The Penguin is the 571st episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the crime drama streaming television miniseries The Penguin. It was published on November 26, 2024. It is 6 minutes and 53 seconds long. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
Script[]
The following trailer is rated S for Spoilers.
Now that the DCU is under the Gunn (a The Movie Blog article with the title "DCU's Bright Future: What's in Store with James Gunn at the Helm" pops up), Matt Reeves is getting the keys to Gotham, and for his next act, he's forcing Colin Farrell back in the fat suit, for the first spin-off series about Oswald Cobblepot. (shows Robin Lord Taylor as the Penguin in Gotham) ...Second spin-off series? Whatever; it's great. Either that, or the last DC villain really lowered my standards.
Arthur Fleck: There is no Joker.
The Penguin
Enter Gotham, a city still recovering from Riddler stuff.
Riddler: Evacuation will not be an option.
While Bruce Wayne is busy blow-drying his cape, one gangster plans to exploit the power vacuum left in the absence of Carmine Falcone, and his heir, Alberto Falcone (shows Oz shooting Alberto dead), and his heir, Sofia Falcone...
Sofia: (as she is forced into her cell at Arkham) Stop! Please... [...] I am innocent!
...and her heir, Luca Falcone (shows Luca's corpse on his bed), and also rival mob boss Sal Maroni...
Mikey: This is from Oz, motherf*cker. (stabs Salvatore)
...and his heirs, Nadia and Taj Maroni (shows Nadia and Taj being set on fire), and then Sal Maroni, again (shows Salvatore dying from a heart attack), and then Sofia Falcone, again (shows Sofia locked up in Arkham), and really, anyone above middle management, in any gang, at any time. (shows a Massive subordinate killing her superior with a kettlebell) Pro tip: if you're in the Mob, never rise above driver. It's the only level where you're safe. (shows Oz strangling Victor to death) <sigh> Never mind...
The only man left waddling is Oswald Cobblepot. He's got a new drug on the streets: a mix of mushroom juice and sewer gas. Kids are calling it "Bliss". Man, where's Ice-T when you need him? (shows a Law & Order: Special Victims Unit meme reading "Lab found traces of shroom juice and sewer gas. Kids are calling it 'Bliss'.") Colin Farrell commits -- and I mean, "commits" -- to the role of a guy fighting for his life under 50 pounds of prosthetics.
Craig (I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson): Carmine?
Karl Havoc: There's too much f*cking sh*t on me.
He's got a face only a mother could love, but in her case? Ehhh...
Francis: I never stopped hating you.
Follow Oz as he does whatever it takes to be Mommy's favorite son, even if that means drowning his brothers (shows Jack and Benny Cobb screaming for help behind a locked water main as it floods), or paying a hooker to dress like Mom and tell him what a good boy he is.
Oz: Tell me you're proud of me.
Eve: I'm so proud of you. / My beautiful boy.
Calling it right now (shows Francis stabbing Oz with a broken wine bottle): most f*cked-up Penguin. Enjoy your silver medal, DeVito. (shows the Penguin looking confused as he eats a raw fish in front of an applauding crowd in Batman Returns)
Snarking in the way of his success is Sofia Falcone.
Sofia: Zhao is here to see me. Not my former driver. / What a funky hideout.
Sofia: I like your place.
Oz: Thank you.
Sofia: Understated.
Link: We've never met, but I know who you are.
Sofia: Good for you.
Sofia: Tacky.
Her father Carmine promised her his empire, then did a total about-face (shows Carmine Falcone being portrayed by John Turturro in The Batman and Mark Strong in this series), sending her to Arkham instead; there, she was hardened by every stereotype in the loony bin (shows Sofia getting beaten by the other inmates and being subjected to electroshock therapy), emerging to fight harmful stereotypes against female drug lords --
Sofia: And I refuse to let these old f*cking men push me aside again, like I'm nothing.
Viti: This business ain't your business.
Get him, girlboss! (shows Sofia shooting Viti in the head) -- as she and Oz compete to see who has more cred with the Goon Union...
Oz: They run sh*t! We eat sh*t!
Sofia: (showing a bag full of money) This was my father's. But he made it off of your labor.
...torturing each other over the decades with murders, kidnappings, and worst of all, forcing a man like the Penguin to go to therapy.
Sofia: Share some hard truths? It might bring about some healing.
Oz: You f*ckin' psycho!
The Penguin's not alone... mostly.
Victor: He kind of likes having me around. [...] He's kinda lonely.
Meet Victor; you'll grow to love this cute kid from Gotham's newest aquarium district. (shows Victor's apartment getting destroyed by the Riddler's flood) He's a sweet boy...
Oz: --how do I look?
Victor: Yeah, you look... It's good. No blood, so...
Oz: Yeah, good.
...who's nice to old ladies (shows Victor dancing with Francis); he even says sorry for murder...
Victor: (after shooting Squid in the neck) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Why'd you make me do that?
...which, to a discerning audience, is like watching a veal calf being fattened for the slaughter.
Victor: You're f... f-family to me. You know?
...Yeah, if a writer gives you that line, Batman couldn't save you with all the prep time in the world.
Oz: F*ck. (drops Victor's corpse)
So get ready for a wild new take on the DC Universe, that really lets you breathe in the stank of Gotham City, leading to chronic lung issues (?)...
Nadia: It is how we have survived this long.
Francis: --when my Oswald puts a bullet in that pretty little skull of yours...
Chief Bock: If you hear from Johnny Viti, give us a call.
...and best of all, fills the void left by classic Mafia movies...
Oz: Remember, if somebody asks you where you got the cash...
Zeke: I say construction.
Oz: Construction. We're all in construction.
...'cause with David Chase retired, Scorsese distracted by TikTok, and Coppola doing... whatever the f*ck that was (Megalopolis), Matt Reeves isn't giving us the mob show we need, but it is the one that we desoive.
Young Francis: 'Cause I desoive a happy life.
Young Oz: You desoive the best life...
Francis: --everything you desoive.
Oz: You desoive the credit.
Young Oz: No one else is gonna get you what you desoive.
Starring: Bird Bird Bird, the Bird's a Turd (Colin Farrell as Oswald "Oz" Cobb/The Penguin); Sofia is Brat (Cristin Milioti as Sofia Falcone/The Hangman); Orphan, Black (Rhenzy Feliz as Victor Aguilar); Has Anyone Ever Told You You Sound Exactly Like Lex Luthor? (Clancy Brown as Salvatore Maroni); Non Turturro (Mark Strong as Carmine Falcone); Ma! The Meatloaf! (Deirdre O'Connell as Francis Cobb); Escortney Love (Carmen Ejogo as Eve Karlo); Scaredy-Crow (Theo Rossi as Dr. Julian Rush); and wikiFeet's Least Wanted (shows Oz's clubfoot).
Oz: Holy God, what are you showing me?!
Lt. James Gordon: This was around his head!
Oz: Come on!
Horrible Bosses
The honest title for The Penguin was ‘Horrible Bosses’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
You don't need Batman to take down these syndicates; The Wire would wrap them up in one episode!
Donny Boy: (over the phone) What the f*ck you think you're doing dumping your product in my territory?
Salvatore: (over the phone) I got him.
Sofia: Have patience. We're gonna kill him soon.
Oz: (taking a photo of Alberto's phone calendar) Here we go.
Clay Davis (The Wire): Sh*****t.
Viewer's Comments[]
Please say, "Oh, Oswald Cobb. Remember him? What a guy." - deveshbhambhani8896
Please say "What's the difference between the government and the mafia? One of them is organized!" - benabramowitz18
Please say in your epic voice: "I quit drinking for good. Now I drink for evil." - javaks
Say "So go back to the club" like Adam Driver did in Megalopolis - Starwebs
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Manager: Emin Bassavand
Manager, Content Operations: Tiffany Tse
Post-Production Specialist: Rebecca Castaneda
VP Content: Max Dionne