• Kinds of Kindness

    Kinds of Kindness

    ★★★½

    A collection of stories in which Jesse Plemons devolves from corporate cuck to cult cuck

  • Apocalypto

    Apocalypto

    ★★★★½

    “Aw dude that sucks for him/her” -me every 5 minutes

  • Battle Royale

    Battle Royale

    ★★★★

    girlies just want to meditate in nature and make pasta with their friends

  • The Little Hours

    The Little Hours

    ★½

    I had this on my watchlist before Jeff died ok?

    Stars only for Fred Armisen, that kook

  • The Fall Guy

    The Fall Guy

    ★★★★

    John Krasinski had to become sexiest guy of the year to try to keep Emily Blunt still in love with him as she stars in a movie with the illustrious, dreamy, sensitive Gosling

  • Lisa Frankenstein

    Lisa Frankenstein

    ★★

    I can’t believe this was the first movie I watched in the new year 😭 but you know what, all girls want is a silent strong type who’s willing to kill in order to sleep with you

  • Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

    Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

    ★★★★

    happy nye :)

  • Blue Is the Warmest Color

    Blue Is the Warmest Color

    ★★

    Two full stars for Lea and Lea alone, especially Lea yelling at Adele to get out. That was MY FAVE! Everything else was gratuitous. 

    Alternative review @ Adele: close your mouth sweetie you look like a trout

  • Mainstream

    Mainstream

    ½

    Andrew Garfield was 37 and Gia got him acting like this male version of 500 Days of Summer’s manic pixie girl. Aloof, quirky, and only exists to be the kooky, elusive love interest.

    I know the whole jist is seeing an annoying e-girl create cringe “art” content, but when Frankie asked “Can I film you?” I really made a Britta Perry sour face

  • Come to Daddy

    Come to Daddy

    ★★½

    I really love seeing the weird post-LOTR roles Elijah Wood gets

  • Lost in Translation

    Lost in Translation

    ★★

    I wish it stayed platonic. I just don’t want to see old ass sad Bill and jailbait ScarJo together

  • Babyteeth

    Babyteeth

    ★★★½

    Depressing as shit. Brilliant through and through.

    “John Green, eat your heart out” -Patrick

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