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Sonic the Hedgehog 3 2024
This has Keanu as the world's hottest hedgehog, Idris Elba having an absolute ball in the booth & a dual bisexual Jim Carrey dance number/lowkey Ocean's Twelve homage set to The Chemical Brothers. Of course I fuck with this heavy.
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Sonic the Hedgehog 2020
Irreverent, cliché & gleefully libertarian. There are worse ways to spend an afternoon. His dialogue can be obnoxious but Ben Schwartz just (I can't believe I'm about to write this) gets Sonic. Let alone Jim Carrey in (I can't believe I'm about to write this either) a career-defining performance.
Wild how the Keanu x Speed bit toward the beginning has panned out into an unintentional long-haul metatextual gag.
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The Substance 2024
Seconds, Society & Tetsuo for adults who enjoy the taste of Gerber. Yet another sigh-inducing example of the ready-made "wait to see what happens" elevated horror that pretends it has anything to say beyond its head-thuddingly obvious premise. I'm here for deranged Demi Moore & the occasionally inspired use of lens distortion but good lord remember when a so-called "exploitation film" wasn't 2.5 hours long? Made me want to rewatch The Neon Demon, so there's that at least. Empty movie for empty-headed people.
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