On my blog entry entitled Being Protected versus Taking Responsibility for Managing Triggers, a reader posted the following comment:
You mentioned in your post that you now knew what tools you needed to employ to get through your triggering. When you have time, I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about those tools..? (if it’s not too personal that is) Besides deep breathing and running away, my toolbox is a little empty I’m afraid! ~ Mia
As always, some of these tools might work for you and other might not. I think it is helpful for each child abuse survivor to figure out what works for him or her and keep adding to your toolbox. What is in your toolbox might be completely different from what is in mine, or there might be lots of overlap. What matters is that each child abuse survivor try different ways to bring yourself down when you are triggered. For me, it helps to have a variety of tools. As I build up my confidence in some tools, I am able to remove others.
The first tools I had in my toolbox were not the healthiest choices, but they did help when I was triggered. These tools included binge eating and banging my head. It was important for me to recognize that these behaviors, which I hated and wanted to stop, were serving the purpose of helping me manage my triggers. As I built up my confidence in other ways to manage my triggers, I was able to let go of those.
In the so-so category for me are tools that alter my mental state physically, such as drinking wine or taking a Xanax. Again, these might not be the “best” tools, but they are less unhealthy than binge eating or banging my head. Transitioning these tools in helped me to let go of the other behaviors over time. It might surprise you that I am starting this blog entry with behaviors that many people might classify as “less healthy” than where I am going, but I think it is important to recognize the role of self-care that “less healthy” behaviors can serve. For me, this second category belongs in my toolbox, and the tools in my first category, which are physically harmful to me, have mostly fallen by the wayside.
Some of my more positive tools include the following:
- Calling a friend and venting
- Deep breathing
- Exercising
- Expressing my emotions (crying, punching pillows, etc.)
- Scheduling an appointment with my therapist
- Taking a walk
- Visualization
- Watching a comedy on TV
- Writing on my blog or at Isurvive
- Yoga and meditation
I think the biggest difference in my reaction to triggers now versus seven years ago is my confidence that I am going to be OK. In my early days of healing, I truly did not know this. Something would trigger me, and I would feel “off” for days or even weeks at a time. Today, I am typically over a trigger in a few hours. For serious triggers, I might be rocked for a few days. Even when I am badly triggered, I know that these feelings won’t last. Whatever I am feeling right now – either good or bad – is going to pass.
If I am badly triggered, I remember that I am the fire hose and that the emotions are the water coursing through me. I am not the emotions. I will do deep breathing and visualize the emotions passing through me. This helps me ground myself and recognize that the feelings of being triggered will pass.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
Blooming Lotus 
I think that triggers are the function of the reptilian brains. (RB) They are so fast that the rest of the brain can not keep up. What is “known” is slowed down to a point of non-understanding in using words.
I do not know the origin of the concept of coping with triggers came from nor the concept that was all that is possible came from. I expect it is from the intellectual thought of what must be best. I do know that it is a widely taught belief stated as fact. Maybe it is a mental health’s professionals prophesy fulfilled by survivors without a clear sense of self?
Triggers are needed, I know as I can totally eliminate them through meditation. Thing is I then do not know to duck, do not understand I can drown or can be burned etc.
Or through meditation I can cope with triggers. This works for a while and then I stop practicing because is not working. While practicing I believed it was working. My RB knows better and that is why the practice is stopped then started I could continue the practice as long as life was smooth. Real life is not like that and the meditation only copes until I am forced to face real life. I happen to want to experience real life so it is OK.
Or through meditation I could again start to heal and still only knew how to cope and so the healing was again interrupted.
I do not cope with triggers rather I experience them. By doing so it gives my RB a new experience and it knows on a non word level that it is not needed for now. It is still there the RB is like that.
I do think I have to process every trigger. Good news is by not coping I learned to do it very fast sometimes. RB is like that.
I do of course have to cope to get through. Getting through is not a goal for me although it is a role that was seen for me and is seen for me by many. Good news is I did not take the role although I often wore myself out fighting it off.
I know of no better way to cope than multiplicity. That someone can teach me how to cope considering what I have coped with is silly if you think about it.
i always knew how to heal. I started every single time I had a chance. Starting in the womb. Every time it was interrupted. Not to worry my RB remembers I need to unlearn and let my RB try again. Over and over again. It is not a unending process if the focus is not on coping and therefore the measure is not how well or how I am coping.
Until my death my RB will be needed. It can be doing what is needed in the now, which of course it always has been. I needed to change what was needed.
I came to this comment knowing that not each child abuse survivor must try different ways to bring yourself down when you are triggered. I came away with it makes sense this is what is taught by those who have not healed from trauma or are limited to what was learned from those who have not healed from trauma. And wonder if this is not only limited to me but to many other child abuse survivors and they do not know it just as I did not. Perhaps survivors already coped very well and fine tuning that is not a real solution. In a way they already cope to well and that is what is the problem. They need to experience life in a different way not get better at how they already experience it.
So the real question is was RB already a separate part and now they have a name? Was a part created while writing this? Is it the dragon’s initials? Or something not yet known?
Thanks Michael. As always there is a lot to think about with your responses. For myself, I am tired of feeling as though my inner reality is not a choice, but dictated in an exaggerated way by outside stimuli. This is something that I want to change because it doesn’t feel good anymore and I see how my reactions actually make and uncomfortable situation worse and that there are choices I can make that will help to diffuse my knee jerk behavior caused by allowing my reactionary tendencies to continue to run unchecked, now that the danger is no longer present for me.
So… I think that in general our goals are similar, even though our approaches and experiences may differ.
Thanks for your honesty and feedback. It helps.
m
Faith,
I know your husband is NOT very supportive of your healing journey, but it is very disappointing that you didn’t mention a spouse or family member as a possible “tool.” I can untrigger the little girls in ways that my wife has no ability to do for herself and a few minutes later the girls/my wife are back to normal. It’s a basic human response: the littles view themselves as children, and children want the real flesh and blood arms of someone they love and trust to comfort them when they get scared. I find it appalling that the therapists don’t push to have more involvement from family members that might be supportive if they were only given the chance. The littles don’t need you to vent to a friend; they want someone to hold them and tell them “it will be ok. I’ve got you now and I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Sam
Thanks Faith, this really helps me to see things right in front of me that I can do. Some of it I already do, and some things are new and some things I just forget are free and easily done!
Thanks Michael and Sam for your insights also. This abuse thing is really a social and learned kind of condition and I think it takes a society to help us unlearn it. So I appreciate all the different considerations that different individuals bring to the table. We can all just really speak from our own experiences which have similar threads, but which are different in many ways and more importantly processed and internalized differently.
This gives me a lot to think about and work with. Thanks all!
Peace,
m