12 Novembers ago I walked my doing stuff self into a meditation studio. I'd been wanting to try meditation forever but I had been busy doing stuff that required I keep my eyes open.
I didn't know how good I was going to be at it. I mean, meditation is sitting. Quietly. With your eyes closed. Which makes using power tools more dangerous than usual. So even though I really wanted to be the kind of person who could meditate, I just wasn't sure that was me. I'm a doer, not a snoozer.
That's what's known as irony. The fact that the person who most needs meditation is the least likely to not laugh at someone who does it.
I do stuff. It's what I do. It's what I'm compelled to do.
I think it's because of the tiny little workmen and chefs and inventors using my veins as a slip and slide. It's true. I had an X-Ray.
It's in my DNA.
That cold, rainy Sunday night in 2012 I hauled myself to a local Moksha Yoga studio to take my thinking cap off.
As it turned out I was a natural. And I've been meditating off and on ever since.
When I originally told people I learned to meditate the reaction was split 50/50.
"Um. Really? You?"
The ones who didn't say that, said,
"I want to learn to meditate.".
The were a few straggling comments that revolved around magic mushrooms and farting in class.
That first class lasted 60 minutes and it was geared towards people who had never meditated before. I learned more than a few things in that hour.
For one, I learned that meditation isn't anything magical or difficult. You do not have to wear harem pants while doing it and ... you do not have to say ohmmmmm. Or anything at all.
What does Meditation Feel Like?
That bizarro state, just before you fall asleep when you're neither awake or asleep? It's kind of like that.
What is Meditation
This is the best explanation I have:
Meditation is basically the space in between thoughts.
You close your eyes, calm yourself the hell down, and then the thoughts will come fast and furious at you. It'll be like flying through the galaxy in Star Wars with thought after thought after thought.
Push the thoughts away. They're relentless. They're assheads really. Just keep sweeping them away.
The thoughts will slow down eventually and pushing them away will become easier. You're doing it. You're thinking of noth... , shit. Start again.
That is how you meditate.
The better you get at meditating the longer the space in between your thoughts become.
Meditation is the practice of extending that time. The more you practice the longer and longer you'll be able to go without thoughts.
The same way a room, or garden needs negative space, so does your mind. That's my own analogy which I'm pretty impressed with. Meditation has also filled me with humility.
My first meditation was a guided meditation, which is how most people start. The instructor sat at the front of the yoga studio before a scattered group of men & women crossing their legs with varying degrees of success.
She gave a quick explanation of what meditation is and then started to talk us through it.
She talked me right into a semi-solid state.
Imagine you're a marshmallow with feet.
That's the feeling of meditation.
There was a brief worry I had meditated away all of my thoughts. I'd never be able to brag to anyone about remembering my high school locker combination again.
I snapped out of it and made my way home feeling pretty good about the whole thing.
I graduated to Transcendental meditation about a year after I started meditating because the fella I was living with at the time really wanted to do TM because - God help me - Howard Stern did it.
The fella is long gone, Howard Stern has admitted to being a tool for most of his career and I'm still meditating so I can go at least 30 seconds a day without thinking about how I think skunks have moved under my front porch again.
You don't have to be woowoo, you don't have to cross your legs, you just have to sit, close your eyes and every time you think of something push it away. Keep doing that. The longer you do it, the more you're practicing and the easier meditating and getting to that place of no thoughts will be.
Right now, as you heads towards the holidays and stress starts crackling through you, try meditating for 5 minutes. There are many meditation apps and Youtube videos. Once you learn how to meditate you'll be able to do it on your own with no need for any guidance.
Here's a quick Youtube video that shows you the basics of a 5 minute meditation.
Close your eyes, sit with your back straight, and don't ever do anything else because Howard Stern does it.
I started meditating again after our upsetting elections.i do transcendental meditation too. It used to help me alot.thanks for this post about it again
Bad auto accident and nothing was working for some of the symptoms. Trying acupuncture and it turns out that i just completely zone out. Just completely relaxed and kind of nothing. Meditation?
That sounds more like a trance I think. Same feeling, different thing - but I'm 100% just guessing. ~ karen!
Great post Karen, made me realize how much I miss my own meditation practice… I’ve abandoned it in favour of my relentless to do list. Before having a kid, I was a pretty regular meditator, I have even done 2 (very hard) Vipassana retreats and did hypno-birthing to prepare for labour. I am going to carve out time to sit quietly tonight, thanks for the prompt.
When I took natural child birth classes, I was to practice a sort of form of meditation - able to relax every part of your body. I had to begin at my head and slowly determine that my head needed no other movement to be completely comfortable. Then go to your neck, then on down to finally at your toes. No sounds made, just thinking about that portion of your body and relaxing it. When childbirth actually arrived, I did pretty well but found I NEEDED to squeeze just one hand tightly - I almost broke the hand of the poor volunteer from natural childbirth class that came to my delivery as a helper. I did the relaxation and DID NOT feel pain until I let my concentration go and then I was like body surfing through pain rolling over and over in the wave until I once again achieved the relaxation state. It was wonderful and the doctor said he should have set up a camera since it was the best example he had been involved with and would love to share it. I was amazed and delighted with the results so assume you are speaking of the same elation to being free of thought in your class. I had normal drugged childbirth the first time and swore never to do that again. So happy I took those classes but they don't offer them anymore - just something that is called 'prepared childbirth' in which you usually get a shot in the spine anyway to get relaxed. Not for me. Hope people do try it and report back to let us all know their experience.
That's a very interesting concept - I'd never heard it! ~ karen
Karen,
Just curious - when do you meditate? First thing in the morning? Before bed? I have tried to get in the habit of meditating in the morning, but the longest I can manage is the 5 minutes it takes my coffee to brew. Any longer and my to-do list gets in my way.
I used to meditate once in the morning and once at night. I begrudged it. It was too much for me. Now I do it on and off whenever I feel I need it. It could be before going to bed, as a way to help writer's block, to manage stress and anxiety when it pops up. Hope that helps. ~ karen!
OMG!! I love your sense of humor!
I'm trying not to laugh too loud as I'm at work right now, but damn...Howard Stern?!
I've been getting your stuff via email for a while now, but didn't even have/take the time to look at them until a couple days ago when I saw the Christmas Pledge! How's that working out for me??
LOL, don't even ask... :-p
Maybe I need to learn how to meditate too!!
Meditate your way to not caring that you aren't ready for Christmas! It's a viable path. ~ karen!
Dammit!! I read this to get away from the Trump election news00and there it is in the first comment! C'mon people--leave us some peace somewhere!
Thanks for sharing your experience. I have tried to meditate in the past but always end up thinking about what I should be doing instead. Do you think it’s possible to meditate for the next four years? Yeah, another American here, not surprised by the election results, just very sad.
The perfect post for the day the USA elected Trump for the second time. I knew it was coming so it didn't undo me like last time, but it's going to be rough. It's definitely a good thing to do from this day forward because it is going to be a bumpy ride for USA citizens/residents and, unfortunately, there will be fall out for other countries (Ukraine, for instance) too.
The funny thing about this is that I too considered TM after hearing Howard talk about it. I was discouraged by how expensive it is to learn TM (isn't that antithetical to the whole idea of it??) so have been interested in "regular" meditation because it seems more accessible. And after yesterday's election, I would love to learn a way, at least for the next four years, to NOT think.
Thank you for sharing your meditation journey--all without Howard at your side.
The first time I have not been able to read all of your article because of giant ads. Is there a trick to getting past them?
Keep scrolling and read the darkened parts and move on. At least that's what works for me.
This may be your most influential post in a hundred years of following. If you can do it,l can do it. Thank so much. Starting today.
Wow!
Very cool!
I like your explanations🙏
So how different is TM from the ‘garden variety’ meditation?
Does it make a difference?
Hi Tuffy. I don't think it makes any difference at all, no. ~ karen!
Well at the rate the US is going at 1030 MST, Imma need 4 yrs of deep unconsciousness.
Couldn’t agree more!
Same. No better day than today for meditation.
When my mind starts to feel 'crowded' I pretend that my ex is talking to me... and off to my happy place I go. Which for me is gliding along a coral reef in my scuba gear about 40 feet down and just being one with the sea and its creatures. There is a magical serenity descending one step down the food chain. It is as close as I come to a religious moment.
I'm with the other Americans...I think meditation might help me through the next 4 years. Thanks for your explanation. I tried it a long time ago and got nowhere. Maybe this time it will stick.
It really does just take practice. You have to force yourself to do it at first. Start just doing 5 minutes. TM is a strict 20 minutes or more but that can seem daunting if you aren't used to it. ~ karen!