PERSPECTIVES OF SINGLE PARENTS ON THEIR ROLES, RULES,

RITUALS AND RELATIONSHIPS IN THE COMMUNITY

Saidamin P. Bagolong
Cotabato City State Polytechnic College
[email protected]

ABSTRACT

The challenges of single parents are nothing to snuff at because of the

various obstacles and steep hill to scale in any given society. This study
aimed to explore the perspectives of single parents on their roles, rules,
rituals and relationships in the community. Utilizing descriptive-qualitative
research method using collective case study. A total of 5 single parents
were selected employing an interview guide questions and content
analysis. Findings showed that the major role of single parents revolved
around their families. Their roles in the community and their social life are
most of the time deferred by their family affairs. This resulted to being too
concerned in making and imposing rules inside the house. In terms of
rituals, sharing meals, gathering on special occasions and spiritual
obligation were evident. However, their relationships in community were
seldom observed except to their circle of friends. Thus, single parents
believed that the only way for a successful parenting should be
established and maintained through respect within family and community.

Keywords: single parenting, single parents, sociology, qualitative Method,

Davao City, Philippines

INTRODUCTION

Parenting behaviors are known to have a major impact on

childhood but it has proven difficult to isolate the specific mechanism of

influence (Johnson, et. al., 2012). In this case, parenting lifestyle affects so

much on the behavior of their children, especially, if these parents single-

handedly raise their children.

The idea of single parenting is a very sensitive issue in family

system. It brings risk factor for emotional and behavioral problems in

children and adolescents (Siddiqui and Saabera, 2011). Single parent

Electronic copy available at: http://ssrn.com/abstract=2801344

family may be defined as "A family comprising of a single mother or father

having their own dependent children". The single parent family is created

in a number of ways, may be death of one parent, divorce, separation due

to job or service condition of the spouse (Joshi and Aradhana, 2013). Thus,

if the dominant care giver is the parent in which the children have

residency with majority of the time, if the parents are separated or divorced

children live with their custodial parent and have visitation with their

noncustodial parents, a child will end up with the primary caregiver, usually

the mother, and a secondary caregiver, usually the father (Sahu, 2013).

Globally, the demographics of single parenting show a general

increase worldwide in children living in single parent homes (Rampell,

2010). Today, one-third of American children – a total of 15 million – are

being raised without a father. Nearly five million more children live without

a mother (Andersen, 2013).

In 2012, data confirmed that the U.S. has nearly the highest

incidence of single-parent families among developed countries with 21%,

Hungary 14%, New Zealand 20%, the Czech Republic has 18%, and

Poland, the United Kingdom, Finland, Mexico, Denmark, and France have

shares between 15 and 17 percent, Greece, Korea, Italy, and Sweden

have shares between 8.8 and 9.6 percent; Spain, Iceland, Norway, Ireland,

and the Netherlands, each have shares between 10 and 11.3 percent.

Thus, the family structure for single parenting on child’s outcomes has

potentially adverse effects like lower educational attainment and greater

psychological distress, as well as poor adult outcomes in areas such as

employment, income, and marital status (Woessmann, 2015).

Electronic copy available at: http://ssrn.com/abstract=2801344

In the Philippines, at least 13.9 million Filipinos are single parents

who carry the burden of raising their family by themselves. Some of the

typical problems are related to finances, loneliness, time management,

budgeting, disciplining and decision making. Moreover, government

statistics have shown that solo parents constitute about 14 to 15 percent of

the estimated 94 million Filipinos (Cruz, 2012).

Thus, being a single parent in today's society can be an

overwhelming and stressful challenge. Everyday, the single parent is faced

with raising children, financially maintaining a household, balancing work

and home responsibilities, and trying to find supportive social networks.

These challenges are real as it is nothing to snuff at because of the

various obstacles and steep hill to scale on any given day. (Child

Development Institute, 2013).

It is in this context that the researcher is motivated to explore the

perspectives of single parents on their roles, rules, rituals and relationships

in the community. Also, this study will determine their realizations and

aspirations as single parents. Also, the researcher believes that through

this study, he can identify useful information to assist them with the

complexities they encountered as single parents.

FRAMEWORK

This study is based on a theory where individuals are best

understood in the context of the family system (Minuchin, 1985 as cited by

Lester and Flake, 2013). This means that interactions between parents

and children are bidirectional—that is, family members influence and

modify one another (Sameroff, 1994 as cited by Lester and Flake, 2013).
Thus, each family member's experiences and reactions will reverberate

throughout the system, say, individual distress, such as a combat-related

mental health problem, may affect parenting practices, marital

relationships, or extended family support (Lester and Flake, 2013).

Furthermore, research based on attachment theory has established

that parent-child relationships are fundamental to social and emotional

well-being throughout childhood (Sroufe, 2005 as cited by Lester and

Flake, 2013). Attachment theory describes how children develop a sense

of security from their earliest experiences with a care-giving parent—

specifically, how the parent provides protection and comfort in the context

of threat (Bowlby, 1997 as cited by Lester and Flake, 2013). From their

earliest interactions with a parent, children develop their capacity for

behavioral and emotional self-regulation, and the parents' ability to act as

an external source of emotional regulation for the young child is a primary

predictor of attachment security. Further, a child's confidence that a parent

can provide emotional support enhances his or her capacity to explore

new environments and develop social competencies. These ideas suggest

that children may have less confidence in a deployed parent's ability to

provide reassurance, care, and safety, particularly when the parent is

facing the dangers of war (Lester and Bursch, 2011 as cited by Lester and

Flake, 2013).

OBJECTIVES OF THE STUDY

The purpose of this study was to explore the perspectives of the

single parents on their roles, rules, rituals and relationships in the

community. Also, this study will determine their realizations and

aspirations as single parents.

MATERIALS AND METHODS

This study utilized the descriptive-qualitative research using

collective case study. Qualitative research follows a naturalistic paradigm

based on the notion that reality is not predetermined, but constructed by

research participants (Polit, et al, 2001 as cited by Vishnevsky, et. al.,

2004). Collective case study is a type of case study that describes multiple

cases in order to analyze an issue or problem (Creswell, 2008). In this

study, qualitative research using collective case study through an in-depth

interview was used in order to explore the single parents’ perspectives

about their roles, rules, rituals and relationships in the community. A total

of 5 single parents whose roles they occupy are student, professor,

receptionist and technician were selected. Interview guide questions was

framed for data collection. For valid reliable interpretation of data, content

analysis was employed.

OUTCOMES OF THE STUDY

This section presents the results and analyses on the data gathered.

Discussion was done in the following manner of presentation (1)

perspective of single parents about their roles, rules, rituals and

relationships in the community and (2) realizations and aspirations of

single parents.

Perspectives of Single Parents on their Roles, Rules, Rituals and

Relationships (4R’s) in the Community

Prior to interviewing the perspectives of the single parents about

their roles, rules, rituals and relationships in the community, they were
asked to answer the following questions: how long they have been single

parent? what led them to become one? what was their feeling knowing

that they will be raising their child/children alone? how did they and their

child/children adjust to the situation? and finally, did they have any outside

help in raising the kids?

Based on these questions, the researcher contextualized their

answers following the sequence of 4R’s. Participant 1 said that she has

been a single parent for almost 12 years and the reason why she became

a single parent is that her relationship with her boyfriend (the father of her

son) simply did not work. Realizing that she would be raising her son alone

at first made her feel nervous. She was afraid at first but then later on, she

realized that it was not difficult and her nervousness faded away. Although

she and her son already have adjusted to the situation, there are times

that her son would ask her about the situation and some information about

his father. But according to her, whenever her son asks these questions,

she tells him the truth. She also had outside help in raising her son and

that is her family.

Participant 2, meanwhile, said that he has been a single parent for

almost 3 years. He did not marry the mother of his child because of some

misunderstanding. He found it challenging knowing that he will be raising

his child alone. When asked how did he and his daughter adjusted to the

situation, he said it was not that easy. Though he explained the situation to

his daughter, he knew his daughter would not be able to understand it right

away. As a result, his daughter won’t go near him and would only ask for

her mother. But now that his daughter got used to him already since she is
already living with her father, everything became okay. He admitted that

his parents helped him in raising his daughter, and believed that she will

grow up as a good girl.

Participant 3, on the other hand, has been a single parent for

almost 17 years. She had been acting the role of single parent since her

eldest up to her youngest. The reason, according to her, is that her

relationship with the fathers of her children simply didn’t work because of

misunderstanding. She thought at first, it would be difficult. But

understanding became the key for her and her children to adjust to the

situation. Besides, she has her parents who assisted her in rearing her

children.

Just like Participant 2, participant 4 also has been a single parent

for almost 3 years. They also had misunderstanding with the father of her

child so they decided to break up. The first time she knew, she would be

raising her daughter alone, she felt happy as long as she will be taking the

custody of her child although she was worried about her studies as well as

the financial resources. She worried about how she would raise the child

because she doesn’t have money to support her. Right now, the child still

doesn’t know about the situation and still thinks that she still has a father.

She manages to raise her child alone without any help from other people.

Participant 5 has been a single parent for a year. According to him,

they separated with the mother of his son because of third party. She left

him for someone else and so they broke up. It was difficult for him as he

felt lonely at first reminiscing of the first time he knew he would be raising

the child alone. His son also doesn’t have an idea with the situation and
doesn’t know that he doesn’t have a mother. It a good thing that he

receives support from his family and relatives in raising his child.

Based on their narration, these single parents candidly mentioned

that they don’t have regrets in breaking up with their partner as well as in

raising their child/children since they see joy and happiness from them.

Roles

To assess the respondents’ roles, they were asked to answer these

questions: How does a typical day look for them and their child/children?

What roles do they perform each day from morning until the end of the day?

Do they still have active participation in their community? What are those

activities they participated in? And how often do they respond to a friend’s

call or invitation?

Participant 1 said that it’s a long distance but when she is at their

house in Panabo City, Davao del Norte, her son wakes her up first

because he would ask her what coffee she would like. Then, her son

usually is the one who prepares breakfast. During lunch and dinner, it’s

when they gather together as a family. Every minute, participant 1 would

remind her son of the things he ought to do because he is that type that

when not pushed to do a thing, nothing would happen. Since she gave

birth to her son, she no longer participates in the community activities and

she no longer always responds to a friend’s call for help.

Participant 2 simply said that every day, he acts as a typical father

to her daughter. Every morning he wakes up, he would go near her

daughter before he leaves for work. They only get to see each other in the

afternoon when he gets home. That is their daily routine. In terms of his
role in the community, he said, he no longer participate in the activities but

he can extend help to friends if not busy.

Participant 3, meanwhile, said that she has a normal or typical day

with her family. She wakes up early, cooks food, and fetches the kids to

school. She no longer has active participation in the activities in their

community and responds to some of her friends’ call for help but not all the

time.

Participant 4, on the other hand, describes her day with her child as

a normal day like her neighbors. According to her, she feeds her child and

attends to her needs. They take a bath together and then fetches her to

school. Her daughter goes home at 3pm and she gets home by 6pm, so

she only have time to bond with her daughter at night where she cuddles

her until she gets to sleep. In terms of her participation in the community,

she said none. She only stays at home because she’s also shy to go out in

their community. For her friends, she’s always available but if the problem

is about financial matters, the help depends on her status, as she said.

It is observable that the roles of single parents often revolved

around their families. They are more preoccupied in handling the everyday

chores such as preparing meals for the daily activities of their family. They

see to it that they are able to handle the responsibilities of both roles, as a

mother and as a father. As a friend and as a member of the community,

most of the respondents still aim to compensate however, given the limited

time and resources, they are unable to completely meet these

responsibilities.
Rules

Questions asked are the rules they do in the family, the division of

labor, and the reward and punishment policies they impose.

Participant 1 is much particular with certain policies concerning her

child’s studies. She imposed certain rules such as to avoid frequent

absences in school and staying up late at night. She also imposed

authority in almost every aspect of her child’s activities. Moreover, they

have division of labor at home but it excludes her. Every time her son has

achieved something or has done something that makes her proud, her son

is able to get hugs and kisses from her. On the other hand, every time he

commits mistake, she would just stare at him. Her son only experienced

punishment through spanking once.

For participant 2, rules and division of labor are not yet applicable

because his daughter is still 5 years old so he answered nothing. He said

he gives rewards every time his daughter has achieved something but he

said nothing in particular. In terms of punishment, he admitted that’s

exactly his problem because he gets to spoil her. Every time his daughter

commits mistake, he just tells her that it’s wrong and he never spanks or

punishes her.

Participant 3 imposes a 9:00pm curfew policy at home and she

gives her children tasks and makes a schedule on the household chores

such as who will clean the house and etc. She treats her children to a

restaurant whenever they achieve something that make her proud.

Whenever her children commit mistake, she just usually talk to them.
Participant 4 imposes policies such as being at home at 6:00pm for

dinner, be slept at 8:00pm but she doesn’t force him to eat if he doesn’t

want to. They have division of labor at home but it excludes her son. Her

cousin is tasked to cook for their food. Her elder sister is tasked to clean

the house. Her only tasked is to look after her child, buy food at the market

and budget their money. Whenever her son has done something good,

she treats him to food chain (Jollibbee is his favorite) which she described

as her son’s happiness. She scolds her son when commits mistakes. In

fact, she often spanked him if he doesn’t listen to her.

Lastly, participant 5 imposes a curfew policy wherein he commands

his son to be at home before 7pm when he goes out. He doesn’t delegate

tasks to his son since his son is just 5 years old. He treats his son at his

favorite food chain (Mc Donalds) every time he has done something that

pleased him and usually just talk to him whenever he commits mistake and

just let him realize his mistake.

The researcher observed that single parents used simple forms of

reward and punishment, though at times, strict rules are observed. For

rewards, most of what they do is to treat their children to food chain. On

the other hand, punishments are not so harsh since they only talk to their

children and make them realize their wrongdoings whenever they commit

mistakes.

Indeed, it is evident that in terms of the enforcement of parental

standards, children who are living with single parents especially with a

single mother have a home life that is different from children living with
both the parents. Problems of single parents are more linked with the

upbringing of their children (Brooks, 2001).

Rituals

Questions asked are their line-up or schedule of activities they

follow in the family, the rituals or practices they do together, the chores

they do together as a form of bonding with their family and the activities

they do together with their family, friends and their neighbors during

Sunday and spare time.

Participant 1 said that they really follow a line-up or schedule of

activities. Nothing is planned except certain occasions such as birthdays,

Christmas and anniversary. Every Sunday, two Sundays, they would go to

church to pray (Christ the King), like conviction. Eating together during

breakfast, lunch and dinner is a must. They watch news, debate over non-

sense stuff, crack a joke. Other forms of bonding are eating, going out,

and playing basketball. They eat together all the time and spend a little

chitchat before they go to sleep. She spent her spare time with her family

having chitchats and eating together at the same time. Same goes with

her friends and neighbors.

For participant 2, he emphasized that his family should be reunited

during Christmas. Sunday is the only time he could have bonding

moments as he goes out together with his family. He devotes his Saturday

night to his friends but it depends if they would text him. With his neighbors,

he normally doesn’t spend time with them.

Participant 3, meanwhile, said that she usually follows a schedule of

activities such as going to church at 8am. She shares meal together while
talking about the activities in school. In terms of chores, she usually have

her own schedules for doing the chores. During Sunday, she goes to the

church and finds time to chat with family, friends and neighbors during

spare time.

Participant 4 said that she doesn’t have a fix schedule of activities

since everything still depends on her vacant time. She shares meal during

dinner time and seldom tell stories especially when she is already tired

from school. She sings her daughter songs until she falls asleep and she

goes to church every Sunday. According to her, she seldom hangs out

with her friends, only when she is at school but during weekends, she

normally stays at home, having conversations with her family.

Participant 5 also said that he doesn’t have a lineup or schedule of

activities because it still depends on his vacant time. He shares meal only

during breakfast and dinner. He usually talks at home and asks for

updates about his son’s studies. He also goes out if he’s not busy. He

goes to church during Sundays and usually brings his child to the mall or

park. Usually, he goes out with his cousins for occasional social drinking

and often times plays computer games with his friends.

All the participants make sure that they get to spend time with their

family. They are involved in spiritual activities and Sunday is usually their

best time to have bonding with their children. Majority of them were no

longer have time to spend with their friends and with the community

members.
Relationships

The following information were asked: their relationship with their

child/children, their relationship with the mother/father of their

child/children, their relationship with the community, their relationship with

their friends and relatives.

According to participant 1, she could rate her present relationship

with her son as 10. She described it as perfect even if the father of her son

is not around. She and the father of her son however, are still friends and

they still communicate with each other. Meanwhile, she described her

relationship with the community, friends and neighbors as good. She has a

very nice relationship with her friends and with some chosen relatives as

well.

Participant 2’s relationship with his son, is doing good and though

still adjusting. He said that he and the mother of his son no longer have

sort of relationship. He no longer maintains a good relationship with the

community. It’s not the same as compared to the time when he still doesn’t

have a child.

According to participant 3, described her relationship with her child

as okay but she no longer have any sort of relationship anymore with the

father of her child. She gets to participate in the community whenever

there are activities in the chapel. Her relationship with her friends is okay

and she gets to chat with them once in a while.

Participant 4 described her relationship with her son as very good

although at times she finds it difficult to explain things about her daughter’s

father but she said she can handle it. She still have contact with her child’s
father. She calls him whenever her child needs allowance. In terms of her

relationship with her community, she said, she doesn’t get to meet with the

community members and doesn’t usually go out. She has a good

relationship with her relatives but not with her friends because they are

having a problem right now.

According to participant 5, he has a good relationship with his son

because he both love each other. However, he hasn’t heard from the

child’s mother for almost a year. With his community members, he has a

good relationship with the community especially because he’s friendly,

same way with his relatives and friends.

It can be observed that single parents definitely are able to maintain

a healthy relationship with their children. Most of them no longer are into

social gatherings but still are able to maintain a healthy relationship with

friends and neighbors maybe by keeping in touch with them through an

electronic communication because they consider them as one of their

social support.

Realizations and Aspirations of Single Parents

Raising a child alone for participant 1 is a very difficult and

challenging task yet very fulfilling because she said, her situation led her to

think of only one and that is her son and added that nothing compares to if

you only have one to focus on. For her, it’s very important to have

someone to talk to, to have someone around because it’s very hard to be

the only one accepting responsibilities. Also, it’s important to always think

positive and not to be selfish. She always thinks that her actions are for
him [her son] and that’s her way of thinking, that’s why she can say that

everything is bearable as a single parent.

For participant 2, life with his son despite being a single parent is

more enjoyable compared to the time that he doesn’t have yet a child. His

coping mechanism is to always strive hard in facing every challenge.

Her life as a single parent is described by participant 3 as difficult

but enjoyable. But, she’s still happy despite her being a single mom.

However, participant 4 doesn’t feel the same way. She feels tired

being a single parent especially whenever her child gets sick and the

father of her child is not around. When asked about her coping strategies,

she verbalized “I need to accept it as it is. I just make my life right so that it

won’t be different from others” with a sigh.

Finally, participant 5 described his situation as a single parent as

difficult and lonesome because he doesn’t have a partner in taking care of

his child. Asking for advice from family members particularly his sister and

relatives are the ways he does to cope up with his situation.

As single parents, it can be observed that they don’t have any

regrets because although their life as single parents are very challenging,

still they are willing to embrace it. Their aspirations are to be able to

successfully perform their dual roles to their children. As opined by Kotwal

and Prabhakar (2009) found out that single parents, especially single

mothers, enjoy with the dual roles they have. Being a single parent, to play

the role of father/mother, homemaker, family provider and head of the

household add up to the heavy load of responsibility but still they were
satisfied with their dual roles as they believed that it was for the betterment

of their children.

CONCLUSIONS

Upon analysis of the data gathered through an in-depth interview,

the researcher concludes that the roles of single parents often revolve

around their families. Most of their everyday affairs are focused into taking

care of their child/children. Their roles in the community and their social life

are most of the time deferred by their family affairs. In the same way,

single parents are mostly concerned with making and imposing rules

inside the family. When it comes to rituals, single parents perform basic

rituals such as sharing meals together, gathering on special occasions and

most especially, performing their spiritual obligations during Sundays.

They have less involvement in the community’s activities and only seldom

hang out with friends. Positive relationships within the family, circle of

friends and the community are maintained by single parents despite their

limited involvement in the social and community affairs. Thus, single

parents believed that the only way for a successful parenting should be

established and maintained through respect within family and community.

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