Hello, Welcome. I’m Renée Valentina and this is Musing Interruptus. Musing Interruptus is a podcast for sharing thoughts and stories and enjoying idiomatic phrases. You can read along; the transcription is in the description of this episode; click on continue reading to open a Google Doc with the complete transcription. The idiomatic expressions are in italics. Try to get the meaning from the context and then look them up to see if you were right. If you like it, share it, but more importantly, continue the conversation. The background music is called Gaddy by Blue Dot. 
The feeling of being replaced, unneeded, unwanted, undesired, and unloved comes from a special place in hell. Today, for our 2024 Halloween special, I want to take you there. A place that is closer than it appears. So, I’ll take the wheel, you strap yourself in. If I do this right, it is going to be a bumpy ride. So, good luck to both of us. 
For starters, it’s not a place in hell; it is right here on Earth, roaming the streets of your neighborhood, even when you are sleeping. It looms over your home, right over your pillow. It creeps up the stairs and down the corridor, swiftly funneling between the gap made by the door and the floor. There is no impenetrable crevice, there is no escaping the midnight fuckery. 
The shake jolts you out of your sleep. You don’t awaken to a delightful confusion or sense of satisfaction but to the realization that it was not a nightmare, it was the continuation of your life. A sweat-soaked pillow where your head lays urges you to move. Your stomach, inside out and dry. The looming entity is the engine behind the palpitations booming in your ears at 3:00 am. Once awake, a special kind of paralysis takes over; you could move, but that would imply facing the awake world; your decision-making feels frozen. Which discomfort is more bearable? There is still time to be in bed. I mean, consider the alternative. Where would you go? What would you do? If you move, there might be more emotional pain. You might never be able to get back to sleep. You probably won’t be able to anyway, but you can dream. Rather, wish. A nice dream would be a welcome vacation, even if it is one of those quick ones. At this point, you can’t even remember what peace and happiness feel like. A comforting dream is the only thing that could reset this.
Something to cleanse the palate and make it feel like this day could be a good day. Being awake doesn't make things better; the looming entity is so much bigger and stronger in the wee hours of the morning. Look at you, lying there, so vulnerable to the force that could potentially eviscerate you. But why doesn’t it? Why doesn’t this menacing entity just get the job done? What is this torture about? Whatever it is, you can’t shake it. You might muster up the strength to get out of bed. Face the darkness, not sure if you are walking into the entity, under it, or if it is running through you. That would be the worst.
You make your way to the kitchen and flip on the light. There are some decisions you need to make. They are easy decisions because of the hour and having faced the difficulty of pulling yourself out of bed. They call it the witching hour because that is when the supernatural has more power. It makes sense you would awaken and make it out of bed. You realized there was a lapse in your memory of how you got to the kitchen. Your feet don’t feel used yet. You wonder if you are still asleep? Why not the living room or the bathroom? Why go directly to the kitchen? You are pretty sure you arrived directly. You go with it, it is clear that you need something. You chuck up feeling dazed and confused to the early hour and restless sleep. Are you looking to quench a thirst? It doesn’t make sense to eat, but you consider it. It may tie you over and distract your mind from the pulsating ideas, making your brow quiver and sweat. Continue reading