• Conclave

    Conclave

    ★★★★★

    Such a rewarding and riveting watch.

    Don't let the subject matter deter you from it, because Edward Berger has a crafted a thriller unlike you've seen before, that's superbly paced, intellectual, and very urgent for our times. Who knew that the chess-playing political intrigue and power-grabbing rashness within the walls of the Catholic Church would make for such essential filmmaking?

    Ralph Fiennes is in terrfic form in one of his best roles, and Isabella Rossellini's steely, steadfast commitment to her performance is beautifully underplayed yet utterly scene-stealing.

    Sterling cinema.

  • Ghostbusters: Afterlife

    Ghostbusters: Afterlife

    ★★★

    I don't know how relevant this franchise still is but in the meantime, I actually really enjoyed Jason Reitman's reboot of his father's beloved 80's spooky iconic gem.

    Whilst it heavily relies on nostalgia, Afterlife bursts with imagination, heart, and humour with a terrfic cast in tow, and especially strong performances from the younger actors.

    Though, Paul Rudd is no Rick Moranis.

  • The Monkey

    The Monkey

    ★★★★

    Everyone dies and that's fucked up.

    Yes, it is, and also fucking hilarious.

    Ridiculously macabre and good fun. Osgood Perkins signature black humour meets lashing of spectacular gore in a tale of toxic family, father absenteeism, the inevitably of death, and a homicidal wooden monkey. It will all make sense by the end.

    Yes, Perkins struggles to stretch Stephen King'a short story narrative over a full-feature running time, but he orchestrates the demented shenanigans so brilliantly you don't really care.…

  • Kinda Pregnant

    Kinda Pregnant

    ½

    Amy Schumer is a terrorist not just against the craft of comedy, but the very fabric of the filmmaking process itself.

    Kinda Pregnant (!) is a gross, creepy, depressingly unfunny, and a horribly smug 97 minutes.

    So bad, you could class it as a crime against humanity.

  • The Day the Earth Stood Still

    The Day the Earth Stood Still

    ★★

    I only watched this because I slogged through The Gorge but, fuck me, not remembering how bad it was seeing it the cinema all those years ago - this is fucking awful.

    Completely stripped of the allegories and political substance of the 1951 original - all that's left is a snoozefest of utterly boring performances, hollow storytelling, and bad green-screen and blurry CGI action setpieces.

    It avoids one-star city thanks to a somewhat interesting first 15 minutes and a cameo appearance by John Cleese, but Will Smith's son deserved a dropkick to the fucking head.

  • The Gorge

    The Gorge

    A steaming pile of boring shit.

    The lead performances are wooden, the creature design is shite and the CGI even worse. The plot sounds like it was written on the back of a post-it note, and the action is utterly devoid of tension or excitement.

    The most horrifying part of the film is that it was hacked together by the usually reliable Scott Derrickson.

  • Heart Eyes

    Heart Eyes

    ★★★½

    It gets the job done.

    The balance of rom-com-cum-slasher works effectively well. Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding are particularly great, bringing charisma by the bucket load. The humour stings when needed and it smartly subverts the rom-com and horror thropes, and the splatter is satisfying.

    Director Josh Ruben has crafted a nifty slasher flick that's well-paced, smart, and at times very well shot. You can tell he had a blast making it, his enthusiasm translates on screen. It's only real…

  • Blue Road: The Edna O'Brien Story

    Blue Road: The Edna O'Brien Story

    ★★★★★

    Few have lived a life like Edna O'Brien and it's beautifully chronicled in Sinead O'Shea's intelligent, generous, and lovingly crafted documentary.

    A total treat for those who know the name but also those who are unaware of one of the greatest literature minds of the 20th century, and Blue Road is one of the best cinematic biographies I've seen in years.

  • The Mummy Returns

    The Mummy Returns

    ★★★★

    Love this as much as its predecessor.

    Stephen Sommers directs with such gleeful energy and masterminds terrific setpieces - the mummy chase through London is an absolute doozy as is the pygmy zombies scene - he just knows how to deliver a solid crowd pleaser.

    The plot doesn't make one ounce of damn sense and that shitey CGI The Rock-cum-Scorpion-monster thingy is awful looking, but rest of the cast are cleanly having an absolute blast. The silly humour is charming and charisma between Fraser and Weisz is still magic.

    Why isn't Sommers still making movies?

  • The Mummy

    The Mummy

    ★★★★

    I absolutely adore this film.

    Stephen Sommers directs this blockbuster with such gleeful energy that it's impossible not to be swept up in it all. Terrifically designed and paced with a bit of old school period charm.

    The CGI hasn't aged so well and the dialogue creaks, but the charisma between Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz is so damn charming that all your negative critiques about the film just melt away.

    It's a type of cheesy blockbuster we just don't see anymore.

  • Resident Evil: Extinction

    Resident Evil: Extinction

    ★★★½

    The best of the entire franchise thanks to director Russell Mulcahy being brought on board.

    He gives the story a vast scope despite the shitey script, expensive looking visuals, and plenty of zombie action. It's still utter nonsense but he delivers the thrills and Jovovich is as reliable as ever.

    Whatever happened to Ashanti, though?

  • Resident Evil: Apocalypse

    Resident Evil: Apocalypse

    ★★★

    It's so damn amateurish but Milla Jovovich is so fucking badass you totally buy into every second of this nonsense.

    The zombie school children were a nich touch and Jeff Danna's score in the final scene is fucking sweet.

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