"What's the opposite of a miracle, Father?"

Wow. So this wasn't complete dogshit on rewatch. I mean, it's still not that great of a film. However, I think the path to at least partially enjoying it is to get over the initial shock that the demonic nun, Valak, was better in The Conjuring 2 than its own spin-off movie. I'll dive deeper into the negatives in a moment, but all-in-all, it is a harmless, at times boring, generic horror that banks of The Conjuring name and concepts. Although I must admit, the parts I liked the most were the connections to the larger cinematic universe, from the flashback at the start to the epilogue twist reveal at the end. So maybe The Nun II will inherently be better as director Michael Chaves appears to like those connections too, judging by his interview with The Hollywood Reporter.

That said, it's extremely weird that they would hire Taissa Farmiga, the younger sister of Vera Farmiga (Lorraine Warren), without having her character be related to Vera's. For some reason, I keep thinking The Nun takes place in the late 1800s, and I keep gaslighting myself into thinking there will be a reveal that Taissa's character, Irene, is Lorraine's long-lost great-grandmother or something. Nevertheless, it's cool that both sisters get to share the wealth and success together by being a part of the universe. I don't even mean that sarcastically. It's just that they look way too similar to be playing non-related characters.

As for the rest of the film? It's written by Gary Dauberman, like all the mainline Conjuring spin-offs have been up until this point, and his script is fine. He's a decent idea guy, but his scripts generally need a creative director with a clear vision. And that is not director Corin Hardy. It's certainly no wonder they chose company man Michael Chaves for the next one because this was just not effective as a horror film. And for what it's worth, I think that choice is paying off just looking at The Nun II trailer, which gets me with two jumpscares every time I see it. Not one of the jumpscares in this one, though, was well done. They were all pretty weak. Even the scene in the coffin had such potential, with jumpscares and claustrophobic horror at the filmmaker's fingertips. The scene would sort of be redone (and upstaged) with an MRI instead in Insidious: The Red Door, of all places.

Before I forget, although it's a bit aggressive at times, I loved the low, bellowing choral hum/chant of Valak's theme. It reminded me a little too much of Palpatine's theme in The Return of the Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker, but I ate that shit up. It almost makes up for the poor jumpscares.