"How to Burn Books" (Pelican Books)

Scarfolk council was a staunch advocate of biblioclasm. It did not want citizens acquiring unsanctioned knowledge and expected families to regularly scour their cellars, attics and priest holes for prohibited books. Book burnings took place after Sunday Coven on every 3rd Sunday, unless it fell on a Saturday, in which case the following Sunday.

However, in the 1970s, after the inexplicable disappearance of many of Scarfolk's old age pensioners (which, incidentally, coincided with a much-needed boost to the town's flagging sausage industry), the time-honoured method of how to correctly burn a book fell out of common knowledge. No one could remember how to do it because the traditional know-how had not been passed on to them.

The council had no choice but to publish 'How to Burn Books' (1970), which furnished people with the required skills for correct book burning.

Unfortunately, the book- and education-starved populace could not read and attempted, albeit clumsily, to burn all the copies before they had looked at them properly.

Frustrated, the council had no choice but reteach people how to read, or at least well enough for them to be able to read and comprehend the 2nd edition of 'How to Burn Books' (1978). Both editions, including the rare 1st edition, can be seen below.

Field recording: "The Tim Seven" / Birds. Summer 1972

A few posts back we broached the subject of 'The Tim Seven.' 

"Seven tourists visited that summer. Oddly, they were all called Timothy, wore identical clothes and appeared to communicate with each other telepathically. Everyone in Scarfolk called them 'The Tim Seven'.

Three days after they arrived in Scarfolk all the birds disappeared and for months after the Tims left whenever Scarfolk residents tried to use their telephones all they could hear on the other end was distant, frantic backward birdsong."
http://www.scarfolk.blogspot.de/2013/02/scarfolk-tourism-poster-1972.html

Some of you have expressed disbelief that these events actually occurred, which has vexed the mayor. He spent all afternoon rummaging around in the archives in search of one of the reels that were recorded at the time. So, for all you naysayers, here it is. This was recorded on the 4th July, 1972 from one of the council office telephones. This is the raw recording and it has not been tampered with in any way.

Sex. Sex. Sex. 1978

Nobody forgets school sex education lessons. Here's a page from a 1978 biology textbook taught in Scarfolk schools.

Our biology teacher was called Mr. Poppets. In 1975 he and his wife were involved in some kind of cult-related skiing accident. Tragically, his wife was killed and he lost an eye.

Mr. Poppets made a tiny model of his wife which he installed inside a miniature snow globe. The snow globe was then inserted into his eye socket to replace the lost eye.

During lessons he would stand in front of the mirror, lightly shake his head from side to side, and drunkenly mumble the lyrics of Brotherhood of Man's Eurovision hit "Save Your Kisses for Me."*

*For those of you who may have forgotten this heartrending song here it is again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxJyv11qEnc

"A Day at the Seaside" (Scarfolk Music & Audio Library Vol. 1)

Scarfolk Council is proud to announce its musical debut!

Here's "A Day at the Seaside" from the "Scarfolk Music & Audio Library Vol. 1" released in 1973.

Click below on the soundcloud two-channel stereophonic music-centre. No batteries or cables needed. No home taping.