Week fifteen (and then some)
Oct. 10th, 2018 03:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
karlhtLast week was the first week I dropped below 8k steps/day on average. I also had serious resistance to making a summary post, since I had convinced myself no one was reading them anyway. This, for those who are not already having light bulbs go off over their heads, is a sign that I'm depressed. I am reluctant to engage, pulling back from friends, and not scheduling things like lab work and follow-up psych appointments. Even as I write this, I am not entirely certain that I am going to post it.
Lisa is out of the house this week; I dropped her off at the airport early this morning. Ordinarily this would mean more time with friends for me, but the people I usually spend time with are busy doing other things. And to tell the truth, I am not really feeling terribly social. Making new friends seems like it would be the thing to do, but just the idea of it is exhausting.
The world is on fire, of course, in a very nearly literal sense. Between the not-so-slow spiral into post-democracy of US politics, the rise of the right everywhere I look, and the news about the future of the planet, it's hard to find reasons to be hopeful. Some of my friends and colleagues are having babies and raising children, and I am grateful for them, because I don't have the heart, and this is something I've known about myself since before I had internalized that I was depressed. But I worry about the world those kids are going to inherit.
What do you do when depression and withdrawal seem to be perfectly rational responses to a country that hates more than half its population and a world where the greed-heads have by far the majority of the power?
So yes, this is the "I lift my head up and the world comes crashing in" that I was worried about early in my recovery. And it's every bit as overwhelming as I feared it would be. So, if you see me this week, ask first, but a hug or holding my hand or just quietly sitting with me would be most welcome.
Those of you in NC and Florida, I'm thinking good thoughts your way. Watch out for each other, please.
Lisa is out of the house this week; I dropped her off at the airport early this morning. Ordinarily this would mean more time with friends for me, but the people I usually spend time with are busy doing other things. And to tell the truth, I am not really feeling terribly social. Making new friends seems like it would be the thing to do, but just the idea of it is exhausting.
The world is on fire, of course, in a very nearly literal sense. Between the not-so-slow spiral into post-democracy of US politics, the rise of the right everywhere I look, and the news about the future of the planet, it's hard to find reasons to be hopeful. Some of my friends and colleagues are having babies and raising children, and I am grateful for them, because I don't have the heart, and this is something I've known about myself since before I had internalized that I was depressed. But I worry about the world those kids are going to inherit.
What do you do when depression and withdrawal seem to be perfectly rational responses to a country that hates more than half its population and a world where the greed-heads have by far the majority of the power?
So yes, this is the "I lift my head up and the world comes crashing in" that I was worried about early in my recovery. And it's every bit as overwhelming as I feared it would be. So, if you see me this week, ask first, but a hug or holding my hand or just quietly sitting with me would be most welcome.
Those of you in NC and Florida, I'm thinking good thoughts your way. Watch out for each other, please.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-10-11 12:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2018-10-11 12:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2018-10-11 01:04 am (UTC)I'm okay, aside from the recent scary drug reaction. I'm re-evaluating switching meds. I mean, I *know* the side effects for this one, I know the signs to look for. But PCP and H want to *avoid* a repeat performance. So yeah, switch to a new med with *all new, unpredictable exciting side effects,* yay! Y/N? I have to say, I hesitate.
Other than that, and the ongoing unavoidable miasma of current life on earth, we're fine!