SEX FILES: What 'Babygirl' teaches us about workplace romances

Article content

In the film Babygirl, Romy, a high-powered CEO (played by Nicole Kidman), experiences a sexual awakening when she enters into a torrid affair with her much younger intern, Samuel (played by Harris Dickenson). Sexually dissatisfied with her marriage, Romy risks her relationship, family, reputation, and career to be dominated erotically by Samuel. But as Samuel continues to raise the stakes, it’s clear that this secret relationship is careening toward disaster.

Babygirl was named one of the best films of 2024 by the National Board of Review, and it’s easy to see why. The erotic thriller explores female desire, power dynamics, and the ethics of office romances – themes that feel timely in our post-pandemic times. Many of us have traded in our work-from-home sweatpants to return to the office, where the interpersonal dynamics of workplace relationships are once again a hot topic.

Forbes estimates that anywhere between 25-75% of people have been in a relationship with a coworker – which makes sense considering how much of our waking hours we spend at work. “Many people also feel it’s more natural than going on a set-up date with someone you find on a dating app because it ‘just happens’ in a spontaneous way,” says Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist.

Romy and Samuel’s relationship represents the extreme end of the spectrum. There’s a 20-plus-year age gap, and their relationship violates more boundaries than I can count – there’s a bizarre scene in which Samuel instructs Romy to guzzle a glass of milk that she chugs in one nauseating gulp. But even in ideal circumstances – for example, when both parties aren’t already married and in breach of HR policies – getting involved with a colleague can be complicated.

“Workplace romances can quickly obscure professional lines — leading to gossip, favouritism (or the perception of it), and awkwardness if things don’t pan out as hoped,” says Caitlin Slavens, a family, perinatal and child psychologist at Mama Psychologists.

If there’s a power imbalance — say, one person is a boss or manager — Slavens says the relationship can become fertile ground for coercive behaviour. As a result, the subordinate partner may be compelled to engage in the relationship for fear of negative repercussions in their career, “which is not valid consent and equality in a relationship,” says Slavens.

If you’re developing feelings for a coworker or considering dating one, learn about company policies on office romances and understand that there are still risks even if dating a colleague is allowed.

Before crossing the threshold, Slavens suggests people examine their motivations. “What draws me to this person? A genuine connection, or is it more about proximity and convenience? How could this affect my job or theirs? Think about the short and long-term, including how you’d deal with a break,” she says.

It’s also important to consider the power dynamics. Slavens says, “If one of you calls more shots, it’s worth wondering whether your relationship can ever be truly balanced.” Unlike Romy and Samuel’s relationship, built upon lies, secrecy and notably uneven power dynamics, a healthy workplace relationship is based on mutual respect, clear boundaries and open communication.

“Both people should feel like peers, with no pressure or power struggles interfering with their dynamic. We also want to ensure the relationship isn’t hurting the dynamics of the comfort level of others in the workplace,” says Slavens.

RECOMMENDED VIDEO

We apologize, but this video has failed to load.

Try refreshing your browser, or
tap here to see other videos from our team.

Play Video

Even the healthiest relationships can be subject to whispers around the water cooler. For this reason, transparency is key. Slavens says, “If you decide to follow through with the relationship, you may want to disclose it in writing (especially if your company has a policy about such things).”

Lastly, don’t get tunnel vision. Charity Sinclair, a dating expert and author of We’re All Dating The Same Guy: Laughs, Lessons, and Love After Dating a Narcissist, warns people against prioritizing immediate chemistry over long-term compatibility. Instead, she suggests people be honest about their feelings. Are your feelings for your colleague driven by a genuine interest in the other person or taboo-driven sexual attraction?

While dating and falling for a coworker can be steamy, romantic and thrilling, being realistic about the risks and rewards of a workplace relationship “can help employees ‘see the light’ and realize there are plenty of options outside the workplace,” says Sinclair. At the very least, it will help people approach their workplace relationships from a clear-headed perspective. After all, what feels good in the heat of the moment could have lasting personal and professional consequences.