Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning
Matt!

Review by Matt! Pro

Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning 2023

★★★★

Watched Jul 13, 2023

Yeah, Spielberg said Top Gun: Maverick might’ve saved the entire theatrical industry, but Tom Cruise’s 1980s cinema revival campaign will not be satisfied by Miles Teller’s porn stache flying a fuckin’ puddle jumper—so instead, the guy just turned a Mission: Impossible movie into an anti-A.I. propaganda legacy sequel for WarGames. Unrelated: Matthew Broderick was recently seen punching air while driving his Subaru Outback in rush hour traffic.

Nothing left to say about these movies. Somehow the seventh installment of a stunt-heavy action franchise manages to provide maybe the most terrifyingly realistic depiction of cyber warfare ever put to screen, which means I’m once again going to have to try to catch my wife in a really good mood so I can subtly lobby with her for us to live off-grid in an underground bunker. Another day, another death/age/time-defying outing for TC, and yet another reluctant step that I take towards believing Scientology might actually be real. A 163-minute “Part 1” without a cliffhanger is a bit of a kick in the nads and a couple of the bigger chase scenes are too drawn out, but luckily the murderer’s row of Hayley Atwell, Rebecca Ferguson, Pom Klementieff, and Vanessa Kirby is there to help ease the pain—plus we get some legit espionage thriller moments as the series takes a turn back towards its De Palma roots. All in all though, there’s still a severe lack of mustachioed, dual-fist-cocking Henry Cavill. 

Siri, search ‘can technology be trusted’.
“I’m sorry, your microphone is turned off.”

2023 Rankings
Best of: Espionage Thrillers

EDIT: everyone’s out here saying the dialogue’s complete shit, but man, I really did not notice anything out of the ordinary. Endless Dutch angles (sure, ok), lots of repetitive A.I. exposition dumps (whatever), lots of “what does the key do??” when we the audience already know (yeah, fine), but like when did this franchise ever hinge on prestige screenwriting? We’re here to see a 60-year-old man haul ass across a rooftop, guys.

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