So I was walking down the street the other day (which is unusual in itself ... I usually skip or moonwalk down the street) and something very odd happened. I was crossing the road at a non designated crosswalk when a car came speeding around the corner straight at me. Clearly it was my fault I was about to be killed. I should have moonwalked across the non designated crosswalk. I'm a much faster moonwalker than regular walker. Other than the Electric Slide there are very few dance moves I can think of that can move a person across a road quicker than the moonwalk.
Plus it's such a dazzling sight that most people stop what they're doing (even driving) to watch.
So this car is careening towards me and just like they say, everything went into slow motion. I held my hands straight up in front of me because for a split second I thought my arms were definitely strong enough to stop a Buick, the #1 car choice of the elderly.
I'd say the car was maybe a hummingbird's breath away from my shins when I sneezed. I SNEEZED at the exact moment I was about to lose my life to a blue haired scribble of a woman in a brown Buick with a snappy velour bench seat.
It was because of that sneeze that I can't tell you exactly what happened next. In the moment of the sneeze I closed my eyes, as most people do when they sneeze. By the time I'd opened them , Scribble and her car were gone and I had 17 birds on each of my arms, flying me to safety across the road.
True story.
Kind of.
It's actually a complete lie. I wanted to start this post with an interesting story but I didn't have one so I made one up. So sue me. I *am* an excellent moonwalker. That part was true. And the old people driving Buick's thing? Also true.
Perhaps I felt the need for an exciting introduction to today's post because the subject matter is so subdued. It's my porch. Just a porch. But I love it.
Because I work from home the porch is also my break room for 3 seasons of the year. From April until November I wander out there a few times a day to get some air and see actual people.
If I want to talk to people I can give a wave so they see me. If I don't ... I can hunker down in the chair with my coffee and go unseen. Like a ninja. An invisible ninja. A transparent invisible ninja wearing an invisibility cloak of invisibleness. Unless I wave.
I can peer out from the hanging green beans to see what's going on in the neighbourhood yet still feel like I'm kind of in a room.
That's what I like about porches. You're outside ... but you're inside. There's no better place to be during a rainstorm. Except maybe in Costa Rica. Or in the arms of a Costa Rican.
The porch has also become my pantry. It's where my onions and garlic cure. It's where I set the tomatoes I've picked and where I weigh all of my potatoes. I'm weighing my potatoes as I pick them this year so I know how many pounds in total I got for the season.
I take my work breaks a little more often than I did a few months ago.
I've forced myself to stop and smell the garlic. I've taught myself to relax.
I also taught myself the electric slide. Just to be on the safe side.
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I want to go to there.
Love your porch and garden am considering taking your photos and having them printed on rattan rollups to superimpose your beauty onto my porch! Have you considered sticking some moon vines in with your green beans? They open in the evening in true time lapse fashion and are lovely to behold. You're the best!
Thanks Caryl - I think my mother has those moon vines! ~ karen
If I had your front porch, I'd hang out there ALL the time. Except for when I was with the chickens--I'd be with the chickens all the time, too.
Are those shallots I see?
Please, please, please make a video of yourself moonwalking. And braiding garlic / shallots.
Here you go ... https://www.theartofdoingstuff.com/how-to-braid-garlic-or-onionsphoto-video-tutorial/ ~ karen
If you want an even more efficient way to quickly cross a street, you should look into Prancercising. What?! You've never heard of Prancercising? Well, you'd better jump on that bandwagon, because it's the newest craze. Everyone's doing it. If you have 5 minutes, (or more, depending on how many times you watch)look it up on YouTube. I don't think you'll be disappointed.
Oh Yes@!!! Karen you absolutely MUST look up prancercising. It is hysterical. Consider it research for your job. Which by the way, I am so glad you have this particular job.
O.k. You've both talked me into it. When I have a chance later tonight I"ll look it up. :) ~ karen!
Hey I drive a big boat of a Buick, never thought I was elderly... gonna have to see if I can cash in on any of those senior specials.
LOL!! ~ karen
I love your porch, love it! And that tomato! Holy crap....I've always wanted a porch, but one with a squeaky screen door. I'm weird like that. Glad to note that it's our google searches that have to do with the ads here, I was wondering why all of a sudden you had an ad for the "perfector" hair styler that I was researching, lol....I'm sure it's just a lame product tho...anyway, I wish I could manage to wait until the morning for your posts, so I would have them to look forward to. Alas, I've ruined it once again for myself. Maybe tomorrow.....:)
Okay, about the whole made-up story? DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT! Thank you. Love, Carla
I love your front porch. And I envy you the ability to teach yourself to relax. I'd like to learn that some day. Very glad to hear you were not killed by a blue hair in a Buick. I look forward to your posts and that would have left a void in my life I'm not ready to fill.
I love your porch, too, and would like to live there. But I'm old and fear your winters would do me in, so you're safe from opening your door one morning to find me curled up on a wicker chair.
I think you should brag about having a certifiably vampire-free home -- most people can claim it, but few can prove it.
I just read your post for today and had a great belly jiggling laugh out loud moment!! I normally read it first thing in the morning, but had an early meeting and couldn't .... I am so glad cuz I had a rather cruddy day at work and I needed that big laugh!! I feel better now....think I'll go for a walk down the street!! Ha. ;)
Hi Karen. I totally bought the story until the sneeze part, and I love front porches! Your's is lovely as well. But what totally caught me off gaurd was the ad at the bottom!! Too weird, maybe coincidence, or maybe how these things work, but my husband just booked a room there, The Arena Hotel this morning, about 5 hours ago! Is that weird or what, Its in San Jose, calif. We are heading out there in a few months. I just thought I'd share, have a great day.
Hi Sandy - That's because it's a "Google" ad and Google tracks where you've been on the Internet. Kindda creepy, but true. If you search for rain jackets, the ad at the bottom is likely to show rain jackets! ~ karen