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Santa’s drone armada is causing some drama
Dec. 24, 2024 6:03 am
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Some years, I offer up a little satire around Christmas. Well this is one of those years, by no popular demand whatsoever.
I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays. Or provides wrapping for one of the seven fishes. Or it helps light your Yule log.
Now presenting for the first and last time, “The Drones Before Christmas.“
‘Twas the month before Christmas and up through the sky
Santa tested his drones. They all flew so high.
His sleigh is too small to haul Christmastime freight.
Magical reindeer are straining under the weight.
PETA complained about their well-being
Inhumane treatment is what they were seeing.
His reindeer all vowed to get organized
“You’ll meet our demands if you still want a ride.”
Santa looked into drones and found them quite agile
They’d haul many gifts, both heavy and fragile!
Night after night, Santa sent drones to the air
Their blinking red lights let him know they were there.
They soared and dove. Santa dug them the most.
He practiced for weeks far above our East Coast.
This armada would please his militant deer.
Lighten their load and lessen their fear.
Meanwhile, in Jersey, people saw the strange lights
What was the source of these clandestine flights?
Away to their windows they flew like a rocket
And reached for the iPhones kept in their pockets.
They aimed their cameras at the lights in the sky
They posted on X “We’re all going to die.”
Many lost it as drones whirred overhead
Emotional support pets hid under the bed.
Santa’s drone fleet slowly grew bigger.
But anxiety rose and people felt triggered.
Our leaders, they struggled to look for a cause
With nothing to say, they guessed “Santa Claus?”
A woman in Congress said shoot them all down
Just use your big shotguns to protect all your towns.
On Fox News a host screamed, “It’s an invasion!”
He said it would lead to the end of our nation.
Santa was shocked by this cable news fury.
He’d better call NORAD and call in a hurry.
“’Twas I who flew drones and caused so much grief.”
From the Pentagon came a big sigh of relief.
The top brass told Santa to ground all his drones
The children won’t sleep with them over their homes.
Santa told of his sleigh’s inadequate haul.
So many houses, so much urban sprawl.
But Pentagon folks were firm in their orders;
Shoot down unknown craft crossing our borders.
His too-heavy sleigh would sit like a duck
Against U.S. missiles he’d run out of luck.
An orange-haired man was loud and defiant
“You are not welcome here, you fat, dumpy migrant.”
He spoke some bad words, but went back to his work
Jammed gifts in his sleigh, then turned with a jerk.
He clambered aboard, to his team gave whistle
With grunts and with groans, they pulled his fat missile.
PETA was outraged and penned a strong letter.
Santa gave them all cats to make them feel better.
His sleigh plunged and dipped as it started to lurch
Santa wished he had spent more time in a church.
His sleigh was so hefty it was too much to manage.
He left many homes with major roof damage.
We heard him exclaim as he fought through his trip
“They were just little drones, next year get a grip.”
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