Cars & Cars 2 is the 202nd episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell and Andy Signore. It parodies the 2006 computer-animated film Cars and its 2011 sequel Cars 2. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It was published on June 6, 2017, to coincide with the theatrical release of Cars 3. It is 5 minutes 25 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2.8 million times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Cars & Cars 2 on YouTube
"Just don't ask where all the humans are, because we're either extinct, murdered by our cars, or we merged with them to become some sort of unholy man-car hybrid." ~ Honest Trailers - Cars & Cars 2
Script[]
Cars[]
From the studio who brought you Ratatouille, WALL-E, and Up (Pixar) comes the movie that paid for all of them: Toys (shows clips of children playing with Cars toys)...I mean, Cars.
Cruise into Radiator Springs, a town full of fun, friends, and adventure. Just don't ask where all the humans are because we're either extinct, murdered by our cars, or we merged with them to become some kind of unholy man-car hybrid. Hmmm, probably shouldn't think too hard about that. Moving on!
Pixar built an empire out of beautiful, emotionally real, tightly plotted masterpieces; and Cars is almost all of those things, as this above-average kid's movie never reaches Pixar's highest highs, but it's better than people give it credit for. I mean, y'know, it's not flawless; Lightning is kind of a jerk.
Sally Carrera (after Lightning McQueen messily repairs a road): It looks awful!
Lightning McQueen: Well, it matches the rest of the town.
The catch-phrases are kind of annoying.
Lightning McQueen: Kachow!
Chick Hicks: Kachigga! Kachigga!
Huh, I guess we really don't have that much to say about the first Cars movie. Can we just do Cars 2 instead? (the trailer rewinds to the beginning, where user requests for a Cars 2 Honest Trailer appear) That's better.
Cars 2[]
From the studio who brought you Ratatouille, WALL-E, and Up (Pixar) comes a tedious cash grab dumpster fire that's Pixar's worst movie by a long shot: Cars 2.
You like Cars well enough; but since your kids loved it, Pixar's going full Minions and making a sequel about the side character they can relate to (Mater), because kids are dumb (shows Mater with a moronic look on his face). This is your fault, parents. Why didn't you just buy them more Ratatouille merchandise? (shows a toy Emile in a can-shaped container) Ohhh.
You remember Lightning, Sally, and the rest of the gang at Radiator Springs. Well, forget about them, 'cause it's Mater's time to shine. Spend way too long with this annoying Southern truck played by non-Southern comedian Daniel Whitney, who pretends to be a dumb hick named Larry the Cable Guy, who pretends to be this bucktoothed truck version of Larry the Cable Guy (Mater: Git 'r done!). It's like a turducken of fake idiots pretending to be even bigger, faker idiots.
After Lightning's simple story of learning to slow down and appreciate life, get ready for a confusing plot about a car who creates an alternative fuel just to make alternative fuel look bad. But no amount of logic will stop Mater from visiting as many playsets and accessories as possible (shows a commercial for a Chase and Change Frank playset), no matter how many forced misunderstandings it takes to get there.
Mater: You know I'm just a tow truck, right?
Finn McMissile: Right, and I'm just in the import-export business.
He just told you he's not a spy.
Mater: My line of work is towin' and salvage.
Finn McMissile (winking at Mater): Right, and Miss Shiftwell's is designing iPhone apps.
Really? Again?
Mater: Agent? You mean like, insurance ag- like (singing), 'Like a good neighbor, Mater is there!'.
See? He's not a spy.
Mater: I'm not a spy! I've been tryin' to tell you that the whole time.
Why is no one listening to him?!
So buckle up for a movie responsible for some of Pixar's firsts, like their first sequel to stretch a thin comic relief character into a whole movie (Mater from Cars 2 and Dory from Finding Dory), first time they weren't nominated for a Best Animated Feature Oscar, and the first time they went full-blown rotten on Rotten Tomatoes (shows a 39% critic rating for Cars 2 on Rotten Tomatoes), or as this moron would say...
Mater: Rotten Tow Maters!
I mean, do they even have tomatoes in Cars world? I guess they must eat food 'cause they have those giant tongues, but it seems like all they do is just drink gas. Unless gas is their blood, except Mater mistakes wasabi for ice cream, which means they have ice cream. But the cows in this universe are tractors, so do they, like, milk the tractors? Does your car model determine your species? Your class? Your ethnicity? And do cop cars have to be cops, or can a race car be a janitor if he wants to? And how are cars born? This car has a mom.
Francesco: My mama is right here. Mama!
What's the difference between boy and girl cars? Do cars have sex? How? Are headlights boobs? And how do cars die? If they keep replacing their parts, are they, like, immortal? There's a car Pope, so is there Car-tholicism? What kind of car was Jesus? Sarge is a veteran, which means there were car wars. Was he in Car-nam? What kind of car was Hitler? Is the engine the brain or the heart? What's the difference between a doctor and a mechanic? If they open their door, do all their guts fall out? Why do cars even have door handles in a world with no humans driving them?! Except this car (Celine Dephare) has eyes in her headlights, and a steering wheel and seats. Oh, geez, they did kill us all! They just evolved and covered it all up! Damn you, dirty brakes! Damn you all to hell!
Oh, wow, I got really sidetracked there. Where was I again? Oh, yeah.
Starring Cars!
Honest title for Car & Cars 2 - Money. Title design by Robert Holtby.
Money
Darrell Cartrip (during the final lap of a race): A hundred and ninety-nine laps, and baby, it all comes down to this!
Man, NASCAR is really boring.
Trivia[]
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for several other computer animated movies including Toy Story, Inside Out, Finding Nemo, Finding Dory, The Incredibles, The Incredibles 2, Shrek, Frozen, Moana, Wreck-It Ralph, Big Hero 6, Zootopia,The Secret Life of Pets, Despicable Me 1 & 2, Minions, The Emoji Movie and The Boss Baby. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Reception[]
Honest Trailers - Cars & Cars 2 has a 98.0% approval rating from YouTube viewers. The Drive wrote that Screen Junkies "turns its rapier wit" on Cars, and particularly appreciated the Honest Trailer for delving into the deep questions posed by the movie's world. Art of Gears wrote that Screen Junkies "drive a knife through the first two instalments" but said they were "fair" to Cars. Art of Gears also appreciated the Honest Trailer for highlighting Cars 2's poor plot, and excessive merchandising tie-ins. In addition, the website particularly praised the video's exploration of existential issues of the Cars universe. Geeks of Doom wrote "I laughed my ass off" at the trailer's line "it’s like a turducken of fake idiots pretending to be bigger, faker idiots," and declared the existential questions posed by the video were "phenomenal."
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Cars & Car 2
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner
Executive Producer - Andy Signore
Producers - Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Michael Bolton, Christina Kline
Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell & Andy Signore
Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker
External links[]
- The Cars and Cars 2 'Honest Trailer' Drops Ahead of the Cars 3 Release - The Drive article
- Honest Trailers: Cars and Cars 2 Get Burned By Screen Junkies - Art of Gears article
- Screen Junkies gives the Honest Trailer treatment to Cars and Cars 2 - Flickering Myth article
- 'Cars 2' Honest Trailer Burns 'Pixar's Worst Movie by a Long Shot' - MovieFone article
- Check Out The Honest Trailer For ‘Cars’ / ‘Cars 2’ - Geeks of Doom article