Have you ever done something for someone to support them just because you love them? Stand out in the rain cheering your father the marathoner on. Maybe you’ve cut your hair a certain way because you know your husband or wife likes it that way, even if you don’t. Or perhaps you’ve sworn off wearing high heels in the house because it terrifies your dog. Either way it’s a show of love and support.
I'm single now, but I had a man with whom I lived with for over a decade. I loved and supported my boyfriend all the time (as long as it didn't involve going to a comedy club.)
The no comedy club thing is just sensible. For humans, plopping yourself down into a comedy club chair is like a worm willingly jumping ass first onto the sharp end of a hook and pumping up and down until the barb pops out through the back of its head.
You are bait. If you move, make eye contact, or try to wriggle away towards a drink or the door in a comedy club you'll draw attention to yourself and be eaten alive.
So you sit, unmoving, unlaughing, frozen until you fall over sideways like a fainting goat because breathing was definitely going to draw the attention of the comics on stage. Therefore you chose not to do it.
So I didn't go to comedy clubs for these completely normal reasons.
Instead, to make up for it, I went with my boyfriend to the only place in the world more life threatening than a comedy club. I went to Crossfit.
It didn't kill me. But it almost did.
CrossFit is a community that likes to do things to the extreme. It’s a method of working out that really just incorporates all the things you used to do in gym class. Things like jumping rope, chin ups, sit ups and handstands among other things.
The difference between gym class and Crossfit is the vomitting.
CrossFit’s mascot is called Pukie. This because if you aren’t close to or actually throwing up, you aren’t working out hard enough. My boyfriend was a Crossfitter.
When he first joined this rope jumping band of lunatics I went with him. He thought it’d be nice if we did something together. So I took some classes. I went to CrossFit exactly twice.
My Crossfit story
After my first Crossfit experience I was so sore my muscles routinely gave out every time I tried to sit on the toilet. No joke. I’d get halfway’s sitting down and my legs and stomach muscles would collapse in pain and I’d crash in a heap on the toilet seat. Then I would wince and say Ow.
And then I’d spend the next ½ hour trying to stand up again without using my legs.
This is a photo of me 3 days after my first Crossfit workout. My boyfriend thought taking me for a brisk walk would loosen up my sore muscles. I had to look for ramps to walk down because I couldn’t physically step off a curb. I know this because when we first started our walk I tried to step off a 4" sidewalk curb. And I fell down.
THIS IS MOMENTS AFTER I FELL OFF OF A CURB.
I wanted to explain that because this is also exactly how I would look if I were standing in line to get into a comedy club.
This was his immediately finished a workout Crossfit face. He had just completed a self induced Crossfit workout that involved weights, water, barfing and I remember correctly - a golf club.
The second CrossFit class I took (yes, I went back because I wanted to be loving and supportive) I got a “special instructor” for the “special pupils”.
My special instructor was a guy who taught CrossFit on the side. You know … on his days off from Extreme Fighting.
Needless to say, class 2 of CrossFit didn’t end any better than the first. Unless shock is better. If shock is better then I did much better the second time around because class 2 ended with me going into shock.
Just for a few hours. I used those hours to contemplate the allure of comedy clubs and the sanity of my then boyfriend.
You see, he too went into shock during his first or second CrossFit class. But he loved shock. He thought shock was fantastic. The owners of the CrossFit gym made him sit down and drink some juice until the nausea and chills passed.
He was treated special because of his shock and he liked it. When I told my “special instructor” I was feeling sick and asked whether people actually threw up while working out his response was Not as many as I’d like, keep goin’. I didn’t get any juice.
It’s amazing the pain we’ll put ourselves through to support someone we care about. My boyfriend continued on with CrossFit. He loved it. And I continued to support him from the couch with a Costco sized bag of Cheezies.
Therefore, on this day, the last day of December 2023, I'd like to announce I will not be putting Crossfit, barfing, or anything that has to potential to put me into shock on my resolution list.
My resolution does however have a little something to do with Costco sized bags of Cheezies - and nothing to do with comedy clubs.
Each December 31st I think about making some solid, life affirming healthy resolutions for the coming 12 months. I then make a bowl of homemade cream cheese dip, grab a fresh bag of potato chips and a very cold diet caffeine free Pepsi and watch the Twilight Zone marathon until those thoughts fade away into oblivion. The following morning I awake refreshed and make a nice breakfast for myself. Have a wonderful 2024 and know that if you post it, I will be there to gladly read it. Luv ya'
'.
A hilarious story that I can relate to.... All the crazy stuff I have done because the man in my life wanted me to. Skiing, mountain biking and all the while just wanting to get it over with. Now I do like to bike, but let's not get crazy and go up and down hills! Strangely, I have never had a man in my life just go to a yoga class because I like it. Hmm, make you wonder! Have a wonderful, sane start to 2024!
Karen, as long as they are HAWKINS Cheesies! "Only in Canada you say? Pity....." As for Crossfit. No thanks. I do chair yoga and get heartburn (but not from the Cheesies).
My resolution is not to go to spin classes cause they're just as dumb.
Yea, I’ve worked with a few Crossfitters and the only thing they were good for was moving 350 lb patients to the OR table. By themselves.
They were used to juggling tractor tires so this was a chip shot.
I’d rather crawl on glass shards with 3 rd degree burns than walk in the vicinity of a Crossfit studio. Besides I don’t make resolutions, I have goals.
What with the multiple medical references in your text, CathyR - I feel your pain.
Thank you for all you do for the patients and a Happy 2024!
Yeah, I’ve done a lot of crap because it was an interest of the guy I was dating or married to: bridge, horseback riding (I think horses are beautiful animals but I don’t want to get up on one), racquetball, Alcoholics Anonymous (you don’t want to know), and probably some others I can’t remember. Happy 2024 - I am looking forward to spending another year with you, Lip, Betty, and the rest of the gang.
Ooh, I forgot to mention the motto that I got from Amy Poehler's autobiography that is perfect for this: "Good for her (him); not for me." Words to live by.
Amen, sister. I'm over punishing my body in the hope that it looks better/feels stronger/yada yada. I tried mountain biking with my husband a few times, but it wasn't for me...especially when I tried to take a tree down with my shoulder. Here's to walks with our dogs, gardening, moving furniture, and all the other physical (and mental) activities that bring us joy. Hope you have a fantastic New Year!
Happy New Year - Yes, simplyput Crossfit appeals to OTHERS..... I know people who love it. It's very rigorous. As I watch all the things you do, it doesn't fall into crazy work-outs but hell, YOU are hardly standing still. You farm, garden, care for birds and that beast Phillip, cook, and, in general, are extremely ACTIVE. EXTREMELY!
more HAPPY NEW YEAR......
…and fulfilled. When you do what you want, you can’t help being happy
I want to be just like Karen when I grow up!
Good read you have a great sense of humor...
I am so sorry you had such a bad experience with crossfit! I just started doing crossfit a couple of months ago because I wanted to get stronger for the next gardening season. And there's been no puking or intense pain like you described. I just stop when it gets too hard. And there's plenty of women and men with gray hair who do the same. But if it would have been like your experience I would have quit too. Life is too short for that crap.
I started following you after The Fella days, and I'm kinda of glad I wasn't a witness to that time of your life. I would have recognized right off that you were doing all the "coupling" in the relationship because I was there as well, and probably would have spoken out of turn. ;) I didn't join CrossFit for him, but did a couple of things that make me want to puke now, looking back. lol What doesn't kill you makes you more resilient, they say. Idiots. Sending you many virtual hugs. Here's to 2024 bringing whatever fulfillment you seek.
I had that same exact experience at a “comedy” club about 25 years ago and was so traumatized I’ve never gone to another one. The Crossfit, though. Nope, never even crossed my mind. I don’t think even if Sam Eliot asked me.
Happy New Year from a long time follower. I remember that fella and thought “don’t let the door hit you on the way out”. The door might not have survived, but you sure did. You inspire, entertain and educate so many of us. Here’s to 2024’s antics!
My resolution is not to go to spin classes cause they're just as dumb.
Hey Karen,
Enjoyed your Christmas tour. The house looks lovely. (Glad you exchanged the literary gent's pic for the spooky girl's.)
I've been married over 50 years to a musician. The first few years I was the loyal supportive girlfriend and wife. But after awhile sitting alone in bars, studios and backstage while he was working got old. So, I stopped going, but he didn't feel neglected. We've always had plenty to share and support each other in.
And thank goodness he wasn't a stand up comedian because I don't like comedy clubs at all for the reasons you gave. (A few dates at the Pasadena Ice House decades ago.) Now I get plenty of laughs thanks to you.
Keep them coming!
I think my New Year’s resolution this year will be to label everything that goes into the freezer
Ha! Did that last year!
This year my goal is to use it up😬
I know exactly what you mean - the Tomato Chutney that turned out to be Fat Burning Cabbage Soup. The latter spent three years in the freezer because I couldn't bring myself to eat it and then a few seconds thawed as I flushed it down the toilet!
I remember The Fella, but this is the first I've heard about his CrossFit craze. I knew you were better off without him then, and now I've got a really good reason. Here's something special for you: I'm old, and I've known a lot of people in my life, and every one of them who were fanatics about things like CrossFit (or anything like it) turned out having all kinds of things when they got old that had been used beyond their manufacturing stresspoint and were either constantly causing pain or needed surgeries to make them useful or at least bearable.
I have never had Cheezies and never intend to, Costco size or not. I look at them and feel the same way you feel towards comedy clubs. But my oldest sister had a passion for them and I loved her more than anything, so I don't judge you for those. At least you aren't likely to need a knee or hip or shoulder replaced because of them.
I do share your lust for potato chips, but that's just normal.
Where I live they have a Fitoga class. It's a cross Fitness with weights, etc and Yoga. Not for me. I'm more of the yoga, less of the fitness. I get enough of that just from doing the yoga. I like the corpse pose or sitting to meditate, (veg out), preferably in a comfy chair as opposed to cross legged on the hard floor and to think about life and all its benefits without trying to outrun it.
Girl, I think you did the right thing. That’s a picture of the most miserable creature I’ve ever seen! I’ve been married for close on forty years and sailed some stormy seas but we are still going. We have hobbies and we do them separately and we go, look what I’ve done and we say wow that is great and we offer support and enthusiasm and encouragement and it works. Separate hobbies gives you the chance to have something new to say each day. After forty years things can get a bit repetitive, you know each others views on things so well. So the apart times will make the together times even better. Thank you for your insights on the world and bless you in the new year to come.
Oh Karen,
How do I love thee? How can you make me smile, giggle or laugh every single time.
Thank you so much for all the mirth you spread so generously.
Happy New Year to you, to Betty and Pink tool belt and to Phillip, of course. Enjoy these Cheezies.
Just made your Antojito recipe for our family reunion. It's delicious and a hit every time.
Have a great New Year's eve, if you are celebrating.
Catherine
Ah, yes; I remember it well. I followed you several years ago and remember when you lost your mind and your stomach contents all for the love of 'The Fella'. Those were the good old days, right!?! If I recall, it was shortly before - well, never mind. I've lost my mind and a fella or two, as well. And, here we are, my long-time compadre: stronger, wiser and assuredly more comfortable with or without a bag of cheezies to bring in a new year. Here's to surviving CrossFit and/or whatever/whomever else has crossed our paths on the way to 2024. Ciao, baby!