes you incredibly miserable by the end.

• Stopmotion

  The concept itself is horrifying, with the gore not helping out much. How this was given an R rating I don’t know but, Jesus man it can be brutal.

Most of these films are terrible, but I can’t deny how fucking funny they are.

1. Saw X

   The fact that this is as good as it is makes me feel better.

2. Saw

   Definitely the most psychological of the bunch but still a great time minus the terrible acting.

3. Saw II

   He did tell him that he was in a SAFE place.

4. Saw V

   I had fun here! That’s actually good for once!

5. Saw VI

   Rodrick fucking dies.

6. Saw IV

   WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE TRANSITIONS

7. Jigsaw

   It’s a pig mask on the poster but it looks like a bear.

8. Saw 3D

   The 3D is just a gimmick and a bad one at that!

9. Saw III

   Why did this have to be almost 2 hours long. Jesus Christ.

10. Spiral: From the Book of Saw

    Unwatchable. Fuck you.

ugh

• Men in Black: International

  Uninspired and boring, and fails as both a reboot and a movie as a whole.

• Unfrosted

  Fuck you Jerry.

• Free Guy

  Unashamedly unfunny and boring, not to mention it was an absolute dumpster fire to sit through and extremely cringe.

• Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

  I said no easy targets, but I’m giving this an exception.

  It is truly AWFUL.

• We Met in Virtual Reality

  It’s fucking embarrassing.

• Leprechaun: Origins

  Less of a WWE movie as is being less of a Leprechaun movie.

• Slender Man

  You can barely even see this film, and I think that’s for the better.

• Spiral: From the Book of Saw
• Strange Magic

  Truly warranted as the worst animated film ever made (that I have seen anyway).

• Unfriended

  Poorly acted, poorly directed, just a poorly made film to begin with, however if you do have any buddies, watch this drunk.

  It’ll be worth it.

...plus 2 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Movies that really had an impact on me.

First 15 are in order while the rest is all over the place.

• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

  This is a very special movie for me. The love and heartbreak you sympathize with as well as the beauty of having the ability to remember it all bring a cathartic experience, added to the phenomenal performances, score, casting, visual effects, and script. And you get what I think is the best movie ever made.

• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

  This is my comfort film. I have fun every time I put it on and has an excellent style from Edgar Wright that I can vibe with. At the end of the day though, I'm just happy this exists.

• It's Such a Beautiful Day

  It's an existential nightmare added with a thought-provoking and comedic beauty that achieves so much in only 62 minutes. It's my favorite animated movie for a reason. Don Hertzfeldt is a genius storyteller.

• Fight Club

  It's a brutal film but is so visually interesting and smartly written it deserves all the praise.

• Oldboy

  One of my first-ever Korean films, and despite popular belief, it's barely an action film. It's more of a thriller with light action sprinkled throughout its 2-hour runtime. Despite that though, it's a monster that you can't get your eyes off of and is just so so good. It's better than that shitty Spike Lee remake.

• Punch-Drunk Love

  Adam Sandler had it in him and he brought his A-game here. Truly romantic, brilliantly directed, and super colorful, this is up there with Eternal Sunshine as one of the best romance films ever made.

• 12 Angry Men

  90+ minutes of white men yelling. That's all, and it's so brilliant.

• Napoleon Dynamite

  My favorite comedy of all time. It gets funnier the more I get older and the more I rewatch it. I never get tired of it.

• The Lighthouse

  Surreal and abstract while also being very comedic at the same time, a perfect mix. Not to mention that the leads are phenomenal.

• Whiplash

  You're either born a Whiplash dude or a Black Swan lady, I'm sorry I can't make up the rules.

...plus 40 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I have too many of these.

• Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
• Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
• The Adventures of Milo and Otis
• An Affair to Remember
• Aladdin
• Aladdin and the King of Thieves
• All Dogs Go to Heaven
• American Pop
• An American Tail
• An American Tail: Fievel Goes West

...plus 175 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Not as big as mine and full of mediocrity but for a group of adults in their 40s who I’m proud to call my parents, I think it’s okay for what it’s worth.

• 3 from Hell
• 16 Blocks
• Acid Bath: Double Live Bootleg!
• American Graffiti
• The Amityville Horror
• The Amityville Horror
• Baby Mama
• The Bay
• The Beach
• Ben Is Back

...plus 160 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I need a new hobby.

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2. It's Such a Beautiful Day
3. Fight Club
4. Punch-Drunk Love
5. 12 Angry Men
6. Whiplash
7. American Psycho
8. Stop Making Sense
9. Synecdoche, New York
10. The Social Network

...plus 171 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

www.bitterfilms.com/
m.youtube.com/@don-hertzfeldt

Don Hertzfeldt. 

Just some dude who makes cartoons which I think are some of the best I’ve ever seen.

1. It's Such a Beautiful Day

   Not compiling the other shorts since they’re all in this film.

2. World of Tomorrow Episode Three: The Absent Destinations of David Prime
3. World of Tomorrow Episode Two: The Burden of Other People's Thoughts
4. World of Tomorrow
5. The Meaning of Life
6. The Animation Show / Intermission in the Third Dimension / The End of the Show
7. Rejected
8. On Memory
9. Billy's Balloon
10. Wisdom Teeth

...plus 3 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

The new ones out, so I might as well rank all of them.

• Evil Dead II
• Evil Dead
• Army of Darkness
• Evil Dead Rise
• The Evil Dead