Megalopolis is the 570th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2024 epic science fiction drama film Megalopolis. It was published on November 19, 2024. It is 7 minutes and 5 seconds long. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
Script[]
From the first visionary (Francis Ford Coppola) to realize alcohol paid better than movies (a North Bay Business Journal article with the title "Francis Ford Coppola selling Sonoma County wineries to Napa's Delicato Family Wines" pops up), but not the last (shows images of George Clooney, Nick Offerman, Dwayne Johnson, Cameron Diaz, Ryan Reynolds, Kate Hudson, Eva Longoria, Matthew McConaughey, Dan Aykroyd, Cheech Marin, Drew Barrymore, Jamie Foxx, Channing Tatum, Brad Pitt, Walton Goggins, Justin Timberlake, Aaron Paul, and Bryan Cranston hawking their personal alcohol brands), comes the film Francis Ford Coppola poured 30 years and his personal fortune into making. ...Worth it?
Cesar: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Megalopolis
When you're an 85-year-old icon self-financing your final film, no one says no, even when they should (a Variety article with the title "Video of Francis Ford Coppola Kissing 'Megalopolis' Extras Surfaces as Crew Members Detail Unprofessional Behavior on Set (EXCLUSIVE)" pops up), 'cause who would say yes to a pretentious fable about the fall of Rome...
Crassus: It will be the will of Cronus... to seek our revenge.
...shot with the same look as Spy Kids...
Juni Cortez (Spy Kids): (as his sister holds him while flying with a jetpack at high speed through a greenscreen city) Don't drop me!
Carmen Cortez: Hang on, Butterfingers!
(shows Cesar riding an elevator while looking out at a greenscreen city)
...filled with dialogue that can only be described as "Tommy Wiseau with a master's degree"?
Cesar: And you think one year of medical school entitles you to plow through the riches of my Emersonian mind?
Julia: I'd like to see Dr. Catilina.
Secretary: About what?
Julia: The future of the world.
Secretary: Oh... that.
Cesar: I didn't murder my wife...
Johnny (The Room): I did not hit her! I did not. Oh hi--
Julia: Marcus Aurelius.
Adam Driver loves two things: starring in films that seem made-up...
Henry McHenry (Annette): (narrating while holding a baby puppet) This is my baby.
...and dramatic cape work. (shows Kylo Ren taking off his cape in Star Wars: The Last Jedi) Now, he gets to do both as Cesar Catilina.
Cesar: (after taking off a black cape) "To be... or not to be..."
He's a brilliant inventor on the cutting edge of body movements (montage of Cesar flailing around), and also the Maestro of Megalon, a substance that does whatever a wine-drunk Coppola says it can.
Vesta: (showing off a Megalon-laced dress) I'm invisible! (laughs)
Dr. Lyra: (holding onto a dog with a Megalon-coated cast on its leg) First Megalon splint...
Julia: --enabling Cesar to grow his face...
(shows Cesar wearing Megalon-coated bandages over his eye injury)
Cesar's got a plan, to build a utopia out of his magic floating chunks, that boils down to a bunch of moving sidewalks leading nowhere (montage of moving walkways in the film); good metaphor for the film you're watching.
Cesar: Wasn't it human friendliness that stimulated our brains by "learning", and enabled us to out-compete all other species on Earth?
Teresa: Oh, dear. Blah, blah, blah.
Standing in the way of one a-hole's quest to build the next EPCOT Center is Mayor Cicero; he's the least popular politician since... Heh... Phew! When are you watching this...? Watch him stand in the way of tearing down people's homes to make way for an enchanted goo pavilion...
Woman: Catilina leveled their f*cking neighborhood for his stupid Megalopolis.
...so let's boo him! Boo that man! (montage of Cicero getting booed at) Boo! We want goo! Boo! And then, there's Clodio Pulcher, a man so obnoxious, they just invited Shia LaBeouf to set and let him do his thing for a few hours.
Pulcher: (through a megaphone) You shut the f*ck up!
Together, they'll lead a confused all-star ensemble, that seems unsure of what movie they're in at any point, as it swings from social commentary...
Woman: That makes a political leader. A little crazy, no boundaries, and he's an entertainer.
...to hardcore porn...
Wow: You're anal as hell. I, on the other hand, am oral as hell.
...to political philosophy...
Cesar: Is this society, is this way we're living... the only one that's available to us?
...then right back to the worst porn you've ever seen.
Crassus: What do you think of this boner I got?
I'd rather not think about it, to be honest.
Crassus: (takes off his blanket to reveal a bow and arrow) --you Wall Street sl*t, this is your closing bell. (shoots Wow in the chest with an arrow)
...And now you've made it even weirder; great.
What do you get when you've got a tortured genius pushing people away? A string of hot babes throwing themselves at him, of course!
Julia: Reporting for duty.
Roll your eyes at Julia's AO3-worthy enemies-to-lovers plot.
Julia: You really must have been a rude and spoiled child.
Cesar: As you are now?
Cesar: Let's get married. (kisses Julia)
Aubrey Plaza is Wow Platinum, who's really pushing the limits of our lifelong crushes on her.
Wow: You're on my territory now, and you're going to play by my rules!
And of course, a dead wife who haunts the dreams of this lonely hero. Wait a second... Dead wife? Plays with time? Might be in a dream? Says that love can cross space and time?
Dr. Amelia Brand (Interstellar): Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space.
Cesar: It's within us, it's around us, and it's stretched throughout time.
You've gone full Nolan, bro. Don't deny it, Francis! Go ahead, spin a little top; see what happens.
Teresa: (after Cicero wakes from a nightmare) Dream?
So buckle up, and take, like, six pulls off the weed pen to get even close to this movie's level (shows a hand extending from a cloud and literally grabbing the Moon), because in a world where today's cinema feels stagnant, and studios are afraid to take risks, the guy who made The Conversation, Apocalypse Now, Jack (?), and The Godfather is going out with a bomb-- I-I mean, bang. (a The Lantern article with the title "Movie Review: 'Megalopolis' is a Megaflopolis" pops up)
Cesar: Wait. (stops time as a building collapses)
But hey, I'd rather watch a big swing-and-miss than a safe bet you won't remember. (shows the poster for Red One) Disagree? Well, you know where you could always go back to.
Cesar: So go back to the club...
Starring: Snob the Builder (Adam Driver as Cesar Catilina); Better Stall Sprawl (Giancarlo Esposito as Franklyn Cicero); Rome He Own & Julia (Nathalie Emmanuel as Julia Cicero); Plaza Hoe Tell (Aubrey Plaza as Wow Platinum); No Mutt Stuff (Shia LaBeouf as Clodio Pulcher); Arrow'd! (Jon Voight as Hamilton Crassus III); Driving Mr. Driver (Laurence Fishburne as Fundi Romaine); Reign Man (Dustin Hoffman as Nush Berman); The Darjeeling Limited Screen Time (Jason Schwartzman as Jason Zanderz); Pre-Madonna (Grace VanderWaal as Vesta Sweetwater); Little Caesars (Haley Sims as Sunny Hope Catilina); and Wait, Is This F**king Play About Us?
Narrator: Or will we too fall victim, like old Rome, to the insatiable appetite for power of a few men?
Atlas Strugged
The honest title for Megalopolis was ‘Atlas Strugged’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
(laughing) Oh, my gosh! Did you see Brian's hat?! He looks so f*cking stupid! I can't breathe...!
Pulcher: (after slamming his hat onto the ground) Pick up my hat.
Huey: (throwing his hat on the ground in response) Pick up my hat!
Assistant: (throwing his hat on the ground in response) Pick up my hat!
Brian (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson): What the hell?
Viewer's Comments[]
In memory of Tony Todd, please say: Come with me, and be immortal - Tom_TheDutchguy
Please say with Epic Voice: "I am Soundwave and I know every thought inside your head". - TheMerchan
In honor of the passing of the AOL voice guy, please say: Welcome! You've got mail! - s_nunyabiznez
Please say "i'm not wearing any pants." In Winnie the Poohs voice. - justsomerandomdudeonyoutub6765
Trivia[]
- The first comment in the viewer's comments pays tribute to Tony Todd, an actor best known for his roles as the title character in the 1992 horror film Candyman and as Venom in Marvel's Spider-Man 2, who passed away on November 8, 2024, at the age of 69.
- The third comment in the viewer's comments pays tribute to Elwood Edwards, a voice actor best known for providing voice lines for the Internet service provider America Online (AOL), such as "Welcome" and "You've got mail", who passed away on November 5, 2024, at the age of 74 due to complications from a stroke.
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Manager: Emin Bassavand
Manager, Content Operations: Tiffany Tse
Post-Production Specialist: Rebecca Castaneda
VP Content: Max Dionne