Online Scams Can Have Serious Mental Fallout. Here’s How to Deal (And Heal!)

You'd be correct if it feels like online scams are EVERYWHERE these days. And when the fraudsters manage to con you (it can happen to anyone) the emotional fallout can be devastating.

According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), one in four Americans reported losing money to scams last year, amounting to a staggering $10 billion. Those numbers will likely be much higher when you consider cases that have gone unreported. The risk is practically inescapable.

While the financial toll of scams gets the most attention, the damage goes beyond pinched wallets and broken pride. “Many people underestimate how much a scam can affect one's mental health unless they have experienced it firsthand,” says Holly Schiff, PsyD. “It’s also harder to quantify emotional distress versus financial loss,” she notes.

It Can Happen to You

Take this story from Texas retiree Leonid Shteyn. It started as an innocuous call from a saleswoman. When Shteyn answered his phone the day before Thanksgiving, he had no idea his life was about to change forever. 

The caller offered an opportunity to invest in cryptocurrency trading. Shteyn, a savvy businessman who immigrated from the Soviet Union decades ago, did his due diligence. Everything looked legit and above board. One of his friends was also their client. Shortly after, Shteyn opened an account with the company and deposited $250.

What began as a small, carefully considered investment to pad his nest egg spiraled into a labyrinth of financial smokescreens. At one point, Shteyn was asked to wire money to a Bank of America account to buy bitcoins, which he then used to pay off a line of credit he took out on their advice. “I would never make such payments to any other bank less reputable than Bank of America,” says Shteyn. “Not in my wildest dream would I have thought Bank of America would allow scammers to open and keep fraudulent accounts active,” he adds. 

By the time he caught on, Shteyn had lost over $250,000, nearly all of his life savings. 

“There are no words I can use to describe my state of mind,” says Shteyn. “You do not expect to question your own sanity. It felt like life was over,” he shares.

How Scams Typically Work

In a case like Shteyn's, the attackers first connect with potential targets through fake social media profiles, texts, or calls. They often spend weeks or even months building the relationship until trust is established—thereby making you believe that the situation (whether a crisis, an opportunity, or a relationship) is genuine.

Another widespread way people are scammed is via fraudsters impersonating an authority that is calling to tell you something is amiss with one of your accounts. This could be someone pretending to be your bank, from the social security agency, from a hospital, etc. They prey on your concerns about the security of your accounts and get you to provide them with important personal information that they then use to steal from you.

“In psychology, we call this ‘confirmation bias.’ The victim is trapped so deeply in the confidence scheme that they convince themselves it is true,” explains Eric O’Neill, former FBI operative and cybersecurity expert.

Coping Strategies For Healing and Recovery

When you first realize you’ve been deceived, the profound shock can manifest as disbelief or denial of what has happened. The sudden realization can also make you feel disoriented, temporarily impairing your ability to think clearly. 

In order to cope, it’s important to first acknowledge and accept your feelings. “Denying or suppressing these emotions can make them worse,” notes Dr. Schiff.

Also, consider these self-care strategies to help heal and recover from the aftermath of a scam:

• Don't blame yourself: No matter what anyone says, do not blame yourself for what happened. Scammers are highly manipulative and have been using increasingly sophisticated tactics to target people. It’s not just fugitive Nigerian princes asking to wire money anymore. Even if you think there’s something you could have done differently, go easy on yourself. “It’s important to forgive yourself for any mistakes you might have made along the way,” says Galligher. 
• Focus on what you can control: You can’t control the fact that you were deceived, but you can control how you respond to the situation. “Focusing on what you can control can help you feel more empowered and proactive while reducing your stress and anxiety,” says Dr. Schiff. You can also control how you can better protect yourself in the future. 
• Try cognitive restructuring: Cognitive restructuring techniques help you identify negative, illogical thoughts (cognitive distortions) and modify or replace them with more helpful ones to reduce stress and anxiety. These include Socratic questioning, guided imagery, thought records, etc.
• Install speed bumps: Galligher suggests putting up mental speed bumps or guardrails for more considered decision-making. For example, saying “no” to situations that require you to “act now.” She also suggests asking a loved one to discuss situations like this together before making financial decisions above a certain threshold. 
• Connect with others: “Establishing a strong support system is important,” says Sanam Hafeez, PsyD. She suggests reaching out to a loved one or joining a support group where you can talk about your feelings openly and honestly with others who have similar lived experiences.
• Don’t rush to trust: To rebuild trust, Dr. Hafeez recommends taking small, incremental steps. For example, establish clear boundaries and take your time before re-engaging in social interactions.
• Prioritize self-care: Stress is as physical as it is emotional. Taking care of your body and mind, especially during challenging times, acts as a buffer against life’s stressors, making it easier to cope, Dr. Schiff explains. So get proper rest, go for walks, eat balanced meals, and stay hydrated. And if it all feels too overwhelming right now, just take slow, deep breaths. You’ve got this.  
• Be patient with yourself: Emotional healing is not a linear process. Instead, it’s an ongoing journey with highs and lows. There will be days when you make great progress, just like there will be days when you experience setbacks and slip-ups. So be patient and kind to yourself and embrace both.
• Seek professional support: If heightened feelings of anxiety, anger, guilt, or shame are making it difficult to function or make healthy decisions, consider speaking with a therapist, Galligher advises. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is especially useful for managing symptoms of anxiety and PTSD, reframing negative thoughts, and developing effective coping mechanisms, says Dr. Hafeez.

Lastly, remember it’s normal to feel what you are feeling after experiencing a scam. You’re not alone.