Pearls of Wisdom

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information
and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out
to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good grief,
look how smart I am!"

anonymous

Why Some Men Have Dogs Instead of Wives

Okay, this is sick and wrong....but funny.

Why Men have Dogs And Not Wives:

1 The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2 Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3 Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4 A dog's parents never visit.

5 Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6 You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.


7 Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..


8 Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.


9 A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"


10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. (Didn't like this one)


11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.


12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but certainly not least:


14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Ultimate True Test: Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open the trunk and see who's the happiest to see you.

Balancing Act

What's your secret? For those of you who hold down two jobs--i.e.--authors that have a day job, how do you write and keep your house clean? Since we've been getting our house ready to put on the market, I haven't written in a month. My schedule prior to HGOM: I worked my day job, came home, fed the critters, grabbed something to eat, then headed for the mole hole where I write. On Sundays, I'd make a brief swath through my house with mop and dust cloth as time permitted. But in depth cleaning...nah.

Now I'm ready to start writing again, but since we'll be showing the house that means cleaning has to stay a priority. sigh. Where's a maid when you need one?:)

So, folks how do you do it? How do you juggle those balls? If you have any good suggestions, please share.

Vampire Island Contest

Contest: For a chance to win a PDF of Vampire Island and a Vampire Island mouse pad just leave a comment at downtownya.blogspot.com. The contest runs through August 7. I’ll announce the winner Sunday, August 8.

Blurb

My name is Zoe Tempest. Just let me say, I had no intention of becoming a vampire hunter. My world revolved around the trendiest clothes, the boy of the week, shopping, and texting. My life was as close to perfect as a seventeen year old can get. I had everything. Then my parents were murdered and my world came crashing down.
After their funeral, I went to live with my uncle Julian Kilmer. That’s when everything changed. In a manner more terrifying than anything I could have imagined

Brief Excerpt:

Nerves chased up my spine and settled in my neck. I
reached over my shoulder and massaged my tense
muscles.
As the sun broke over the horizon and streamed in
the kitchen window, Uncle Julian strode from the room.
I drummed my fingers against the wooden butcher
block table, wondering if he was escaping me or the
sunlight. Startled at the direction my thoughts were taking
I straightened. Uncle Julian couldn’t possibly be a
vampire…Could he?

We have ALMOST finished getting the house ready to put on the market. Here's my brother who came over to help.

After Sherry Gloag won a copy of Flower Power she gave me a lovely surprise and reviewed it on her blog.
Thanks, Sherry!



Have a great Sunday.

Blogs Need Facelifts Too

Don't you love my blog's face lift? A huge thank you to good mate, Amarinda Jones for picking it out and setting it up. I love it.

I'm blogging at Roses of Prose today. If you have an opportunity swing by and give a shout.

You think English is Easy

1. The bandage was WOUND around the WOUND.
2. The farm was used to PRODUCE PRODUCE.
3. The dump was so full that it had to REFUSE more REFUSE.
4. We must POLISH the POLISH furniture.
5. He could LEAD if he'd get the LEAD out.
6. The soldier decided to DESERT his dessert in the DESERT.
7. Since there is not time like the PRESENT, he thought it was time to PRESENT the PRESENT.
8. A BASS was painted on the head of the BASS drum.
9. When shot at, the DOVE DOVE into the bushes.
10. I did not OBJECT to the OJBECT.
11. The insurance was INVALID for the INVALID.
12. There was a ROW among the oarsment about how to ROW.
13. They were too CLOSE to the door to CLOSE it.
14. The buck DOES funny things when the DOES are present.
15. A seamstress and a SEWER fell into a SEWER line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his SOW to SOW.
17. The WIND was to strong to WIND the sail.
18. Upon seeing the TEAR in the painting, I shed a TEAR.
19. I had to SUBJECT the SUBJECT to a series of tests.
20. How can I INTIMATE this to my most INTIMATE friend?

Got any to add to the list?

Thanks, Leslie.

I'll be at the Roses of Prose tomorrow. If you have an opportunity, please swing by and say 'hey.'

My Computer Is Possessed

My Computer Is Either:
A) Possessed
B) Been Taken Over By Aliens
C) Has Lost Its Ever Loving Hard Drive Mind
D) Is Dying
E) All Of The Above

The CD Drawer Keeps Opening and Closing On Its Own

Very Woo-Woo

And the winner is.....

Sherry has won a personalized PDF of Flower Power.
Congrats, Sherry.

Diminished Memory

Did you read the article that is linking memory loss to older women who are overweight?

Okay, not buying that one. Yes the older piece fits and the memory loss fits, but if keeping the weight off has helped my memory I shudder to think what I'm going to be like if I gain a few pounds. Probably walking in circles and forgetting what book I'm working on.

Flower Power Contest

Are you an avid gardener? Interested in aromatherapy? Crafts? Edible Flowers? Carnivorous Plants? For a chance to win a personalized PDF copy of Flower Power just leave a comment. The contest will be running from July 5 through July 17th. The winner will be announced the 18th.

Edible Flowers

Edible flowers can be traced back thousands of years. The Romans used violets and roses in their food dishes. Carnation petals were used in a seventeenth-century French liqueur. And dandelions were referred to as bitter herbs in the Old Testament.
Today edible flowers are enticing haute cuisine. In a single sensory moment, flowers can splash our palate with pleasure and turn the ordinary into a sensual extraordinary experience. But before you light the candles and toss rose petals into your pink champagne there are a few basics you need to be familiar with.
If you know it’s been treated with pesticides, don’t eat it.
If you aren’t certain a flower is edible, don’t eat it, even if it’s on your dinner plate as a garnish.
If you are going to be adding flowers to your drinks or food be sure to remove the stamen and pistils.
If you have allergies, check with your doctor before eating flowers.
If you are purchasing flowers to eat, don’t buy them from a florist or a nursery.
If you are buying your edible flowers from a grower make sure the grower knows that you have purchased them for consumption. Or buy from an organic gardener.

If I Were In Charge of the World

We are getting ready to put our house on the market. While we were looking at houses, we ran across a fixer upper built in the 50s with all kinds of wondrous unexpected nooks and crannies, sunroom, master bedroom, all the things I was looking for. We thought we'd make an offer and remodel it. That was before we seriously started cleaning, repairing, painting, and all the necessary things one tends to let go by the wayside until there's no other options but to fix it. Its quenched any desire for a fixer upper, give me new.

Anyway, while cleaning and packing I ran across this...

Ryan's version of If I Were to Change the World, written many years ago...

If I were in charge of the world I'd cancel final assesments, tests and all the boring stuff on T.V.
If I were in charge of the world there would be free world series tickets, more opportunity and vaccines for all diseases
If I were in charge of the world you wouldn't have streets of homelessness, beanie babies, and you wouldn't have newspaper headlines that involved murder
If I were in charge of the world Super Bowl Sunday would become a holiday, chocolate would become a food group and people that play sports and like to build forts would still be allowed to be in charge of the world

If you were in charge of the world, what would you do?

Too funny

This is too funny. If you have an opportunity take a gander..............

Flowers

Are you an avid gardener? Interested in aromatherapy? Crafts? Edible Flowers? Carnivorous Plants? For a chance to win a personalized copy of Flower Power just leave a comment. The contest will be running from July 5 through July 17th. The winner will be announced the 18th.


Fragrant Garden

Is there anything more sensual than a scented garden? There are so many flowers to choose from.

When I smell lavender, I close my eyes, and I’m carried to far-off hills in a simpler time and place where the sun is shining, the sky is blue and the clouds are fluffy and white.
How about a chocolate-scented daisy? Yum. This daisy is yellow with red stripes on the under side of the petals and chocolate-colored stamens.
Or chocolate-scented geraniums? These flowers have deep green, large fuzzy leaves that produce the scent. The scented geraniums are grown more for their scent than their floral appeal.
Orange-scented geraniums have large leaves that smell like mandarin oranges.
Coconut-scented geraniums are vine-like and have a pina colada fragrance. You may want to get a small attractive trellis for this particular geranium. It can also be used in topiaries.
Damask roses are considered “old roses”, known for their wonderful fragrance.
Honeysuckles are vines and shrubs with sweet-smelling flowers. The flowers have edible nectar. But beware, the berries are poisonous.
Jasmine is a climbing vine with white waxy flowers that have a very sweet scent. They bloom at night so they will do equally well in your night garden. The flowers are used to make tea. Some people believe that drinking jasmine tea daily will prevent certain cancers.
Lilac bushes bloom for a few weeks in the spring. Their wonderful fragrance carries for quite a distance. Since this is a bush, you will want to place it accordingly, perhaps at a corner of your garden. What could be better at reviving your spirit than a cup of jasmine tea and a whiff of lilac?
Nicotiana is also called flowering tobacco. This fragrant plant is easy to grow. It starts blooming in early summer. The flowers open in late afternoon. As previously mentioned, it’s also a good flower for attracting hummingbirds.
Peppermint or spearmint are perennial herbs that spread easily. They grow to two feet tall. These plants spread by runners and can become invasive to your garden if not contained.
Pineapple sage has a unique fragrance. Some people think this red-flowered perennial smells more like a martini than pineapple.
While rosemary is actually an herb, it has a wonderfully tart scent.

Happy Fourth of July

Shame, Shame

I don't often blog-vent, but I'm going to today.
Most of my adult life, I've considered myself an Independent. If I felt the republicans had the best candidate, that's who I voted for. If the democrats, I voted democratic. But the chasm between republicans and democrats has gotten so wide its almost impossible to bridge.
How can any compassionate American vote against extending unemployment when a million of our own are without jobs? Is it because they have jobs of their own and have so far distanced themselves from those who can no longer pay their bills, they no longer empathize? They say they don't want to leave more debt for our children, but how about worrying about feeding those same children and keeping a roof over their heads.
Yes, millions of dollars have been wasted.

It infuriates me that my hard-earned tax dollars have been squandered on bonuses for fat cat CEOs that helped put us in the mess we are in. But I hardly see that as an excuse for not taking care of the hard working Americans that faithfully pay their taxes and have lost their jobs through no fault of their own.
Let's forget party lines and try to remember we're all Americans.