12 Years a Slave
Todd Gaines

Review by Todd Gaines Patron

12 Years a Slave 2013

★★★★ Liked

Watched 07 Mar 2014

The story of Solomon and his 12 years of mother fucking Hell. Slogging the fuck away on a fuckin' cutting gang. A violin. Square fuckin' dancing. A chance gig. One too many libations. Waking up to a fuckin' nightmare. A Georgia runaway. Proper clothes. A little-ole boat ride. Never show your true colors. A Boardwalk badass takes a swim. Lucky-ass Clemens. There's always a story in a flashback. A sideways asshole. A fuckin'-horrid-human-auction. Master Sherlock. Cool-as-fuck Native-Americans. A keg of nails. 2013, the year Paul Dano gets the holy-fuckin'-shit beat out of him in the two most intense films of the year. A noose. A Biblical plague. Fuckin' cotton. The Queen of the fields. The Fass and Steve McQueen should make 1000 films together. Pretty dolls. Fuckin' lynchings. A tea-party. Sweet Patsey's request. You can always use a fiddle in the band. Solomon's back. A letter. Never trust a drunk. It's all a lie. Roll, Jordan, roll. The way Brad talks. Stinking so bad you make yourself gag. Take a beating; win an Oscar. Freedom is everything. Having no fuckin' doubt who you are. A reunion 12 fuckin' years in the making. Badass cinematography. The opening scene is brilliant. If it wasn't for Gravity, this film probably would have won some technical Oscars. The Fass is fuckin' brilliant. As much as I like Leto, I would've voted for Fass. Is this the best film of 2013? I'm not sure. But it's intense-as-fuck and worthy of your attention.

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