The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Recap: Laverne & Shirley & Ali Baba

It’s the last leg of the Milwaukee trip and the last opportunity for Whitney to host a drag night at Trixie Mattel’s bar. In Palm Springs, when Meredith got the women together at Trixie’s motel last season, we got to see the women interact with Trixie and Lisa have a meltdown because she could not do her own makeup. If you are waiting for this episode to feature anything to do with Drag Night or to see another funny meltdown, you will be disappointed.

In lieu of that, these two Milwaukee episodes were more or less a continuation of the arguments we have seen thus far this season. I went in with hopes that we’d see some new dynamics forming, and while I have been a bit over these ongoing arguments, I do think we have seen a tiny bit of what we should expect for this season’s relationships — mainly how these women plan on avoid dealing with their fundamental communication issues while still trying to remain close.

The episode begins with a sitcom-style opening sequence as an homage to Laverne and Shirley, a dynamic Heather and Whitney are trying to make us believe they share. It feels a bit forced, but I will get into that later. During the “getting ready” portion of this episode, when Whitney asks Mary what tool she’s using for her hair, and Mary is like, “It’s a straightening comb —  a black girl thing,” I love seeing Whitney’s classic “listening and learning” type reaction. I love it when these two get along because Mary will never respect Whitney, even when she is being kind to her. Whitney tries to compliment Mary by saying she looks beautiful in purple, only for Mary to correct her that it’s lilac she’s wearing. She will always be Mary’s “little girl.”

Meredith and Lisa do not seem nearly as close as they once were, but much like Whitney and Heather, they are hanging onto what they once had. There was a time when this show first began where I couldn’t tell them apart, and although the gulf between them seems to be closing, their intimacy feels more like it’s based on trying to prove they still feel loyalty towards one another. This is why Meredith tells Lisa about how Angie and Whitney told her that, based on their most recent conflicts with Lisa, Meredith should reconsider trusting her.

My God, what a truly stupid move from Angie and Whitney. Meredith hates them both and likely will never see them as equals, which I think is the basis of her dislike toward them. Why give her that ammo, which will clearly further Lisa’s crusade against them? Totally idiotic! What could they have possibly thought would happen? Of course, it makes total sense that the drama from the previous night got Lisa to abandon Whitney’s plan to visit the Miller brewery caves and take along the two most random people imaginable (Meili and Britani). The muted joy in Lisa’s eyes as she calmly tells Whitney she has other plans is delightful. She doesn’t provide an answer when Whitney asks why she is abandoning the planned activity, but the conversation ends with the promise of further confrontation. This is a move also to show Angie and Bronwyn she does not need them, even if just the night before, Meili confronted her for talking shit about her Nordstrom returning habit.

Heather gives Whitney their Laverne and Shirley–style cardigans while still not talking to Whitney about the rumors of her jewelry designs being stolen from Ali Baba, and it all just feels so fake. But with this gesture, she knows she has to say something eventually. Heather is treating this rumor like it’s information Whitney needs to know for the sake of her business in her confessionals, but if these rumors appeared on social media for Meredith to see, then, of course, Whitney has likely seen them. Why treat it like secret and big information and not just bring it up days ago as though she saw them as well? Heather really cannot operate in a sane way, even for such small issues.

Talking about it in the sprinter, Whitney finally comes to the conclusion that Lisa ditched the brewery experience because Meredith told her all about the conversation she had with Whitney and Angie. Like, DUH. Meredith being silent until Whitney connected the dots frustrates me; she talks such a big game about how she feels towards Whitney, so why not just tell her straight up?

There is zero vibe on the curling excursion with Lisa, Meili, and Britani. Lisa does not care about these women; she uses them as pawns in her greater goal for this season, which I believe is to prove she is the leader of the group. Meili is simply not interesting, and so far, the only information we have about Britani is that she is in a situationship with Osmond. One thing I will say about Britani and her relationship is that I will always pause and read those texts because I cannot believe she would allow herself to be embarrassed on television this way. He triple texts her saying shit like, “BFF, where are you?” and also sends her a paragraph in which he ends their friendship. Get your ASS UP, Britani, and have some self-respect; I am begging you. If this happened to one of my friends while we were in high school, I would have lost respect long ago. I couldn’t imagine witnessing a fully grown adult receive this text from a man.

Over at the beer caves, Heather is finally able to bring up the Ali Baba situation with Whitney, and as predicted, Whitney has already heard these rumors. In what feels like a flashback to last season, she tells Heather that her business partner wondered whether a “friend” was the one leaking that information. Here’s the thing, I don’t think it would be unbelievable that Whitney’s jewelry is ripped off from Ali Baba designs; this is a Housewives business we’re talking about. But I do agree with Whitney’s point that it would be messy as hell for Meredith to get involved in social-media rumors after last year’s drama — she did not learn any lessons.

While promising not to bring this up on their sprinter journey to their accommodations, Whitney does bring it all up in their limo/bus hybrid ride to the Harley Davidson museum. By this point in the day, Meredith is slurring her defense to Whitney, which does not hold up. It makes almost zero sense to pretend there’s any reason to hold onto this information other than the fact that she just does not like Whitney.

Instead, Meredith defends herself by saying she was not the one who came up with these rumors, that she only heard them and felt like telling Heather so that Whitney could defend herself. This is a far cry from the previous episode, where she took this rumor as an affront to honest businesswomen everywhere. I don’t know what Meredith wants the outcome of this to be, but I guess she just wants Whitney to understand that Meredith is the real businesswoman of the group, and that Whitney is cosplaying as one.

Once they get to the museum, Bronwyn’s confessional points out how crazy these women are with one another. They blow up on their way to their destination, but once they get into the museum, it’s like nothing happened at all. This peace lasts only until dinner when we see another exhausting argument.

Look, I love it when these women go off, but we need more juice at this point. These circular arguments are dragging, and there’s no end in sight. I don’t want to hear how little Lisa cares about what Angie does when it is so clear she feels threatened that Angie does not need her anymore. As an audience, we’ve seen Angie become a fan favorite, and I think Lisa knows this. Angie came on as Lisa’s friend and is no longer tethered to her in the same way, and Lisa cannot handle their friendship changing. Ultimately, Lisa does not want to lose Angie, but of course she cannot help but show this without seeming extremely controlling — and it’s clear Angie is at the end of her rope. These women are being so annoying about their beef that Mary, of all people, has to be the one to attempt to bring peace. It is not convincing, but it is surprising. And it gives way for Britani to make an announcement about her non-relationship once again (this time, it is ending) and to see one more argument between Britani and Bronwyn.

Have these two ever interacted in a way that was not hostile? It is a bit harsh of Bronwyn to ask Britani if she likes Jared because he’s an Osmond, but it is a valid question. She has not said one good thing about him, and he’s not shown an ounce of care toward her. Although I do not want to hear about her stupid texts from him again, I like that she goes straight to the jugular with Bronwyn by asking her if she only got with her elderly husband for money.

Bronwyn is clearly offended and declares they really love each other and that she was independently wealthy before meeting Todd. Somehow, she thinks that not having a prenup proves this. From my regular-person perspective, I am of the mind that a prenup has nothing to do with how much you love someone and is probably just a good thing to consider if you’re superrich.

Once again, we have another dinner fight with no real conclusion because the women have to go to Whitney’s Drag Night, something we see for two minutes. This episode has been more or less the same as last week’s, which is disappointing. But, hopefully, going back to Salt Lake City and having time to think about their time in Milwaukee will give them all the space to understand what they’re actually all mad about. With no big central conflict, it’s hard to see what exactly will happen with these women, but I have hope.