I am working through a Bible study right now written by Beth Moore called Breaking Free. I tried to do this study back in 2004 when I was in therapy and working through flashbacks. I dropped out after the fourth week – it was just too intense for me at the time in my life.
Now, I am doing this study again (the updated version), and it has me hopeful that I can “break free” from more of my issues and break more chains left by my abusers, such as my eating disorder, weight battles, insomnia, etc.
The Session Four video was particularly powerful. I watched it right before I went to sleep, and I dreamed about it all night long. The video talked about the dangers of “making peace with our bondage.” Some examples Beth Moore used were an aversion to sex, being overweight, and eating disorders. Ouch! She pointed out that one lie that so many of us buy into is that nobody has been able to beat this, so why should I believe that I will be delivered?
I must say that I do struggle with this mentality, as I believe that most people do. For example, remember when people believed that it was not possible to run a mile in under four minutes? That is, until somebody did it, and then lots of other people did it, too. The main barrier was the widespread belief that doing it was impossible. A part of myself believes that it is not possible for me to overcome my aversion to sex, beat my eating disorder, overcome my anxiety, etc. However, I know that some of you have overcome these obstacles, which tells me that it is, in fact, possible.
Beth Moore covered another topic that really spoke to me. She said that, to reach our milestones, we must first make it through our “moments.” It is my “moments” that continue to sabotage my progress. I will have soy milk and orange juice for breakfast and a Lean Cuisine for lunch. I will work in one or two light healthy snacks. I make to 5:00 p.m. feeling very good about myself and my body. Then, I have my “moment” where my ADHD son is driving me crazy, my husband is cranky, etc., and I turn to food, wine, or Xanax to get me through that “moment.” Most of my day is fine – it is those “moments” that undermine me every time.
I am going to keep working through the Bible study and see if I can finally find freedom from the “bondage” of an eating disorder, etc. I am sooo sick and tired of being enslaved to it.
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Blooming Lotus 