The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Recap: Where There’s Salt, There’s Fire

Last week, I was disappointed that the last few weeks were spent watching these women rehash the same nonissues in every episode with no resolution or forward direction. I feared this season would be without a major central conflict to bind them. I can only hear about bath bombs so much! Thankfully, this episode feels as fresh as the powder on Utah’s beautiful mountains and gives me hope that this won’t be a stale season.

Firstly, I’m glad this is not a Meredith-central episode. She does not have the juice this season. While I’m sure the Bat Mitzvah episode will be fun, it feels like this will be the main thing happening with her this season. Frankly, I’m happy she isn’t involved in the Alibaba drama this week; her work there is done.

Instead, the episode opens with a real and heavy conversation between Lisa and Bronwyn. I don’t want to hear more about their loyalty beef any longer, and it was starting to make me wonder if their friendship was deep at all. But the conversation about Bronwyn’s daughter’s biological father revealed a level of compassion between them, explaining why they consider themselves tight. Lisa has moved past her own shit with Bronwyn enough to be supportive in this situation. It is absolutely crazy she knows the family of her friend’s estranged baby daddy! Utah must be really small.

In previous episodes, Bronwyn has spoken about her teen pregnancy, but the full story made me see her as more than just a new housewife trying to prove she can kick it with the big dogs. She spoke of that time in her life with much clarity, and I found her subsequent conversation with Gwen about it moving. It’s also good to have context for why she feels so proud and protective of her current marriage and the life she built for herself. I’m always glad when we can really understand where a housewife is coming from during conflicts, which is why Britani so confounds me.

While skiing with Whitney and Heather, we find out Britani gets flowers and a card from Jared about their non-relationship’s not actual breakup. I need this woman to go through some kind of self-esteem bootcamp. It’s obvious the ladies are growing tired of hearing about it, though they remain polite. I wondered when Britani would blame one of the women for her relationship imploding, and I figured it would be Lisa, who has been the most bold in her disgust with Jared. As we remember, Britani was fully okay with Lisa texting Jared! You cannot blame her for this; I’m sorry, honey.

Of course, this brings us to Whitney piggybacking and talking about Lisa, who, despite being loud, can hurt people in silence. Leaving that ugly necklace in the hotel room was so mean and funny. But what is confusing is that when bringing up the Alibaba rumor, why did Heather never mention it was Lisa who had told Meredith about the posts? That was information Whitney should have had months ago.

Heather is really pissing me off this season; there’s nothing narratively going on with her, and so she is stirring the pot. Which of course, is great drama, but difficult when her whole thing is being all, “I tell it like it is because I am honest and self-righteous.” She is dining out on being a hero from last season’s reveal, but it will only last for so long. As we find out later, when Whitney is talking to her vague acquaintance, who is a podcaster, it turns out Lisa may have likely planted the story! Heather has been weirdly so pro-Lisa this season, it’s a bit baffling to me. However, it also shows that her detective work is not really about justice but about what serves her.

Are we learning that perhaps the key to Mary having fun on this show was Robert Sr. not wanting to participate? She mentioned on Watch What Happens Live that he did not film because he had a grudge against production, which means we are seeing more of Robert Jr. I have never seen such a stoner in my life. My GOD! This guy cannot even keep his eyes open; he’s just popping out of his room and into the show to ask his mom to send him small amounts of money that are usually exactly what weed costs.

I am thrilled we saw Mary do two different activities in this episode. Angie picking her up and saying, “Your charity awaits!” is my favorite moment of the episode, and watching Mary “dance” is weirdly endearing. It’s fascinating to watch Mary receive information; she is just a vessel sometimes and has no opinion, which is valid.

Back with Lisa and Heather. Anyone who has also watched The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is already familiar with the salt room they are hanging out in. I know most wellness stuff is bullshit, but this one is not even pretending to make sense. “Being around salt gives a negative ion healing effect,” is not a thing that is real. If anything, it proves how much this room is bullshit. Watching Heather once again make a conflict she is not involved in far worse just proves the room has no healing effects whatsoever.

Heather is really insane for telling Lisa what Angie said about her parenting. Still, the most interesting thing is how, once again, Heather hears something that upsets her about a friend, and she says nothing to counter it. Also, Lisa was so upset with Angie for telling Whitney that she was upset with her because it proved Angie was shady, but Heather is now doing the same thing, the only difference being that it benefits Lisa, so it’s fine? I can’t wait to see what happens when Whitney tells Lisa how Heather said she informed Meredith of the Alibaba rumor.

Moving onto Britani, as sick as I’ve been hearing her talking about Jared — I am glad we finally saw him in action. These two are meant to be together because they are equally stupid but in different ways. This conversation is like watching two 12-year-olds discuss their relationship. Britani is especially delusional about this, because she is very clearly able to list the ways Jared is not there for her, but somehow her blame falls on Lisa?

Of course, she gets to tell Lisa this during their zip-lining adventure. At first, I thought, what a random crew — Lisa, Heather, Britani, and Mary? It turns out that Mary is a total fiend for zip-lining and is at peace doing this activity. I love her in this episode, and I love her even more because she is the ONLY person who has been able to call out Heather and Lisa properly.

I was scared that their tailgating conversation would once again be about Britani and Jared, and while Britani thought she ate with blaming everyone, she said she wasn’t going to talk about Jared to them anymore, which comes as a palpable relief to everyone, myself included.

When Mary asked Lisa very simply why she had not contacted Angie about what she had said, I knew that we were in for something good because Heather chimed in, not knowing she would be questioned next. Finally, someone pointed out that all roads lead to Heather with this season’s drama.

I’m glad the black eye is being brought up in a way that poses real questions about how Heather positions herself in this group. She has a lot to answer for, and I hope Mary isn’t the only person who starts asking the right questions this season.