JANA'S SEALED SECTION: As we head into split season, this is exactly how much your divorce will cost YOU - as told with shocking honestly by these ex-wives and husbands...
Roughly two years ago, I started dating a guy who was fresh out of a divorce. I know, never a good idea. Safe to say, he was looking war-torn after a three-year battle to finally, legally, say 'I don't' - and his story was enough to scare the bejesus out of anyone considering filing for divorce.
This man had made an impressive amount of money from years as a fairly famous athlete and had been looking forward to settling into a slightly slower-paced life and enjoying his well-earned wealth.
That is, until the horrid 'D' word came into his life: divorce.
Now, his ex was not a happy chappy, and to be fair, he had done some things that had left her rightfully scorned. But did he expect her to fight as dirty as she did? Nope. Even I was quietly impressed with her commando-like fighting skills in the divorce court. Because guess how much of his wealth she ended up with?
Seventy per cent. Yep. She even got one of his gyms! Did she need it? Nope. But did she take it (perhaps out of malice)? Oh, yes. If I didn't like him so much, I would almost want to date her!
This story sprung to mind when I came across an Instagram reel that I quote time and time again, from a man who I happily got to know quite well during my last trip to New York City. His name is James Sexton, and he is the Big Apple's leading divorce attorney. He deals with millionaire and billionaire divorce cases, so the man has seen some things!
In a clip that has since gone viral, he says, 'If you break it down, fundamentally, 56 per cent of marriages end in divorce - that's just the couples who actually go through with the costly, tedious and emotionally devastating process of divorcing. What about all the other married people who stay together 'for the kids' or because they don't want to give away half their stuff?'
Sexton estimates that to be '20 per cent at least'.
Fifty-six per cent of marriages end in divorce - and they're rarely cheap, writes Jana Hocking
He adds: 'You now have a technology that fails 76 per cent of the time. That's insane. If I told you there's a 76 per cent chance when you walk out the door today, you're going to get hit in the head with a bowling ball, you would not go out, or you'd wear a helmet.'
It makes you think, why the heck are people still getting married?
So, with that petrifying statistic - and my ex's story - in mind, I was reminded that 'split season' is indeed upon us (divorce lawyers always get an influx of new clients in late December and early January). I've collected stories from my circle of confidants who were brave enough to share what it really costs to untangle your life from someone else's.
Spoiler alert: it's rarely just lawyer fees. From giving up the house to fighting over schools, here's what happens when love goes from 'forever' to 'how much?'
*All names have been changed to protect privacy
The power couple calls it quits
Jessica, 45, and Mark, 47, were the dream team, until their marriage imploded. She was a high-flying attorney, he was the brains behind a booming tech startup, and their split made headlines.
During their divorce, Mark ended up paying $80,000 in business valuations to keep his company intact, while Jessica racked up $150,000 in legal fees fighting for their waterfront home. 'We were fighting over coffee tables and equity, and the lawyers won more than either of us did,' Jessica now admits.
Some divorces see people saddled with debt or with a significantly damaged net worth. But, when done without acrimony, you can lessen the financial blow (stock image posed by models)
Slugged with debt
Rachel, 36, a freelance graphic designer, thought her divorce would be straightforward. But when her ex revealed he had 'unknowingly' racked up $70,000 in debt during their marriage, the game changed.
'Suddenly I had taken on his debt,' she tells me.
After paying legal fees and trying to clear her name with creditors (he had put a lot in her name), she learned the hard way that even if you think your marriage is going swimmingly, you have to prioritise financial independence.
I should have asked him for more
When 38-year-old Claire left her marriage, fairness was her guiding principle.
Lawyers? No thanks. She wanted to keep things amicable, so she gave her ex what he wanted in the property settlement. 'At the time, it felt fair,' she says. But now, with most of the expenses for their children falling on her, she is rethinking her generosity.
After moving twice in 12 months due to short-term leases, she has discovered the financial sting of renting. It's not just rent and bond, but the cost of packing, moving and starting over that really starts to add up.
Meanwhile, her ex-husband is living in a house he bought.
I wanted a fair settlement. He wanted to play dirty
After a decade of unhappiness and six years of sleeping in separate rooms, 41-year-old Lauren decided it was time to leave her husband.
She offered to walk away with $500,000 - the same amount she had brought into the marriage back in 2010. But her ex, an equity partner at a major law firm, wasn't having it. Furious and determined to 'punish her' (his words, not hers), he dragged her into a high-conflict divorce that racked up nearly $400,000 in legal fees between them.
Lauren ended up walking away with 50 per cent of the disclosed assets - roughly a couple of million dollars, so far more than what she had originally asked for. Meanwhile, her ex wasted $300,000 on expensive lawyers in a losing battle.
As a stay-at-home mother who gave up her career to raise their children, Lauren admits the road wasn't easy, but now, a year later, she's never been happier. 'My kids are seeing their mum happy and healthy for the first time in years, and we're thriving.'
As for her ex? He regularly sends her nasty emails, blaming her for 'taking all of his money'. Lauren's advice to bitter ex-spouses? 'Revenge isn't cheap. He should've taken me up on my original offer.'
In some cases, husbands end up living with regret after rejecting their estranged wives' initial settlement offers - only for them to lawyer up and walk away with much more (stock image)
I gave her everything to save my sanity
For 42-year-old James, his divorce felt less like a break-up and more like psychological warfare. After leaving his wife, she insisted on the lion's share of their home equity, which was fine until their daughter came into his full-time care.
'She wasn't even paying for her legal fees; her parents were. Every time my solicitor sent a letter, she filed a police report accusing me of emotional abuse,' he recalls.
Eventually, he gave her everything in the house just to stop the fighting. But when she applied for their daughter to attend a posh school in another town, without his knowledge, he drew the line.
'I spent $3,500 taking her to court to change the school to one nearby, and it was worth every penny. My daughter is thriving, and I don't regret a thing.'
Divorce gave my mum cancer
Josie shared a story about her parents' high-conflict divorce, which came with a $100,000 price tag between legal fees. Just as things were escalating towards a court battle, her mother pulled the plug and settled for 75 per cent of the disclosed assets.
But the toll wasn't just financial: her mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer the week the papers were signed. Josie believes the emotional and financial stress contributed to her mum's declining health.
'The divorce didn't just cost money - it cost her so much more.'
I discovered my husband was a petty, little man
Joanne's divorce cost her $15,000 in cash - not much compared to some of our other divorcees - but her estranged husband's petty requests left a lasting impression.
Her ex, in a bizarre display of spite, demanded some surprising items from their former marital home, including the years-old Country Road bag she had bought with her first pay cheque working at McDonald's and several unopened cookbooks.
He even cleared out pantry staples, including cumin. 'Honestly, the stuff he demanded was so petty, but at least now it's over, and I don't have to deal with him or his ridiculous requests anymore.'
There's an old saying, 'the only winners in divorce are the lawyers' (stock image)
He took almost everything from me - but I'm glad to be rid of him
I was shocked when Janet told me of the financial fallout of her divorce. Hers cost her more than any woman I've known go through a legal separation.
At the time of her marriage breakdown, her three businesses were valued at $41million. But just 12 months later, they sold for $28million - which barely covered the $26.5million in loans. After agent fees and payouts to silent partners, Clare walked away with just $350,000 - a far cry from the $13million net worth she once had.
'It hurt, a lot,' she admits today. But even so, Janet says she is grateful to have left her 'narcissistic' ex behind, even though shared parenting still makes things challenging.
But let's end things on a happy note…
The DIY divorce success story
Not every divorce ends in a courtroom showdown.
Emma, 34, and Liam, 36, managed to untangle their 10-year marriage using a $1,200 online divorce service. 'We didn't have much to split, but we worked together to keep it civil,' Emma shares.
The result? A co-parenting plan that works and zero debt from legal battles. 'It wasn't easy, but staying amicable saved us thousands - and let us focus on our children.'
If these stories prove anything, it's that divorce is rarely cheap, but it's always better if you at least try to hash things out without resorting to expensive lawyers.
But even if you do have to lawyer up to fight your corner, the result is usually worth it in the end. The financial fallout might sting, but the freedom to start afresh is priceless.
So, whether you're considering DIY papers or bracing for a courtroom showdown, remember this: you're not alone. Got your own story about the cost of divorce? Slide into my DMs - I'd love to hear it!
