cupcake_goth | Recent Entries

I used to have this skirt by Kambriel. I have since sold it on to

sistawendy , and it looks fabulous on her. But I miss the idea of the skirt.

I'm pondering buying yardage of both those fabrics to make myself an ankle-length version. I'd be making it myself, because if I asked the Madwoman in the Attic to make something with both those patterns together, her head would explode.

Originally, I was supposed to be getting my COVID vax on Friday and thus spend the weekend recovering. (COVID vaccinations hit me hard.) But then other things meant moving things around, and now I'm planning on getting my vaccination on 12/27, which gives me more days to recover.

So we could go do the other things, right? AHAHAHAHAHA Friday night my back decided to ~do the thing~, the thing that sent me to the ER at the end of 2019. This round wasn't quite as bad, but I did need the Stroppy One to help me stand up from any seated position and to escort me up and down stairs in case my left leg randomly decided not to work for a few seconds.

I lost the whole weekend to heavy drugs and being covered in lidocaine patches. Luckily I have a Dr. appointment on Thursday; I will go over all of this with her, say, "I've done all the things that can be done before medical procedures are discussed", and then ask what tests I need to get before I can get steroid shots. (Steroid shots are the next step, with the ultimate step being surgery.) The Stroppy One will be in the appointment with me, because there's a good chance I'll forget to mention something, so having a backup brain is a good idea.

Stupid bodies.

WHERE THE HELL IS MY ROLL OF 3” WIDE BLACK ELASTIC?!?!! I’ve searched all the usual places, but no luck. The next time I go upstairs I will ask Clovis Devilbunny for help finding it, which means I’ll find it, but it’ll be someplace weird.

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I’ve been looking for a full-skirted black wool coat, because mine is about 5” too small. The coats I’ve found are either not in my size, not the style I want, or synthetic wool. I’m boggled that I can’t find what I want, because they were plentiful in thrift stores just a few years ago. And I’m not even looking for one with a fur collar, because I have multiple vintage real fur collars that I can wear with a coat.

Last night, probably around 4 or 5am, I woke up with awful chills. Chills that caused muscle spasms and left me wanting to be put in a coma, because the pain level swung between 7-9. The Stroppy One went and microwaved every buckwheat pillow, put them on me, layered me in blankets, and then took my temperature. Which was normal, so I have no idea why this happened. I did end up having some nausea, but that's probably because I took my Wegovy shot earlier that evening, and I always have nausea the night of.

Oh, and I never got back to sleep. So I'm punchy, kinda-sorta have vertigo, and am in pain because of the terrible muscle cramps last night, all while working! Yeah, the excitement never ends.

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In shallow capitalist consumption news, we actually went to a mall on Saturday. We didn't want to, but the Stroppy One needed new shoes, so he needed to go to the Dr. Martens store and try things on. While he was doing that, I scooted over to the MAC store and bought the last tube of "Cyber" lipstick that they had. I was waited on by an ADORABLE goth girl, who was all aflutter about my entire look. At one point she made a little bowing action and declared me her queen. That was nice.

After I bought lipstick, I joined the Stroppy One at the Dr. Martens store aaannnnnnnd ended up adding some things to the purchase: the Dr. Martens Elphie II Wednesday shoes and a version of this purse that has a black ruffle around the edge on the front. While I'm trying to use smaller purses because less size = less weight = my shoulders don't get as cranky, I have the pink one of this, and I've learned not to overpack it. Also, it will be super useful for the big company kick-off week-long meeting in January, because I've learned I need to have a decently sized notebook with me at all times.

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Good god almighty, I feel terrible.

- My endoscopy and colonoscopy came back all clear, yay!

- I expected to sleep after coming home from the procedures. AHAHAHAHAHAHA no my body didn't want to cooperate. And I certainly didn't sleep during the hours of drinking the prep solution. I ended up being awake, with the exception of the procedures, for something like 36 hours. 0/10, do not recommend.

- The Madwoman in the Attic, during her usual meandering around the internet, found this fabric. She told me how many yards I needed for the high collar dress, and I gleefully bought some. Glow in the dark bats!

- Today is the day of the all- clear liquid diet in preparation for the joint endoscopy and colonoscopy tomorrow morning. Ew. I start drinking the vile prep liquid in about 6 hours, and I'm REALLY not looking forward to that. I'm very glad we got a bidet installed in the master bathroom.

- MCR announced two additional shows for 2026: October 30 & 31 at the Hollywood Bowl. Whaaaaaah! There's no way I can manage that, because the L.A. show I'm already going to is October 24, and I can't stay in L.A. for an entire week. But WOW do I wish I could see that Halloween show.

- The new Florence + the Machine album continues to have me in its clutches. My favorite song right now is "Sympathy Magic" (especially the chamber version). It's the first F+tM song that has lyrics that call to me for a tattoo: "So I don't have to be worthy / I no longer try to be good / It didn't keep me safe / like you told me that it would". This makes two song lyric tattoos I want, the first being "My childhood spat back up the monster that I am" from a Fall Out Boy song. Let's just handwave the psychological underpinnings of why those lyrics resonate with me, okay?

- Oooh, did I mention I got tickets to the Florence + the Machine concert in May? It'll be the first time I've seen her live, so I'm very excited. This means I have three concerts to look forward to in 2026: Ghost, Florence + the Machine, and My Chemical Romance. I LOVE live shows; the physical push of the live music soothes something in my body and brain.

- I've decided that I need to knuckle down and take photos of things I want to sell and get started on Poshmark. I HATE mailing things, but I need to do it. Any profits will be spent on that gorgeous custom dress from the Ukrainian designer.

So how are you folks doing?

I'm once again thinking of going to the permanent makeup tattooist who did my brows to get a star-shaped permanent beauty mark. I'm trying to decide between bright BRIGHT fuchsia, or the darkest brown she has (I'd prefer black, but I don't know what color black cosmetic tattooing pigment fades to. I don't want a blue star eventually on my face.

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As far as the Stroppy One and I have been able to tell, the ear goop medicine for Miss Erzabet No Biting's hyperthyroidism is indeed reducing her peeing everywhere. An interesting side effect is that Vlad is now spending more time with us in the evening, instead of staying in the Madwoman in the Attic's room. So that's nice.

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I had an insane urge to reread what I consider to be Anne Rice's crackiest books in the Vampire Chronicles: Blackwood Farm and Blood Canticle. I've finished the first, and am about 1/4 through the second, and my god, I had forgotten how unhinged Lestat sounds during it. Lestat berates the people who didn't like Memnoch the Devil! (I am amongst those people.) Lestat fantasizes about becoming a saint and fixing everything wrong with the world! Everyone prays to him! Lestat imagines a conversation with the Pope about canonizing him! And that's just in the first chapter.

Also, you could tell me that Anne Rice was the person who wrote the mind-boggling fanfic classic My Immortal and I would agree. Look at how Lestat describes himself:

Our Halloween was very quiet. We had plans to get window seats at our local brewpub and watch the massive community trick-or-treat event, but the skies opened up around 3pm with a torrential downpour. We stayed at home and watched movies.

The other reason our Halloween was so low-key is because of a Fri-Sun Magic: the Gathering tournament at the local convention center, and the Stroppy One was in attendance to do the World Famous M:tG Artist thing and sign people's cards in exchange for money. These shows are great and yet exhausting for him; on Saturday there was never a break in his line, he was there for over 9 hours, was the last artist to leave, and came home with three commissioned sketches to do. This has become the norm for shows for him, in part because he only goes to ones that have a specific tournament format that focuses on the expansions that he has the most art in, but also because he's one of the most prolific artists in the game.

I went to a friends' low-key party last night, which was wonderful. Costumes were optional, so I just pulled out my fancy witch hat and covered my under eye circles with glitter. Did you know that there are now glitter temporary tattoos?! That you can cut apart and layer for the coverage you want?! And the glitter does not budge, to the point that it took several rounds of jojoba oil to remove.

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I did some last-minute gothy impulse shopping thanks to mailing list discount codes: this belt from Videnoir, and this over-the-top ruffled collar from Devil Fashion. And then an Etsy seller I follow sent me a massive discount code, so this giant onyx pendant is headed my way. (It's the store that I purchased my massive labradorite pendant from, so I know the quality is good.)

Tags:

Yesterday was Miss Erzabet No Biting's first vet appointment since right before we moved. Not only was it time, but we were hoping for information or answers about her inappropriate voiding (how the vet referred to her peeing and pooping anywhere she felt like), and (what worried me most) the very slight intermittent tremor of her head that has developed.

The vet's diagnosis, now confirmed by the blood tests: she has developed hyperthyroidism. I'm waiting on the call from the vet where he'll give me more information. I did some quick research and it looks like the two main treatments are either daily meds or having radioactive iodine injected into the thyroid, which involves a multi-day stay at the vet. I still kinda-sorta prefer that option to meds, because she isn't easy to pill. But then again, how will she react to being somewhere strange and away from me? The last time we did that (when she was at a kitty emergency place because of difficulty breathing) she refused to eat or drink, and spent two days hidden under the blanket in the cage.

Shockingly, she was such a good girl about going to the vet! Previous trips involved her fighting being put in the carrier, peeing herself, and being completely silent and hyperventilating. There was none of that this trip! She was very vocal, but didn't sound distressed, thank goodness. It took her about three minutes of being home before she forgave me and was trying to herd me to the couch for cuddles.

Have I mentioned how much I'm looking forward to the new Florence + the Machine album? SO MUCH I NEED IT NOW NOW NOW okay fine I'll wait for Halloween.

This weekend I did a bit of spellwork that I learned about online: wring writing. You think of a phrase that sums up something that's been troubling you or something that you want to let go, then write it over and over on a piece of paper until the paper is completely blocked out. Write the phrase on top of the phrase until individual words can't be seen. Then burn the paper, take the ashes, and put them in a jar with whatever things say "protection" to you. I used salt, cinnamon, and roses.

Let me tell you, this spell takes ENERGY. I haven't been that wiped out from a magical working in a very long time; once I was done with everything, I was hit with the shakes and had to flop for a bit. BUT, I certainly felt lighter after it. I'm going to do this with the particular phrase I settled on ("I can't ask for help") for the next few weekends.

When I told my therapist about this bit of spellwork, she was fascinated. She said she was probably going to adopt it herself, and also told me that doing it was my "therapy homework" for the week. More proof my therapist is the correct one for me.

So many random things happening. Don't expect this to be linear.

- The teaser trailer for season three of Interview with the Vampire/The Vampire Lestat has arrived! I am in a state of giddy fangirl screaming and I want the season RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT. I also want a CD and tour shirt. Anyway, remember how when the casting for the show was announced that I was super-skeptical of Sam Reid, and then I watched episode 1 and said "Yep, that's Lestat"? My god, the man has obviously been possessed by the spirit of my egotistical rock star vampire boyfriend, yesssssssss.

- I'm trying to decide if I want to watch The Talamasca, which is based on Anne Rice's books. On the one hand, I've always been interested? Charmed? Something? by the idea of a supernatural observer group and have always wanted more details. On the other hand, I'm concerned that the show will be more like The Mayfair Witches than Interview with the Vampire, and I'm not up for hate-watching another show.

- I bought another Beetlejuce corset-back blazer from La Femme en Noir, with the intent of dying it pink. I'm not worried about how the fabric will take the color, I'm just not sure how to dye it. There's no way it'll fit in my dye pot, which means I either need to get a Rubbermaid tub and fill it with near-boiling water and dye, or bribe a friend with a top loading washing machine.

- Not only am I going to see MCR in L.A. next year, but I'm now going to a Ghost concert in Seattle in Feb. I don't listen to them a lot, but I think they're entertaining and put on a wonderfully theatrical and over-the-top show.

- The Powers That Be are having fun dropping anvils on me via cartomancy: every card for the past few weeks has been about focusing on my magical practices and putting energy into what makes me happy and grounded, because, as the 10 of Wands hit me with yesterday, OH HEY I'M OVER-EXTENDED AND COURTING BURNOUT. (Thank god I'm not using one of the bitchier decks right now.)

- Bloodmilk Jewels has released limited edition pendants of comedy and tragedy jack o' lanterns. Peev got me the comedy one, with the caveat that it'll be my Christmas present. I'm dithering on if I want to buy the tragedy one so I have the set to wear as part of my 24/7 neck mess. I think I do, because I need to be better at acknowledging difficult and upsetting things/emotions/situations happen but I don't need to keep my brain in them. But still, $260. Ooof.

- I ended up tapping out of work on Friday, because my stomach/innards started doing the thing that sent me to the ER, and I needed to take meds and fall over RIGHT THEN. Things slowly got better, but I pretty much crashed on the couch all weekend, watching tv and doing hand sewing. Buttons. Many buttons.

- I still have many medical appointments to schedule. My labs and ultrasounds all came back fine, but apparently I have some ovarian cysts; those plus some other possible pelvic issues may be the cause of my sudden-onset abdominal pain. Therefore, time to find a GYN and make an appointment. Lets's see how far out the ones suggested by my GP are booked, whee.

- My boss moved our 1:1 to today (instead of the usual Wed. time) because she wanted to talk to me about having a mentor to help me hone my skills in writing leadership & exec communications. The big things I need to improve, apparently, are giving the tl;dr version with the important info, the "why" behind the issue, and to call out the areas where I don't have the answers; in fact, it's good to point out where I don't have answers. I'm all for a mentor, but that last bit of pointing out where I don't have answers freaks me out. I'm supposed to be perfect, dammit. (Cue laughter from everyone around me, yes, I know.)

She also commented that I'm doing really well, and this is all to set me up for future success to get the promotion. This leads me to believe that maybe I'll get a decent review. Now let's set the timer for when the Brain Raccoons will start screeching.

- My duster from Market of Stars arrived. The print is gorgeous. The fabric is much lighter than I expected. And the shape is a little more square than I expected. It's beautiful, but ... let's put it this way, I'm glad I didn't spend my own money on it. I'm sure I'll be able to figure out a way to make it look better than "Hi, I'm wearing a square of fabric", but it'll take more finessing than I expected.

Yesterday was a pray-for-a-coma migraine. I went to an appointment with my GP to talk about a bunch of things, then came home, looked at my computer, realized that yes really a migraine was coming on fast and hard, then logged out. My interrupt meds kinda-sorta helped, but I spent the day in a napping haze.

Late afternoon-ish, there was a marked drop in the symptoms that mean I can't look at the TV, so Peev and I decided to watch Weapons. Which is a decent horror movie, and I'll probably watch it again to see what I missed. You see, Peev was adamant that I not do my usual thing of spoiling myself for the movie, because he'd heard from multiple people to avoid all spoilers before watching.

... yeah. Now he understands why I spoil myself, because being tense and anxious about possible jump scares and just what happens next means I can't settle in and enjoy the story AND causes a low-to-mid level anxiety attack. He gets it now.

The title is because every time there's a Rapture predicted, I listen to Astro Zombies. It seems appropriate.

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As some of you may have noticed from my shrieking on social media yesterday, My Chemical Romance announced tour dates for 2026. The closest they're coming to me is San Diego or L.A., and yes, discussions are being had about which show I should try to purchase tickets for. EXCEPT that I'll have to purchase those tickets later, because they go on sale on Friday, right when I'll be in the office for an all-day meeting.
:: wails ::

The Stroppy One pointed out that more tickets always become available closer to the concert dates, and while I know he's right, that doesn't sooth the wailing fangirl part of my brain. Stupid work calibration meetings.

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Yesterday I discovered the clothing company Market of Stars, and specifically this duster. I flailed a lot about in on Bluesky and Tumblr, because my god that is pretty and I already thought of two different outfits I could use it with. To my complete shock, someone who's followed me for years and years sent me the money for it, saying they wanted to spread some kindness. I am shocked but grateful.

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IG has started showing me a lot of witchy content. Not just the aesthetic IG witches, but people who's approaches are similar to mine. I don't know why the algorithm started doing that, but I prefer it to the hordes of "alt" makeup tutorials done by baby faced, dripping with collagen youngsters. (I found all of them adorable, but found myself muttering "Okay, now show me how to do that with permanent eye bags" a lot.)

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As many of you know, my company hosts the all-hands Company Kick-Off event at the beginning of every year in Phoenix AZ, and there's always a costume theme for the first day. The 2026 theme is ... teams. Any way someone wants to interpret that, but of course all the examples were sports-related. But! I came up with a brilliant idea and presented it to my team: we all carry notepads and oversized pencils, and ta-da! We're the writing team. My peeps liked it, so that's what we're doing.

- I had a dream last night where I was in some sort of high-end, very posh mall, and spent ages looking at a mysterious cosmetics counter that had lipsticks that were exact matches for the OG Chanel Vamp and MAC Verushka. They had tubes of those discontinued lipsticks to swatch and match. I woke up as my dream self was about to spend $160 for two lipsticks. I'll admit I'd be tempted to do that in real life if the company did indeed have the OG tubes to swatch against.

- The US leg of the MCR tour ended last weeked. HOWever, as of yesterday, new ads related to MCR have been seen in New York, Detroit, Minneapolis, and San Diego. Some are just spray painted logos in parking lots outside of stadiums, but some have been bulletin boards and signs of either one or more of the band in the Black Parade uniform, or the Keposhka MCR logo. The fandom, no surprise, are losing our MINDS. Does this mean there's going to be another US leg of the tour? If there is, does it mean more weird storyline/lore that the band is potentially in some sort of stasis or time loop? (I won't give you the whole breakdown, but over the course of the tour Gerard has become more and more corpse-like; paler, wounds on his face, etc., and he's stabbed to death at the end of each Black Parade segment of the concert. There's more. There's a lot more.) Does this mean there's going to be a DVD or something? Should I start saving money for tickets and travel just in case? Who knows? Not the fandom, that's for sure.

- I've been tired ALL THE TIME lately. I'm sure some of it is the ambient stress level we're all dealing with plus the ongoing varying stress levels of work, but the rest may be my chronic health issues flaring up? My body trying to stage a coup and force me to rest? I don't like any of these answers.

- I'm finally getting back into a rhythm of witchy things. I'm pulling a tarot card most days, and I did some ritual work this week. It felt good. I need to do more, because it helps me approach things with more clarity and giving myself grace. And whooooo-boy, do I need both of those things.

So! How are you folks doing?

A week or two ago a dear friend sent me a care package of Trader Joe's marshmallows, which are entirely corn free! No corn syrup! No cornstarch laden powdered sugar!

This afternoon, feeling incredibly groggy, I decided I needed a cup of my fancy cocoa (with half a scoop of protein powder), and instead of using sugar or honey, I would use a few of the marshmallows for sweetness.

YES. This was a good idea. This helped stave off a mild panic attack because of my stupid brain deciding it wants to freak out over everything ever said to it. Cocoa and marshmallows made my brain be quiet. I need to remember this. Not the cocoa with protein powder, I've been doing that for a bit, but that 1) adding marshmallows is GOOOOOOD, and 2) maybe have this treat a bit more often because maybe it helps with the fucking anxiety.

So yeah. That's where I'm at right now.

The Vampire Masquerade Ball weekend was fantastic! My outfit was everything I'd hoped for.

To what will be the actual shock of everyone who knows me, I didn't go to Powell's. I waffled about it, because Powell's, but I haven't finished the stack of books I bought there last year. On the suggestion from someone on FB, the Renfields and I went to Black Cat Frozen Custard, which is a spooky-themed frozen custard place. It was lovely, but we weren't there for the custard, we were there to go to Conspirators Coffee Lounge, which is a coffee speakeasy hidden in the custard shop. You have to know the password to whisper to one of the staff at the custard counter. You enter via a door hidden behind a wardrobe, and step into someplace that looks like a reading room in an antique occult library; velvet chairs, (fake) candles everywhere, curiosity cabinets, a spiral staircase to another section, and so on. We were there strictly for vibes, but to our joy the coffee (and chai and matcha) were delicious!

The ball itself was wonderful. So many pretty people, guests and performers alike! If you are on IG, check out the one for the VMB. One of the performances was an aerialist who, instead of using silks or straps, used metal chains. She was wonderful to watch, but I felt they sympathetic need to coat myself in arnica.

Of importance to jengalicious: I saw your ex and his ladyfriend, but had no interaction with them. However, I can say that my all-white outfit was far better than theirs (I could tell he made her outfit by the usual last-minute construction flaws that were visible across a darkened room), and that he looks like the result of Baby's First Necromancy Kit. I took petty glee in both of those things.

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Yesterday I woke up with a terrible migraine. See, this is why I make sure I schedule a recovery day after an event, because I know my body hates me. Ugh.

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I may have figured out next year's VMB outfit. The white coat I wore for this year also comes in B&W stripes! All I'll need to do is remove that lace trim, add metal buttons on the front, and have the Madwoman in the Attic add pockets. Oh, and decide what color skirt and (sleeveless!) blouse I'll wear with it.

(Bandom lyric titles, the return of.)

I'm soooooo close to being done with the blood beading on my blouse for VMB! As in, I should be able to finish it tonight! Everything else is done, with the exception of gluing a few red sequins onto the white feathered fascinator. The weather in PDX is supposed to be warm this weekend, but the venue has AC, thank goodness.

(If I have the time (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), I'll add some blood spatter to the oversized white hand fan that I bought, but that's so far down the priority list that I'm almost certain it won't happen.)

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The only Labor Day sale I took advantage of was to stock up on the CBD creams we use. There were other things that were tempting, but not enough to make me hit the checkout button. Good job, me.

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Weight loss talk: I've officially lost 25lbs since January. Which may not sound like much, spread over that length of time, but it's happened with no real changes to my lifestyle other than unconsciously eating less without obsessing over it and falling onto the path of madness.

Guess who strained her thumb because of doing so much beading on the blood spatter blouse?

Guess who still needs to do more beading and make the fascinator?

Guess who is not doing any hand work projects until Monday, which, thank god, I have off.

Add this to the list of "bodies are stupid".

Because of the exciting and inconclusive trip to the ER a few weeks ago, I have been told to schedule All The Tests:

- Monday was multiple ultrasounds, including the always-uncomfortable pelvic ultrasound.

- Today was full fasting labs, which means I got out of bed, got dressed, and went to the lab so they could draw EIGHT VIALS of blood. I am somewhat dizzy.

- I'm playing phone tag with the gastroenterologists' office to schedule both an endoscopy AND a colonoscopy, oh joy.

- Once that's done, I am pretty sure there'll be another appointment with my GP.

- Aaaaand my mammogram in Sept.

I'm not thrilled about any of this, but It Must Be Done.

When real things happen to imaginary people

Random fashion pondering

Dear Body, that wasn't the plan

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So that was terrible

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A list of random things

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I can't think of an appropriate bandom lyric for a title

The witchcraft, the medicine, the spells, and the injections

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This is gospel for the vagabonds, ne'er-do-wells, and insufferable bastards

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Prime directive: exterminate the whole human race

I wrote a goodbye note in lipstick on your arm

You're right, Brain, we DO need a little treat

shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey

We're hanging out with corpses and driving in this hearse

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