Week six (whew)
Aug. 5th, 2018 08:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
karlhtSteady as she goes. 10k steps/day, good weather, lots of fog, and my shoes are holding up. I've discovered a few new features on my phone's built-in exercise/step-counting app, so there's been a little tech to play with. Blood sugar staying within acceptable ranges.
I had the chance to talk with some of my support crew this week, which lessened some of the emotional pressure; I'll be fine going back to the behavioural psych on the 21st. I have a follow-up with my cardiac rehab nurse on Thursday; I'll confirm with her that the Plavix is supposed to be once a day rather than twice.
Mood this week has been pretty good. The world is still a hard place to be, and seeing homeless people in pain every time I go to SF (or Oakland or anywhere outside of my little end-of-the-BART-line bubble) has never, ever been easy -- and if it ever becomes easy, that will not, in fact, be a good sign. There is no way to dull those nerves without making me appreciably less the human being I want to be -- someone who empathizes more easily than this hegemonic society wants me to. I may not be able to alleviate all the pain I see, but I can bear witness, and I can let that witness inform my actions. I can resist the cruelty that seems to be everywhere; I can say my quiet "no." And I can refuse to close my heart.
I have cancelled or postponed a bunch of travel this year; I was, at one point, planning to spend the month of October in London. My last chance before Brexit has its way with the UK. But I'm just not up to it -- being away from home is exhausting for me now, and although I feel adequately physically strong, my mental fortitude isn't there yet, and it's important for me to acknowledge that.
Maybe next year; even if Brexit changes the economic landscape drastically, I expect that I will still have colleagues in the UK, and that there will still be meaningful collaboration to be done. And I want to ride the trains to Scotland, dammit. And a bunch of my found family wants to see Ireland. I'm following in my paternal grandmother's footsteps: starting my world-travelling days late in life.
It's good to still have adventures to plan. May your plans go well enough to not cause anxiety, but bring you enough delightful surprises that you will not be bored.
I had the chance to talk with some of my support crew this week, which lessened some of the emotional pressure; I'll be fine going back to the behavioural psych on the 21st. I have a follow-up with my cardiac rehab nurse on Thursday; I'll confirm with her that the Plavix is supposed to be once a day rather than twice.
Mood this week has been pretty good. The world is still a hard place to be, and seeing homeless people in pain every time I go to SF (or Oakland or anywhere outside of my little end-of-the-BART-line bubble) has never, ever been easy -- and if it ever becomes easy, that will not, in fact, be a good sign. There is no way to dull those nerves without making me appreciably less the human being I want to be -- someone who empathizes more easily than this hegemonic society wants me to. I may not be able to alleviate all the pain I see, but I can bear witness, and I can let that witness inform my actions. I can resist the cruelty that seems to be everywhere; I can say my quiet "no." And I can refuse to close my heart.
I have cancelled or postponed a bunch of travel this year; I was, at one point, planning to spend the month of October in London. My last chance before Brexit has its way with the UK. But I'm just not up to it -- being away from home is exhausting for me now, and although I feel adequately physically strong, my mental fortitude isn't there yet, and it's important for me to acknowledge that.
Maybe next year; even if Brexit changes the economic landscape drastically, I expect that I will still have colleagues in the UK, and that there will still be meaningful collaboration to be done. And I want to ride the trains to Scotland, dammit. And a bunch of my found family wants to see Ireland. I'm following in my paternal grandmother's footsteps: starting my world-travelling days late in life.
It's good to still have adventures to plan. May your plans go well enough to not cause anxiety, but bring you enough delightful surprises that you will not be bored.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-08-06 07:27 am (UTC)Plan your adventures with joy and anticipation. What's life, if not to be lived, no matter how ugly the underside is, or how close the underside is coming to be the top side.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-08-09 05:29 am (UTC)I will keep planning, and hoping, and anticipating, because it is in my nature to do these things. My mother used to say: Scratch a cynic and you'll find a screaming romantic. And these days, cynicism just hurts worse. And shared joy is so precious these days, we should give it to each other whenever there's a chance.
Thanks again for reading, and for commenting. It's nice to know I'm not just shouting down the well.