So I was walking down the street the other day (which is unusual in itself ... I usually skip or moonwalk down the street) and something very odd happened. I was crossing the road at a non designated crosswalk when a car came speeding around the corner straight at me. Clearly it was my fault I was about to be killed. I should have moonwalked across the non designated crosswalk. I'm a much faster moonwalker than regular walker. Other than the Electric Slide there are very few dance moves I can think of that can move a person across a road quicker than the moonwalk.
Plus it's such a dazzling sight that most people stop what they're doing (even driving) to watch.
So this car is careening towards me and just like they say, everything went into slow motion. I held my hands straight up in front of me because for a split second I thought my arms were definitely strong enough to stop a Buick, the #1 car choice of the elderly.
I'd say the car was maybe a hummingbird's breath away from my shins when I sneezed. I SNEEZED at the exact moment I was about to lose my life to a blue haired scribble of a woman in a brown Buick with a snappy velour bench seat.
It was because of that sneeze that I can't tell you exactly what happened next. In the moment of the sneeze I closed my eyes, as most people do when they sneeze. By the time I'd opened them , Scribble and her car were gone and I had 17 birds on each of my arms, flying me to safety across the road.
True story.
Kind of.
It's actually a complete lie. I wanted to start this post with an interesting story but I didn't have one so I made one up. So sue me. I *am* an excellent moonwalker. That part was true. And the old people driving Buick's thing? Also true.
Perhaps I felt the need for an exciting introduction to today's post because the subject matter is so subdued. It's my porch. Just a porch. But I love it.
Because I work from home the porch is also my break room for 3 seasons of the year. From April until November I wander out there a few times a day to get some air and see actual people.
If I want to talk to people I can give a wave so they see me. If I don't ... I can hunker down in the chair with my coffee and go unseen. Like a ninja. An invisible ninja. A transparent invisible ninja wearing an invisibility cloak of invisibleness. Unless I wave.
I can peer out from the hanging green beans to see what's going on in the neighbourhood yet still feel like I'm kind of in a room.
That's what I like about porches. You're outside ... but you're inside. There's no better place to be during a rainstorm. Except maybe in Costa Rica. Or in the arms of a Costa Rican.
The porch has also become my pantry. It's where my onions and garlic cure. It's where I set the tomatoes I've picked and where I weigh all of my potatoes. I'm weighing my potatoes as I pick them this year so I know how many pounds in total I got for the season.
I take my work breaks a little more often than I did a few months ago.
I've forced myself to stop and smell the garlic. I've taught myself to relax.
I also taught myself the electric slide. Just to be on the safe side.
Great story, and BEAUTIFUL porch! I long to once again have a porch that is that secluded..... sigh....
My favorite parts are the bean curtains and the onions on the ladder reminded me of Slinkies.
But it all is a place I see only in my dreams.......
Beautiful porch and veggies! I have to agree, no better place to be during a rainstorm. Karen, do you give away a lot of what you grow? Looks like you have enough onions and garlic for a year!
Hah! The garlic and onions definitely don't get given away. Believe it or not that definitely won't last me very long. I do, on the other hand, give away tons of tomatoes. ~ karen!
I love your porch - it looks so comfy. What a great place to take a break. Great post today.
That porch doesn't need a exciting story to set it up...it's awesome all on its own. I long for a porch like that.
I have lust in my heart for your broom. Broom lust. Where did you find it? Pls do the electric slide video. ;-)
I got it at a second hand store for $2! ~ karen
Dani is correct - one day you'll wander out onto your freaking fabulous porch and there we'll be. All of us. Peering in the windows and nibbling your tomatoes. Be ready.
I'm just finishing off (well. actually my handyman is) a deck and pergola off my kitchen sliding doors. The feeling of a room is exactly what I'm going for. Just need to plant some vines, hang the wind chimes and my Green Men, string some fairy lights .... Heaven :)
I love my porches too! Thanks for reminding me that I can cure my onions by braiding them and hanging them! It was on my list today to get them off the picnic table in back....yours look so great hanging like that! Copying you as usual!
PS: So glad your not dead!
PSS: ditto on the video of you moonwalking! I have never been able to get that down! Try as I may!
What a sweet front porch Karen. i love the wicker chairs and the climbing bean curtain. My parent's home had a lovely front porch too. There was a very old vine, called " Dutchman's Pipe", that grew up and around it, each summer, making it a cozy retreat. The vine never harboured any bugs and the leaves were big and green. My back porch is surrounded by cedars, so it's very secluded too.And sometimes, that's just what I need.
Hey Lady!!! Get it right..I do not drive a Buick..I drive a station wagon..Also I want to eat that huge tomato..
Adore your pic view from the porch! The beans, pickett fence, all of it! Thanks for sharing this with us! You make my life better! :)
Re: Electric Slide .. This dance, along with the Continental, are only line dances white girls know how to do (usually at weddings). However, I have discovered there are hundreds of other line dances being taught on Youtube that can expand your repertoire considerably. If you love to dance (who doesn't?) search on Soul Line Dancing and see what's out there .. Usually performed by black girls and surprisingly, Chinese seniors. I have joined a soul line dancing class/club (no partners needed)and have found this is the best way to get me to exercise. The music is great.
You might find a few of us sitting on your porch one day, now that we've seen those pictures. Just saying.
*sigh* my grandmother is 89 and still drives ... a Buick in the daytime only though. your front facing farm makes a lovely invisible ninja depot.
Loved your post today.It was so visual. I was really in it, but glad it wasn't true! I definitely want moonwalking instructions. The picture in my head made me laugh and will keep me entertained all day!
I love the porch photos and I am so jealous of your bean 'fringe'. My DH refuses to allow me to grow anything near or (heaven forbid) ON the house. No morning glories clambering up the Dish cable to the roof. No Carolina jasmine trailing up up our porch columns. Not even if I promise to create a cable with little stand-offs to keep the vegetation six inches away. sigh ... " The bugs will use the vines to climb up and into our house, ruining the resale value and make me use chemicals" , he says. As if the bugs won't just march up to the base of the wall itself and start their ascension. So I do enjoy your photos and I can only dream of the same for me.
You have the best porch of all porches in the land. I wish we could be neighbours. I have a compound mitre saw and a glas cutter you could borrow.
I had my front porch rebuilt last year and added a roof to it. It's now my favorite "room" in the house. But I need to learn to relax...I sit on the porch and see the front yard needs weeding, plants need watering, walkway needs sweeping...and just like that, relaxation time is over. How did you learn to relax?
I truly thought your story was true, but I should have known with a name like Karen that it was a hoax. I once told my brother that our school burnt down because he asked why I was home for the day. Then he told everyone he knew that the school burnt down cuz I forgot to tell him I was just kidding. LOL I still laugh about that now.. He doesn't though :(
Lovely porch, love the hanging beans! Almost as good as being in a rainstorm in Costa Rica on a lovely verando of local mahagony crafted by a hunky Tico. My mind is wandering.....
I love the picture of you, sittig in your chair, wearing the invisible cloak of invisibleness. You look so relaxed. And invisible. Not even a dent in the cushion.