An Etiquette Guide to Friendsgiving

Friendsgiving is the perfect occasion to celebrate friendship, make Ina Garten's mashed potato recipe, and learn how to actually cook a turkey without causing a kitchen fire. But unlike Thanksgiving, perhaps also known as the time you can get wine-drunk while your parents take charge of basically everything the holiday entails, Friendsgiving requires a lot more from you.

Even if you're not the host, there's a lot that goes into being a guest at Friendsgiving. And if you've never learned the proper Friendsgiving etiquette necessary for your role as a guest, now is your chance to.

From cleaning up to knowing who gets to take which leftovers, here's everything you need to know about Friendsgiving etiquette this year. Trust me, the last thing you want is to be the topic of discussion in the group chat the next day.

Olivia Pollock is an etiquette and hosting expert for Evite, a digital platform that allows users to send invitations online.

Thomas P. Farley, also known as Mister Manners, is an etiquette expert and keynote speaker.

When you're the host, there's nothing worse than not knowing how many people to accommodate for Friendsgiving. For this reason, hosting expert Olivia Pollock recommends responding to a Friendsgiving invitation as soon as possible. "This helps your host plan the menu and shop accordingly," she says.

Whether your host plans to cover the turkey or a few Thanksgiving staples, it's always a good idea to create a sign-up sheet where the guests can indicate what dish they'd like to bring. This ensures that you don't end up with five sides of mashed potatoes, Pollock says. With approval from the host, don't be afraid to make this sign-up sheet yourself so that you and all the other guests can be mindful of what to bring.

When signing up for dishes, be mindful of any guests' allergies, etiquette expert Thomas P. Farley says. Of course, you don't have to tailor the entire menu to one person's dietary restrictions, but making small changes to a dish can go a long way. (Do the green beans really need bacon if your friend can't eat pork?) Also, if you are the guest with allergies, make sure to bring an ample amount of a dish that you can eat just in case there aren't other options available for you.

Even if the host is choosing to make the entire Friendsgiving feast, it's still not a good idea to show up empty-handed. "If your host insists you don't need to bring anything, consider small gestures like breakfast items for the next morning or a festive candle. It shows you care and adds to the celebration," Pollock says. You could also offer to play bartender for the evening by bringing the ingredients necessary for some appletinis or another fall cocktail staple.

"If you're on time, you're late" is a common saying that does not apply to Friendsgivings. In fact, it may be better to be on time — or even a little late — than to arrive early to the event. Pollock recommends arriving on time or about 10-20 minutes after the start time. "This gives your host a little time to wrap up any last-minute preparations while ensuring you don't delay the meal," she adds.

If the dish you made requires a particular serving utensil, make sure to bring said utensil instead of expecting your host to have one. And if your dish needs a few extra minutes in the oven before serving, make sure to communicate that with your host ahead of time so they can make space. Basically, make sure your dish is ready to go by the time you step into your Friendsgiving — and if it's not, plan accordingly with the host.

Whether you're passing plates around the table or serving yourself buffet-style, be mindful of the amount of food you're taking before everyone has had a chance to serve themselves. If a friend baked only a small dish of stuffing, go for a single scoop instead of a double one; if there's more stuffing after everyone has served themselves, you can always get seconds.

Friendsgiving is the best because it's often a close group, saving you the work of navigating small talk. (It's Friendsgiving, after all.) But if you don't know everyone at the table, make sure to introduce yourself and engage in conversation. "Friendsgiving is a great opportunity to make new friends," Pollock says.

You are not at a restaurant. "Always offer to help with cleanup by clearing plates, washing dishes, or tidying up the space," Pollock says. This is not the time to sit back on your phone and expect other people to pick up after you. The faster everyone cleans up, the quicker you can all get back to drinking more appletinis.

"Don't ask to take leftovers home; wait for the host to ask if you'd like anything in particular to bring back home," Farley says. To make it easier, Pollock even recommends bringing your own containers so that the host doesn't have to offer their own personal Tupperware. (If the host lends a container, however, make sure you clean it and return it in a timely manner.)

The most important part of Thanksgiving and Friendsgiving is being thankful. "Don't forget to toast the host and to express gratitude for having such a wonderful corps of friends — both old and new — with whom to be sharing a meal," Farley says. And after the gathering, whether you write a card or tell them verbally, always, always, always say thank you.

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.