Tag Archives: Cable Companies

Everything’s up to date in Kansas City

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Yep– They’ve gone about as far as they can go. Broadway’s otherwise obsolete lyrics about civilization’s western edge might be true again! Kansas City will now have 1-Gig/second internet access. One hundred times faster than yours. It’s a new project of Google’s, called Google Fiber, to set a new benchmark for ISPs. Your local cable monopoly has no incentive to offer you that level of service, except now it’s going to be hard to pretend they can’t, or pretend they need to cap your current use.

Did Google pick Kansas City because the ad campaign had a ready made ditty? “Everything’s up to date in Kansas City” works. Set in turn-of-the-last-century, the musical Oklahoma was abuzz about gas buggies going by their-selves, telephones, indoor outhouses and skyscrapers seven stories high, “about as high as a building ought to grow.” By the third verse, the technical fascination with modernity becomes distracted by the promiscuous, the visitor from Kansas City having seen a strip show, internet-like.

I got to Kansas City on a Frid’y
By Sattidy I larned a thing or two
‘Coz up to then I didn’t have an idy
Of whut the modren world was comin’ to!
…
Ev’rythin’s like a dream in Kansas City,
It’s better than a magic lantern show!
…
They got a big theayter they call a burleeque.
Fer fifty cents you c’n see a dandy show.

———
For the curious, here are the full lyrics to Oklahoma’s “Kansas City”

Will:
I got to Kansas City on a Frid’y
By Sattidy I larned a thing or two
‘Coz up to then I didn’t have an idy
Of whut the modren world was comin’ to!
I counted twenty gas buggies goin’ by theirsel’s
Almost ev’ry time I tuk a walk.
‘Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone
And a strange womern started in to talk!

Man 1: To you?

Man 2: Whut next!

Men: Yeah whut!

Will: Whut next? Gather ’round!

Ev’rythin’s up to date in Kansas City
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!
They went and built a skyscraper seven stories high,
About as high as a buildin’ orta grow.
Ev’rythin’s like a dream in Kansas City,
It’s better than a magic lantern show!
Y’ c’n turn the radiator on
Whenever you want some heat.
With ev’ry kind o’ comfort
Ev’ry house is all complete.
You c’n walk to privies in the rain
And never wet your feet!
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go,

Men: Yes sir!
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!

Will:
Ev’rythin’s up to date in Kansas City
They’ve gone about as fur as they c’n go!
They got a big theayter they call a burleeque.
Fer fifty cents you c’n see a dandy show.

Man 1: Gals?

Will:
One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty,
As round above as she was round below.
I could swear that she was padded
From her shoulder to her heel,
But latter in the second act
When she began to peel
She proved that ev’rythin’ she had was absolutely real!
She went about as fur as she could go,

Men: Yes sir!
She went about as fur as she could go!

Lies and the lying Dumfox that tell them

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This is a link to a transcript (an Official Court Document) (unlike what Fox might put out on their shows, we would have to take their fair and balanced word on it.) of a hearing over the alleged “trademark infringement” of DumFox news and Bill O’Really, (see, I parodied their names so they can’t sue ME for libel, like the whiney little tittie babies they actually are)

In the accusations of Mr Al Franken putting on his book cover the images of GW, his Vice-chimp and everybody’s favorite dick, Bill O’Really and Ann “the pie in the face was a terrorist act, really!” Coulter, alongside Al Franken, and using an interview on DumFox news as a backdrop.

And made the almost believable claim that listeners and regular viewers of “The Oh, Really? Fiction ”
would be easily confused enough to buy the book thinking it was somehow sanctioned by DumFox News.

The attorney for Fox Networks mentioned first the idea that Fox had 80 million subscribers. On a network where nobody needs to subscribe to begin with, and the judge questioned the assertion, by asking if since his Basic cable package includes DumFox (my word not his) News channel, as do ALL basic Cable packages, would that mean that he himself was a “subscriber”?

The attorney backed off the 80 million claim very quickly, and said that well, the cable companies have a way of counting how many viewers tune in the show more than 1 minute per week, which lets out channel surfing, and said the number of viewers who watched that regularly (!) (!!!!!) was 19.5 million.

Now watching 1 minute per week wouldn’t make me a regular subscriber of anything, or so I would think.
And those like Al Franken or our friends at Media Matters or just any independent thinker who would actually take the time to see what other people are saying before putting them down, would actually be included in DumFox’s bizzare accounting scheme.

Then she (the lawyer was a lady, or at least female, but I am a nice guy and would call just about any woman on the earth a lady…) comes up with this amazing piece of twisted accounting that
“as many as 8% of the regular audience might be deceived” (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Ummm… eight percent of the people who watch DumFox news are so confused that they would think a book by AL FRANKEN was actually supported by either Mr Oh,Really? or DumFox in general…..

gee, that must mean that all the times they put down Mr Franken BY NAME and with his picture prominently displayed, are wasted on 8% of their regular viewers..

8 percent out of nineteen and a half MILLION people are supposed to be that stupid. That would be more than a million and a half people are so STUPID they can’t be trusted to not buy a book, without being assisted by the Legal Team of DumFox News and the enforcement of the courts.

and these are the ones DumFox proudly trumpets are its hard core audience.

Let me tell you, that means that Fox Networks not only believes that ALL of Americans are too STUPID to be trusted to make their decisions without the leadership of themselves, but the CORE of their audience are too stupid to be trusted even WITH their guidance.

Maybe they themselves are not the great leaders they trumpet themselves to be?