- After receiving a Ph.D. in sociology, I began a career in policy development and speech writing.
- In 2021, my oldest and youngest kids received complex medical diagnoses.
- It made me reconsider my career, and I quit to stay home with them.
When I graduated with a doctorate in sociology and immediately launched back-to-back careers in policy development and executive speech writing, I never dreamed I'd eventually leave it all behind to be a full-time parent to three young kids.
But in 2021, when my oldest and youngest kids received complex medical diagnoses that completely transformed our lives, it became evident that the smartest, safest, and even happiest path was for me to quit my six-figure career and become an unpaid caregiver to our boys.
I miss being in the paid workforce
When people learn about my professional background and compare it to what I do now, I get a range of responses — from puzzlement to pity to awe.
In some ways, I do miss being in the paid workforce.
I have very little balance now. My youngest child's care is a 24/7 job, and even with cutting-edge technology to help manage his medical needs, my sleep, mental focus, and self-care time have been permanently disrupted. I do online therapy and take microbreaks to help ward off burnout. I also have a deeply devoted husband who respects my work, talents, and human need for rest and autonomy.
We have to live on one income for the foreseeable future. My partner is a high earner, but sometimes the budget gets tight. To make things work for our family of five, we only own one vehicle, don't own a TV or expensive gadgets, and apply for scholarships for our kids to do extracurricular activities.
I still wouldn't trade my life
Despite the challenges, my life is better now, and I wouldn't trade most of it.
In my current setup, I have almost complete autonomy over how I structure my time. I can schedule medical appointments during the day, host toddler music classes in my front yard, or take a "morning off" by giving my kids crafts and store-bought lunches while I read in bed for a few hours.
I don't answer to a manager, stakeholder, or CEO — as long as I meet my family's needs, I can choose my own adventure. Writing my job description has always been a dream of mine, so I've created a position that focuses on things I value: cooking, quietude, lasting relationships, and a love of reading and storytelling.
Even though I have less time to focus on my health, I see benefits to not sitting at a desk all day, cooking real meals at home, walking my kids to school and activities, and eliminating the stress of office politics and project deadlines.
I recently started wearing a weight vest and I dusted off my running stroller, but to be honest, I get plenty of exercise chasing kids around a three-story house, walking when the family car is in use, and taking care of our outside property. In between, I'm in our bright and airy kitchen, cooking multiple times a day for the many special diets in our family.
We have a slow-carb diet for type 1 diabetes, a higher-carb one for our older kids who are in sports, and something dairy-free and egg-free to cater to allergies. This includes the chance to work around my own needs and preferences. But none of this would be possible if I worked another job five days a week.
People often ask me how I could be fulfilled taking care of kids after doing knowledge work. But I've never done anything so meaningful as meeting my boys' extraordinary needs, helping my kids gain new skills, developing deep relationships with humans who'll be with me for the long haul, and establishing a strong organizational culture in our family.